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really fucking scared
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i am so angry at what the discharge papers say from my most recent sectioning, i'm really pissed off with so many things about the mental health team, and i'm really fucking scared that they are going to section me again, seriously seriously scared. i cannot go into hospital again, if they try and make me i am going to run away, and if need be, kill myself, but i hope it doesn't come to that cause i'm a christian and i would actually like to make it to heaven...!
ok.. so i've probably made yet another mistake this evening by sending an angry text to one of the cpn's, and whatever reply i may get i will probably get angry with. i said some stuff in the text that has been ruminating in my mind but i'm afraid they will use it against me, but i just have no outlet to express myself because i'm crippled with m.e. and depression right now. i have to be so so careful about what i say to them now. i'm making so many mistakes. if i keep making them i'll probably get arrested. i'm meant to be seeing a psychologist from the local forensic team for an assessment, but i'm scared as fuck. i don't think i can go in there, especially since it is in the same building i got sectioned in. :nervous:
i'm sorry, i'm just venting because i don't know where else to go. i've been having strong suicidal thoughts and thoughts of cutting and overdosing. i won't do anything though because of my family, but the thoughts are really really distressing, i have to actually shake my head to try and get rid of them.
i need to disappear....
ok.. so i've probably made yet another mistake this evening by sending an angry text to one of the cpn's, and whatever reply i may get i will probably get angry with. i said some stuff in the text that has been ruminating in my mind but i'm afraid they will use it against me, but i just have no outlet to express myself because i'm crippled with m.e. and depression right now. i have to be so so careful about what i say to them now. i'm making so many mistakes. if i keep making them i'll probably get arrested. i'm meant to be seeing a psychologist from the local forensic team for an assessment, but i'm scared as fuck. i don't think i can go in there, especially since it is in the same building i got sectioned in. :nervous:
i'm sorry, i'm just venting because i don't know where else to go. i've been having strong suicidal thoughts and thoughts of cutting and overdosing. i won't do anything though because of my family, but the thoughts are really really distressing, i have to actually shake my head to try and get rid of them.
i need to disappear....
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Comments
This will happen. Its a process though, and im sorry the system is so hard to navigate. Keep strong. This too shall pass and things will be bright again.
thanks mate, thankfully i've got a few more benzos to help me till the new antidepressant kicks in. i was really angry and panicky last night, it all just came out... i do hope things improve.
Just wanted to say big *hug* and glad you're feeling a bit more positive today.
It's normal to feel scared about seeing counsellors and opening up to a stranger. Like SCC said, things will get better with time, try to hold on to that thought when you're scared and it might help to drive you forwards.
Take care
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