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Back to Calorie counting

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
So, from most on my posts you could kinda tell I was a fuck up. I mean, even when Becki put the words ''you have an ED'' in our session, I still was confused.

But with this Christmas season, it's been extremely difficult, I skipped most meals, hardly ate Christmas dinner, or Boxing day. (They where both huge meals) My mum thinks I've stopped purging, so it's been really difficult to 'hide' the fact I still do. Boxing day I wasn't going to keep it inside of me, and made out the ''I've ate too much, I feel like I'm going to be sick'', to where she believed and I got away with it.

Well, now the massive meals are mostly over, I'm not actually eating, or I'll stick to under 400 calories a day, and exercise mainly at night, seeing as I won't be seen, and mum won't suspect anything. But now I've gone back to weighing my food, counting every single calorie in it, taking note, running up and down the stairs a few times after. I'm broken.

None of my family know about this 'ED' I'm supposed to have. I wanted to tell them, but with my dad coming out with: ''people who starve are pathetic, and making themselves sick just wastes food we buy'', which put me off for good.

I guess I'm on my own through this, and I don't expect any replies, just needed to moan in this funky text box.

Chow. :wave:

Comments

  • Danny!Danny! mod Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Hi SophieAnn

    Sorry to hear Christmas has been difficult. It sounds like it's hard to talk to your Mum about this, and that your Dad doesn't sound very approachable for this. Are there any other family or friends you could talk to? You could also talk to your GP.

    Its' great that you're talking about this here, and we're always here, so you're not on your own.

    Have you looked at TheSite's section on Eating Disorders? You might find some helpful things in there. There's also this site http://www.b-eat.co.uk/

    And you can always write a question to askTheSite if you think some expert advice would be helpful.

    Hope you're doing OK
    Danny
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't talk to family. I don't trust them at all, considering they're so judgmental, and if you're not 'perfect' they'll criticize everything.

    GP knows, he's the one that keeps referring me to the Eating Disorder Team, then again that was back in October, and still not heard anything, clearly don't have an ED. -.-

    I have, it's what encouraged me to talk to my CAMHS worker about it. Who's coming to hospital with me soon as she's concerned and wants me to have a 'physical check' thing to see how much damage I've done to my insides.

    Thank you, Danny
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm kind of wondering why you've posted this. I suspect it's because you need other people to tell you that there is something wrong, not in an attention-seeking way but because it's hard to believe it for yourself. The fact that you have listed all those disordered behaviours suggests that you either, a) know really that you DO have an ED or b) you want to prove that you 'deserve' the diagnosis. Not hearing from the ED service doesn't mean that there's nothing wrong with you, just that the waiting lists are ridiculous. You also don't need to get worse in order to justify the referral, you are already bad enough or you wouldn't have been referred in the first place.

    With regards to your family, I don't think there is any way to get them to fully understand, but in a way it is good that they don't suspect anything because it means that you can tell them in your own time. There's loads of stuff online about explaining EDs to family and Becki might have some advice too. My advice would be to just tell the truth when you are ready.
  • Danny!Danny! mod Posts: 560 Incredible Poster
    Thanks for updating me Sophie :) It must be tough that your family are judgemental and you can't share this with them.

    It's great you've talked to your CAMHS worker about it, it might be worth chasing up that referral with your GP as well, as it was a few months ago now.

    All the best :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I posted it because it's a place I can actually feel 'safe' talking about it. I don't think I deserve a diagnosis at all...

    I don't think I'm that bad in all honesty.

    Yeah, makes it easier because I don't live with them either, but oh well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    None of my family know about this 'ED' I'm supposed to have. I wanted to tell them, but with my dad coming out with: ''people who starve are pathetic, and making themselves sick just wastes food we buy'', which put me off for good.

    I guess I'm on my own through this, and I don't expect any replies, just needed to moan in this funky text box.

    Chow. :wave:

    Just wanted to say one thing, you are not pathetic. At all. *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you, Ella *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nawwwh :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't think I deserve a diagnosis at all...

    I don't think I'm that bad in all honesty

    If someone else was doing what you are doing would you think it was not that bad?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No:/
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