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Mental Health and Family

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey folks :)

I have just been discussing my mental health in chat, and how it has had a big effect on my relationship with my mum and family. I thought I would start a thread on here about it, and hopefully receive some advice, and maybe see if anybody else has or is going through anything similar.

So I don't have a very good relationship with my mum anymore, things took are bad turn in October 2011, when I was admitted to hospital, and my whole family basically hated me. I felt so alone.

My mum found out about everything, cos I didn't have a choice to not tell her cos it was pretty obvious. This just resulted in us falling out for a long period of time. I hated myself. My family all took my mums side cos why would they wanna believe me?

Things got better cos I told my family I was recovered and that the doctor put me on medication and everything was going to be okay, this wasn't the truth. But my family didn't care so they were fine about me being "better".

Soon after this, they started to treat me like part of the family again. But I was still being quite self destructive.

I currently still take my medication, my family know about the medication but they don't know about anything else. Whenever I even ask my mum if I can talk to her, I just get having ago at, and it's not fair. I know I am an adult and should be able to take it, but it's just hard y'know.

To this day I don't have a good relationship with my mum or the rest of my family. I feel like a bit of a loner in the family. I hate feeling this way, but I feel like if I try to talk to them about my mental health things will go bad again, and I can't deal with that. My mum has mental health problems too, and is seeking support. I wish I could be more like her and be able to get support.

What is wrong with me? I often ask myself that question on repeat when I can't sleep at night, or when I am feeling down.

Thank you for reading :)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Claire,
    I probably am not going to give you advice plus i'm really tired and my mind is not working but i have a similar problems like yours. I talk to my mother and all but she doesn't really know who i am, You know it's kind of like you talk to your mum and sometimes we laugh together as well but we don't talk about important stuff or about problems or about myself. We argue alot sometimes too.I feel like i'm in another world from my family. I'm the first one in the family that have brain damage :crazyeyes and crazy so i'm the bad one from the whole family. They don't tell that to my face(even though they do but they don't realize it) but i can tell what they think of me.
    My mum is depressed sometimes but she don't admit it (it's because of my dad sometimes because he know how to depress you if he wants to.he even do it to me) I don't really like him and we have nothing in common.Don't know why he is my dad in the first place.
    He married my mum because his parents died(he told that in our face) and he didn't want to keep doing the house chores and working all by himself so he married her so she could be his "maid".
    I really hate him for that. A few days back he even told us that he wished he never had children.And of course he was refering about me.
    So now i end up hating him and wish that he wasn't my dad from the begining.:(

    Sorry again for not give you any advice, i'm really sleepy :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you to you both. I am currently feeling tired and a bit all over the place. I have read both replies and I appriciate them. I will reply at some point when I am less sleepy. Probably tomorrow.

    Thank you

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm in bed and on my phone so this won't be long, but I just want to tell you to keep trying. My mum believed I was "better", despite a lot of evidence to the contrary, until I had to be signed off work in the summer and I kinda broke down in front of her.

    Before that, any mention of my mental health problems tended to be met with a tut and a sigh at best.

    But now it's much better. She obviously has accepted that it's not just as simple as "just get over it", and she's been much more supportive. I would still find it hard to talk to her but I really think it's worth you trying. Maybe sit her down and be really completely honest with her about how you're feeling?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you franki. That has reassured me that things can get better. I guess cos in the past things got really bad when i mentioned my mental health it has made me worry about talking about it now. Cos my family think everything is fine. I keep trying to build a relationship with my mum. But she doesnt seem to want to try with me. :/ sighss

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think a lot of the time parents get it wrong because they don't know how to get it right. there's no manual to tell them what to do when their child is depressed, and however old you are you are always a child to them, and seeing you unhappy for whatever reason is really hard to take. it might seem like they don't care but they more than likely do, they just don't know how to show their concern and are scared of saying the wrong thing. maybe your mum is hard on you because she is upset that you are struggling, especially if she has similar problems herself. my family have been supporting me with long term mental health problems for the best part of ten years and they still get it wrong, but i know that they are trying their best. the best advice i've been given is to tell them what i want them to do. my mum is very stiff upper lip about it all and used to say things like 'don't be silly you're fine' after i'd told her i wished i was dead. she didn't mean that she really thought i was fine, but her way of coping with it was to just get on with it and be positive. but after i told her properly how that made me feel invalidated and like she didn't take it seriously, she stopped. it's just things like that - if the way your mum reacts to you really upsets you then try to tell her how you would like her to react, and which specific things she says or does make things worse and why. so if you explain that when you talk about feeling anxious (for example) you just want her to listen to you and that you don't want her to do anything or make any suggestions, but just be there, then she might be able to do that instead of what she is doing now. she might need you to steer her in the right direction so she knows what helps you, instead of feeling like she doesn't know what to say for the best. if you haven't already done it you could look online for advice pages to print out for families, there are loads of them around.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you omg hi,
    I have a lot to think about. Not sure where to start yet. But I am grateful for the advice I am getting on here. It means a lot. :)
    I think with me also its about past experiences cos my family havent been supportive in the past and I am scared that will happen again.
    :(

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When the paramedics told my mum I had OD'd and I had self-harm marks... she hated me. The only way I was able to become close to her was to move out. She still doesn't know A LOT, but we're closer and actually talk to each other now.

    I guess being honest with her, and asking for her support is something you both need to sit down and do. I'm not at all saying it will be easy, because it won't. But it's worth a go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I fully understand Sophie.
    I am glad you are able to talk to your mum and are closer.

    I have alot to think about. But the good advice ive recieved on here has helped me.

    Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    most of my family totally suck at trying to understand me- they don't even try anymore... it's like.. okay, she wants to die and she's unhappy?. let her- that kind of thing.

    i've come to the conclution that it's not really worth my time anymore.... how i see it is, no one knows better how you feel than yourself, and if people can't accept that, then that's their problem... not mine

    i've ttried showing them videos, artickles, everything- but no good

    if their's 1 thing you don't want to do, is get me started on the topic of mental health stigma.... you'll have me here all night

    do you have anyone that does understand?

    my advice would be to just stick to them and hope for the best... you don't need people in your life who are against you and want to do nothing but ignore you

    what i do now when someone who does not understand asks me how i'm doing, is either ignore them, or reply.. well, what do you think?. i usually get a sigh or something along those lines, but hell.. i'm not pretending for anyone
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My family don't understand and to be honest I am kinda on my own in terms of support from my family. But it's okay cos I have actually accepted that now.

    Sorry to hear how things are with you. It sucks when you feel alone in things. Like nobody understands.

    I do have my doctor, but I don't really be open and honest with her. I am doing a little better now I have been taking my medication regularly. That has made a huge difference in my mental health. I have a long way to go, but I am trying to not s/h or od and it's hard but I am determined.
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