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messed up

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
well dont know where to start really just need some advice on how to sort my head out really.i was in a violent relationship for 6 and half years.its been over for bout 8 months now....i made the split but was very hard loved him more than anything but what he done to me i couldnt cope anymore.was having chest pains wen he was around..scared n had no life.the mental abuse has effected me more than anything.when we split it was really bad i was already on child protection cos of him n wat hed done to me while kids wer there...thats being only reason i was on there.part from when hed switch he was everything i wanted..cannabis was the cause but me n the kids wasnt enuff to quit.when we split he begged me bk...threatened kill the kids when he had them,tried to stab me when i went to collect them from him,had him on phone for days sayin he was somewer dyin...what songs play at his funeral...drove me mad was even on his sis's fb pretending to be her on my case 24-7 sayin im letting her bro die n driving me more crazy than i already was going.he then paid someone put a bolder through my front room window 2 in morning.for that my son went on a care order.i had to fight to keep my kids when im a brilliantr mum n my kids wer perfect.ive moved,got a new partner who is abosulty brilliant but i still cant leave me house,av to look over my shoulder,my order so he cant come near me runs out in june and hes already msgd my bro this year sayin he wants see his son when he had a chnace couldnt attend all his visits,refused work with social services(ive done everything with them n more) didnt attend court n the judge sed its up to me which i decided against as my lil boy messed up enuff n all he see was affecting him and me.i was getting a slap n abuse when daddy didnt turn up n was all my fault.i also sed no cos i cant live scared forever but i still am.i see all the stuff he sed n done in my head 24-7,i dream,its like i cant break free and i dont nno wat to do anymore can anyone help??


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    ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    It's great you've got out of that relationship it must be very hard for you and your children so well done.
    Have the courts discussed supervised visits with you? You wouldn't have to see him then, a court appointed guardian would be present during his visit so you won't have to worry about your children being left alone with him. -I think that's how it works.
    But if he is threatening his own kids, it might be best to cut all ties for their sake. Have you reported each time he has made threats to you and the kids? And anyone else he has got involved? -Maybe something more can be done if each incident is recorded.
    I'm sorry if I haven't been very useful, here for you, Reena. xx
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    *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hey Pompeygirl

    Firstly, you need to hear a huge 'well done' for getting yourself out of that relationship. It must have taken incredible bravery and you should feel really proud of yourself for finding the strength needed to leave.

    Have you been able to talk to someone about your relationship since you left? Abusive relationships leave more than just physical scars, and it may really help for you to get some counselling to help with how you're feeling. Do you think that's something you could do? The charity Refuge have a free, confidential 24-hour helpline you could call to talk to someone about this. The number is 0808 2000 247. Or how would you feel about talking to your GP about some possible counselling?

    In terms of what to do about your children, there's some really useful and in-depth advice on the Women's Aid website. I'm sending you a link here:
    It talks you through how to make arrangements regarding your children after leaving a violent relationship. Or you could also ring the helpline to talk that through too.

    It's great that you've opened up here. Feel free to keep posting to let us know how you're getting on. There's always someone here who's listening and who care *hug*

    Take care of yourself

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have already bee through the court process he did 5 visits out ten.didnt attend any meetings with social services hasnt give me a penny even tho hes a fisherman and gets gd money and just didnt bother n my boy was taking it out on me coping stuff hes seen.am proud of myself got far but still cant stop my head from thinking.its horrible.cant seem to stop it....im so scared of going out incase he sees me.ive seen him few times and my whole body shakes.police know everuthing but hes clever and wont get caught as hes got one more thing then hes in prison.but my order so hes not allowed near me runs out in june then he be coming for me.no one seems to get how i feel.i cant have him in my life cos i cant cope with it but im scared n im not having a life this way either.my family r useless n m mates dont bother jus feel alone n like everyone tinks im a misrable bitch n dont get.it
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi pompeygirl

    It sounds like you've made a massive effort to keep your ex involved in your children's lives, which is really admirable given what he's put you through.

    Holly's already given you some useful resources, I don't really have much else to add but I did want to ask if you could find out if the court order could be renewed or extended? I don't know much about how they work, but given the history and how genuinely frightened you are, it's worth a try. The number that Holly suggested for Refuge would be worth calling to see if they can advise you on this.

    Good luck
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