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Is he mentally ill or just a d*ck?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I didn't know whether to put this here or in sex and relationships, so please feel free to move it mods
Basically, if been with this guy a couple of weeks. I've known him for 4 years, and always kinda fancied him, so when I split up with my boyfriend of a year me and this guy (let's call him started to get closer.
Anyway... I've always known he has quite bad anxiety and is often very socially awkward. When we first started high school he was a really quiet shy kid. He looked quite "emo" and never really spoke much.
When we got to the end of year 9 he stopped coming into school, recently he's told me it's because he doesn't like the rules/being told what to do, but his friends have told me it's because he got bullied and was too scared to speak up about it. Since he left in year 9 I only saw him a couple of times throughout the next year, and it's only really since September we've been getting close again.
As we've got closer I've noticed he lies, a lot. Nearly everything he says is a lie, and even when I know it's a lie- and he know's I know it's a lie- he'll still lie to me. I've confronted him about it a couple of times, and he says he doesn't know why he does it and it's just "a habit".
Another problem he has is he gets very paranoid. We do some drugs, but I don't think the paranoia is caused by them although they probably make it worse. He's told me before it's got to the point where he'll be in his room, and he'll hear people outside and think they're talking about him, or plotting to hurt him.
He's not the nicest person to be around any more, the lies really hurt me, and recently he's started ignoring me for hours for no reason at all, and then talking to me again like the ignoring hadn't happened. He's also a "skinhead" now, there's a whole group of them in my town, and he goes around being really... dickish... with his skinhead friends. But he's admitted to me before that isn't how he really is, and I think he just gets caught up in it all.
He says things without thinking all the time, like racist comments etc, and as soon as I question him on them he realises that he's being a total dick.
Now... Is he ill? Or is just being a typical idiot 16 year old? It's things like the paranoia and anxiety, pretending to be someone he's not that make me think he's ill... but then I look at the lies, and broken promises, and think maybe he's just being an idiot?
Basically, if been with this guy a couple of weeks. I've known him for 4 years, and always kinda fancied him, so when I split up with my boyfriend of a year me and this guy (let's call him started to get closer.
Anyway... I've always known he has quite bad anxiety and is often very socially awkward. When we first started high school he was a really quiet shy kid. He looked quite "emo" and never really spoke much.
When we got to the end of year 9 he stopped coming into school, recently he's told me it's because he doesn't like the rules/being told what to do, but his friends have told me it's because he got bullied and was too scared to speak up about it. Since he left in year 9 I only saw him a couple of times throughout the next year, and it's only really since September we've been getting close again.
As we've got closer I've noticed he lies, a lot. Nearly everything he says is a lie, and even when I know it's a lie- and he know's I know it's a lie- he'll still lie to me. I've confronted him about it a couple of times, and he says he doesn't know why he does it and it's just "a habit".
Another problem he has is he gets very paranoid. We do some drugs, but I don't think the paranoia is caused by them although they probably make it worse. He's told me before it's got to the point where he'll be in his room, and he'll hear people outside and think they're talking about him, or plotting to hurt him.
He's not the nicest person to be around any more, the lies really hurt me, and recently he's started ignoring me for hours for no reason at all, and then talking to me again like the ignoring hadn't happened. He's also a "skinhead" now, there's a whole group of them in my town, and he goes around being really... dickish... with his skinhead friends. But he's admitted to me before that isn't how he really is, and I think he just gets caught up in it all.
He says things without thinking all the time, like racist comments etc, and as soon as I question him on them he realises that he's being a total dick.
Now... Is he ill? Or is just being a typical idiot 16 year old? It's things like the paranoia and anxiety, pretending to be someone he's not that make me think he's ill... but then I look at the lies, and broken promises, and think maybe he's just being an idiot?
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Comments
I'd also say you probably need to back away, even though that's not in your nature.
Another failed relationship, well done me
I'm sorry it happened, better luck with the next one
The thing is though I wont... this will carry on for months, I know it will. I don't want to end it, I don't want to be alone. I don't cope well alone
I hope someone has ideas for this.
I was with someone for over a year who I still dont know was into either mind games or just very. very ill. He said he heard voices too and accused people of conspiring against him. Either way he was just very troubled. I think this may be the same with the guy you are talking about.
Even if he is troubled, he doesn't sound like the type of person who is ready emotionally to confront it yet. He's lucky to have a supportive girlfriend and doesn't know it and in all honesty, probably wont know it until years later. None of this is your fault and it really does sound like you can do better.
Girl power and all that!
Dont make the mistake of being too forgiving of the guy just because youre still feeling bad about the last one. Too easy to do
This! Doesn't matter of the background but if someone is behaving like a dick, he either chooses to sort it or not. If he's a not right now, there is nothing you can do.
I don't even know what else to say really... I know I should leave him, I know he's no good for me, but yea Sorry for posting!
Also, I split up with him. Can't decide whether to get my dog to piss on his clothes of mail them back to him in tiny little cut up pieces...
People really don't understand how being bullied really does fuck up your head, and you expect everyone to bully you be a cunt etc.
Doesn't mean you have to put up with it though.
When he finds his place, he'll get confidence and settle down.
I spoke to him about the bullying thing, and he told me he was never bullied he just hates school and he said he was bullied to get out of going.
so pretty much just a loser then?