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What have I done!?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I posted on here a few weeks ago saying I liked my son's teacher and thought he might like me too because he seemed to look over at me a lot - during assemblies etc I'd notice quite a few times that he would be looking over in my direction, if I had to walk past him in the playground, sometimes I'd look at him and he would be looking at me but then look away quickly, he seemed quite 'aware' of himself whenever I was around; when I like someone, I tend to become overly aware of the way I walk, move my arms etc and try desperately to 'act normal', but it a;lways ends up looking like I'm over emphasising every move I make - he seemed to be doing this too, sometimes he would walk into a room and if I was in there he'd do a quick double take, look away, wander over to the other side of the room, faff about a bit not really doing anything, then walk out again - looking back but then around the room as if looking for something. I was in the staff room once helping with some stuff (I volunteer at the school) and he walked past, came back to the doorway, looked round the room for a few seconds (I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off again; just little things like that - anyway, I've noticed that lately, he seems to be trying to avoid me!
I saw him this afternoon after school, he was standing at the main gates ushering children out, he'd been there about 10 minutes perfectly happy, chatting and laughing with parents...I walked down the (long) driveway towards him - but not directly towards him, I was on my way to the office which involved walking past him - and as soon as he clocked me, he turned and walked away into the playground, out of sight!
Not the first time that's happened, either; lately it seems like any time he spots me coming towards him or anywhere near, he legs it (but in a subtle way...turning then walking away slowly in that way that teachers do!).
I'm not imagining it, because days when I haven't had to walk past him, he's stayed there until every child has gone then he locks the gate.
What's going on?!
He can't have found out I like him because although we do have a mutual aquaintance, this person doesn't know I like his friend. Unless this teacher has guessed...I usually try and avoid him as much as possible; well not avoid him exactly, but for example if I have to walk past him, I'll either look in the opposite direction (subtley!) as I go past him, or if I'm with my son I'll make sure I'm talking to and looking at him while I'm walking past the teacher. I don't talk to him unless I need to, don't make excuses to be around him or anything like that; so even if he has sussed I like him, why wouldn't he be able to just get on with his job and be able to stand me walking past him, without feeling like he needs to run away!? Lol.
I'm 30, he's a year or two older so not children...although I feel like one writing this!
Please don't laugh and point, I've never experienced anyone acting like this around me before and as he's my son's teacher, it's making me really uncomfortable - plus I'm worried one of the other teachers or a parent will notice his weird behaviour!
Can anyone explain why he's acting this way?
I saw him this afternoon after school, he was standing at the main gates ushering children out, he'd been there about 10 minutes perfectly happy, chatting and laughing with parents...I walked down the (long) driveway towards him - but not directly towards him, I was on my way to the office which involved walking past him - and as soon as he clocked me, he turned and walked away into the playground, out of sight!
Not the first time that's happened, either; lately it seems like any time he spots me coming towards him or anywhere near, he legs it (but in a subtle way...turning then walking away slowly in that way that teachers do!).
I'm not imagining it, because days when I haven't had to walk past him, he's stayed there until every child has gone then he locks the gate.
What's going on?!
He can't have found out I like him because although we do have a mutual aquaintance, this person doesn't know I like his friend. Unless this teacher has guessed...I usually try and avoid him as much as possible; well not avoid him exactly, but for example if I have to walk past him, I'll either look in the opposite direction (subtley!) as I go past him, or if I'm with my son I'll make sure I'm talking to and looking at him while I'm walking past the teacher. I don't talk to him unless I need to, don't make excuses to be around him or anything like that; so even if he has sussed I like him, why wouldn't he be able to just get on with his job and be able to stand me walking past him, without feeling like he needs to run away!? Lol.
I'm 30, he's a year or two older so not children...although I feel like one writing this!
Please don't laugh and point, I've never experienced anyone acting like this around me before and as he's my son's teacher, it's making me really uncomfortable - plus I'm worried one of the other teachers or a parent will notice his weird behaviour!
Can anyone explain why he's acting this way?
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Sucks but I don't think you should go there, at least until your son progresses within the school well away from this teacher.
Which is what you do when you fancy someone.
I've tried my best to stay away from the bloke as much as possible, this is what's annoying.
Out of curiosity, IS it frowned upon? Only I know someone who's now-ex wife was dating a parent (she was the teacher of the guy's child), I've also had a few teacher-friends tell me that it's not really looked badly upon, as long as both parties are single.
It's more likely that he thinks I'm the last person he'd go for, rather than the potential for it negatively impacting on his career tbh
He actually walked away from me yesterday...went to pick up my child who was upset about something when he came out, thought I'd go back and ask the teacher about it quickly, so I started walking over to him (teacher was looking in my direction) and then when I got about 6 feel away, he suddenly turned and went into the classroom! There was only me and another mum there at the time (everyone else had gone) and even she looked at him and then me with a "what the...?" face on her!
This is what annoys me; he's quite clearly showing his displeasure in me being around, yet I was trying my hardest NOT to show that I liked him!
So, how do I fix this? I'm in school quite a lot because I volunteer and don't want to give that up, can't carry on with him feeling uncomfortable though because it's making things awkward for me too.
PS - I still say though; even if he's worried I like him; why would that mean he can't even stand at the school gate with me walking past him? If I went up to him every morning and starting talking to him, or stared like a loon fair enough; but I put my head down and scuttle past him - so why am I such a threat?
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Yeah, and I've always managed to be able to tell when someone likes me.
Never failed yet, apart from this time
But this "him dating a pupil's parent is pretty bloody close to the wire in terms of professional boundaries. He will be acutely aware that its definitely frowned up, even actively inappropriate, and he has far more to lose than you do with that." is quite important.
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Until the summer holidays, I just wanted to try and get more on 'friendly, csual chat' terms...the same as I am with this other male teaching assistant (who always makes time to talk to me, whenever he sees me in school) - and try and work out if he was interested in me, even slightly, so that once he's no longer teaching my child then maybe he'd feel comfortable enough to take things a step further next year.
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My friend knows his brother and sister as we are from the same town originally, but I don't want to get him to find out for me, that'd be way too obvious.
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He mentioned their names and I had a bit of a look on facebook just to check it was the same family and...it is - so I changed the subject pretty quick!
As some have mentioned, it might be worth not going for anything incase it cases problems for his career, or the fact that he may not like you in return. You dont know if that weirdness towards you says he doesnt or does like you.
However the go for it option says you cant just sit back and never know. You could have missed an excellent opportunity, not saying or doing anything means you will never know.
You have to weigh these things up, you like the guy but how much? Just be careful as you are going about things because if he doesnt like you in return then its going to be both awkward and also a very much waste of time/effort/rapport. Love/relationships don't always follow strict guidelines and I have learnt myself to expect the unexpected. However, don't get your hopes up because that could very well be the worst thing, dealing not with disappointment, but from falling from a very high place.
So, if I was going to take the softly softly approach just to suss things out for now; should I try saying hi to him every now and again (assuming he stands still long enough!), or keep my distance so he knows I'm not trying to get near to him, and hope he starts to thaw a bit?
To clear something up: you haven't done anything wrong!!
It seems like for some reason he is worried about coming face to face with you - when not long ago he would often look at you! Perhaps this says more about him then you - and is more about him then you! It seems unlikely that even if he knew you liked him, as a professional, why would he hide?
As others have said, try and stay the way you are naturally - any other behaviour would not only make you too aware of your own behaviour (which can get tiring) but make him notice certain things which could be misconstrued.
However, crush aside, if you feel this actually affects your volunteering, you dropping off your son and is making you feel constantly uncomfortable, perhaps it is worth discussing this either with him or someone of higher authority. No need to mention your crush at all, just that you feel tension, awkwardness or even discrimination, and you are not sure why. As you mentioned, another mother saw his behaviour, and found it strange as well!
Do let us know how you get on :yes: