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Was she right in saying this?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I wasn't sure where to put this, but it's fairly relevant to law I guess. I'm sorry if it's in the wrong section though.

Basically last night there was a load of stuff going on with my family - I'd rather not go into details because I'm just trying to forget about it, it really hasn't done my current state of mind any good - and it ended in a neighbour calling the police. So this police woman came round to talk to me, and some of the things she said seemed a little bit off. Now, I know that whatever I think and believe, she's had experience with the law and I haven't, which is why I wanted to come here to get a second opinion.

So a few things:

1) I told her about how my mum used to threaten to lock me in the house, take my phone away and not let me out to go to school etc. if she was worried about something I was going to do or say. The police officer said that this is perfectly normal and what any concerned parent would do.

2) She said that even though my mum's abusive boyfriend constantly shouts and says things to me that make me feel worthless, as well as making threats to hurt and sometimes even kill me, because he's never physically abused me that means my mum is perfectly entitled to bring him in our house, even if it scares me and makes me feel unsafe.

3) Less serious than the others, but when the same abusive boyfriend got really angry last night, he threatened to break my neck. She said something along the lines of "it's just a saying".

So I'm just wanting a second opinion here, is she right about all this? Am I being rational in finding her saying things like this a bit out of the ordinary?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With our police being overstretched they may well try to diffuse or deflect any issues at the scene, rather than address them (particularly as many things can be said in the heat of a moment that are later denied)

    I'd suggest Childline, as it does sound like mental abuse.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well it depends. I'd expect them to be more sympathetic to domestic violence, but do you think that is what you're experiencing? Bit surprised they were not a bit more tuned in, but at the same time I've said I could stab my boss with a paper knife but it doesn't mean I actually will.

    Guess really it depends on what you think is happening and what you want doing about it.

    The fact you're asking implies you think it is abusive and you are probably right in that. As carriage return says, maybe chat with childline to explore your options?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With our police being overstretched they may well try to diffuse or deflect any issues at the scene, rather than address them (particularly as many things can be said in the heat of a moment that are later denied)

    I'd suggest Childline, as it does sound like mental abuse.

    That does make sense, but it still seems a bit strange that they'd basically lie to me just to save time. Maybe it's because I live in a council house and they get a lot of people on my street having family arguments and calling the police? Maybe, but I can only talk to someone professional about this if it's going to be confidential.
    Well it depends. I'd expect them to be more sympathetic to domestic violence, but do you think that is what you're experiencing? Bit surprised they were not a bit more tuned in, but at the same time I've said I could stab my boss with a paper knife but it doesn't mean I actually will.

    Guess really it depends on what you think is happening and what you want doing about it.

    The fact you're asking implies you think it is abusive and you are probably right in that. As carriage return says, maybe chat with childline to explore your options?

    I don't know, because he's never actually hit me or anything. I understand what you're saying, but I know him and I don't think he'd say something like that in a light-hearted or joking way. I really do think it was a serious threat.

    I don't know if I can do anything about it though, I don't know if it's bad enough for anyone to be able to stop him coming round to our house. I do think it's abusive, but it's just that this police woman told me it wasn't and it confused me a bit. Also, my mum doesn't think it's abusive but I think she's a bit biased because she's obsessed with him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You won't be able to stop him coming round if your mum is infatuated. That is the simple truth. She's very likely to side with him if she is forced to choose. But there may be other ways of protecting yourself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey xZoey

    I'm sorry to hear about what you're experiencing from your mum's boyfriend. It's really good that you've had the courage to talk to your mum and the police about it - like others, I'm quite surpriosed that they haven't taken it very seriously.

    As this article says, emotional abuse is still abuse. If you're worried about your safety then contacting a support line might be best as they can not only offer you support but maybe even advise you on who to turn to for help. Here are some that should be able to help:

    Childline - http://www.childline.org.uk
    Tel: 0800 1111

    Samaritans - http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
    08457 90 90 90
    [email protected]

    Let us know how things go, and if you just need to come here and chat to some friendly people, there's always someone here *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You won't be able to stop him coming round if your mum is infatuated. That is the simple truth. She's very likely to side with him if she is forced to choose. But there may be other ways of protecting yourself.

    This is one of the things I was wondering about. I understand that I can't stop her from being in a relationship with him, but if her bringing him round to our house could be putting me in danger I feel like there must at least be something I can do.
    spanner wrote: »
    Hey xZoey

    I'm sorry to hear about what you're experiencing from your mum's boyfriend. It's really good that you've had the courage to talk to your mum and the police about it - like others, I'm quite surpriosed that they haven't taken it very seriously.

    As this article says, emotional abuse is still abuse. If you're worried about your safety then contacting a support line might be best as they can not only offer you support but maybe even advise you on who to turn to for help. Here are some that should be able to help:

    Childline - http://www.childline.org.uk
    Tel: 0800 1111

    Samaritans - http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
    08457 90 90 90
    [email protected]

    Let us know how things go, and if you just need to come here and chat to some friendly people, there's always someone here *hug*

    I know it's still abuse which is why I posted here, but it seems as though people are telling me it's not a bad enough form of abuse to be considered a danger to me. Thank you, I have had a look at the Childline website and read their confidentiality policy since confidentiality is crucial for me due to the nature of my situation, and I do feel quite reassured that I can speak to them now. I don't feel ready to talk about this just yet, but maybe in a few days time when I've recovered from the shock of what happened yesterday. Thank you so much for helping. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like you're dealing with this really sensibly. I hope you have the courage to call Childline and I hope they can help you - good luck. Let us know how things develop *hug*
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