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I tried to kill myself the other day

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I spoke to someone at CAMHS over the phone, the same person I had an initial assessment with, and we're going to have a meeting in January at my school, with my head of house. He asked me if I could keep myself safe over Christmas and I said yes. I was obviously wrong about that. He gave me a number that I could phone him on during the day if it was an emergency or anything. He knows I can get quite suicidal.
Anyway, I guess I was just stressed out or something, I'm not sure. I found myself with a bin bag over my head and a rope around my neck. I won't go into much more detail than that, unless you really want me to. I must have had an adrenaline rush or something, I don't know.
I would feel a bit awkward bringing this up, and I'm also really rubbish at talking face-to-face about this stuff. Should I bring it up at the meeting? Should I tell my head of house when I get back to school? How? Should I go and say something? Or should I send an e-mail?
I'm not really sure what to do. Haha. =P
OOooorrrrr.....Should I just forget all about it and pretend nothing happened??? :)
Opinions please! ;)

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello Hitori,

    I'm sorry you tried to kill yourself.

    I would definitely bring it up with your CAMHS worker. It will help you to build trust with them, and also help them give you the best support they can for your needs.
    If you'll find it difficult telling them face to face, you could write it down on a piece of paper to tell them? Personally, I've written things down that I've not been able to talk to my CAMHS worker face to face.

    I really think you should talk to them about it though, it will be a brick off your shoulder. You shouldn't forget about it like it never happened, cos it won't help you.

    If you find it would be easier to send an email, I don't see why not.

    I hope you can stay safe until you see your CAMHS worker. Remember, you can post here at any time.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Hitori,

    I am sorry to hear things are tough for you at the moment, as Sophieannnn says it is probably a good idea to talk to you CAMHS worker about things and how desperate and low you have been feeling, it can be very difficult to talk about things face to face and also quite painful to talk over the things that are making you feel this way, As Sophieannnn has also said it may be worth writing things down this is a really good way of keeping track of your emotions and any triggers or patterns that could be occurring.

    Please remember that there is always someone here at the Site, we are always here for you.

    Let us know how things are going for you.

    Take care *hug*
    B.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay, thanks guys. Should I tell my head of house? I'll see him sooner, and he said that I can e-mail him if I want to.
    Should I wait until I go back to school? (on tues 8th Jan) Or should I send a message sooner?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you feel comfortable telling him, I think that would be a good idea.

    What do you think?
    Do you think you'll be able to stay safe for around another 2 weeks? Or would you prefer to email your head of house and let him know what's been going on?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I would be fine telling him. I just wouldn't want him to over react or anything, which I don't think he'll actually do. I also don't want him to worry about me, because he actually seems to care.

    I think I will be able to stay safe, but I also thought that before.

    I guess I've been harming myself a lot more, and that helps me feel better.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay, I think you should talk to him about it, either by email, or when you see him next.
    Explain to him what you've said here. That you've been harming yourself more, and that you think you'll be able to stay safe, but then it turns out you can't.

    As he seems to really care, I think he would be really understanding.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay, thank you. I'll tell him. ^^
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Best wishes, honey! Let us know how you get on? *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay. I'll let you know. xxx :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Hitori

    Just wondered how you are feeling today and if you have managed to tell your teacher about what happened? I hope things are looking a little more positive for you today.

    You seem to be able to open up about what you're going through, and it's really good that there is someone you can do that with - lots of people don't feel able to talk at all in this kind of situation. I know you say you're rubbish at talking face-to-face, but I wondered if you might have someone else you could talk to, as you won't be seeing your teacher for a while? If there's someone who is near you now you might feel safer to talk through your feelings with them so they can look out for you.

    But do keep posting here, there are lots of people who have had similar thoughts to you and who will understand.

    Spanner *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think one of the hardest things to do in a situation like this, is having the courage and conviction to even contemplate telling someone else. So by doing what you have done, you have already taken a massive step. I cant add too much to what others have said, but hopefully things are in motion for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, I sent an email to him. It took a while.
    Nervously waiting for a reply. >.<
    I don't understand why I can't just come out and say it confidently.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Hitori,

    Really proud of you for sending an e-mail to him, that must have been difficult, but you should be immensely proud with yourself.

    It's hard to just 'come out and say it confidently', as you worry about what they'll do, what they'll think, or how they'll take what you tried to do. But you did it! And that's a huge step!

    I hope he replies soon *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He reported it to the police, and told my mum. Those people made it worse, but he said that it's what he "had to do" and that he "has no choice". I don't know what he said to my mum but she was yelling at me down the phone. :(
    He said that he's only trying to help, and will continue to support me.

    Seems like an over reaction to me, but he doesn't think it is. I think it's a big over reaction.
  • Debs123Debs123 Mod Posts: 7 Newbie
    Sorry that telling your teacher didn't work out the way you hoped. You did the right thing though - don't lose sight of that - and hopefully once all the fuss has died down help will be on its way. Stay in touch with all of us :wave:
  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,720 An Original Mixlorian
    Hitori wrote: »
    He reported it to the police, and told my mum. Those people made it worse, but he said that it's what he "had to do" and that he "has no choice". I don't know what he said to my mum but she was yelling at me down the phone. :(
    He said that he's only trying to help, and will continue to support me.

    Seems like an over reaction to me, but he doesn't think it is. I think it's a big over reaction.

    Hey Hirori,

    Well done for telling your teacher, I'm glad you have someone you can talk to, and you've taken a massive step reaching out for support on here, it seems like your teacher had a common reaction, and did it out of worry, theirs not much that can be done over 'Christmas' break, I'm sorry things got made worst for you though, how do you feel about that? If you were in your teacher situation, a young person has just E-mailed you telling you, they tried killing themselves, what do you think you would of done? I guess you have to see it from their side to, rather than your own.

    Have you checked out TheSite.orgs article on Feeling suicidal, have you ever tried contacting Samaritans, you can text them to...The Samaritans. They provide a 24 hour phone service where you can talk to a trusted professional on your own terms. Call them on 08457 909090 or email [email protected] if that feels a bit less daunting.

    Would you give them ago? I've found them quiet helpful in the past, and it's always good just to have that someone to rant to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Hitori,

    *hugs*

    I guess that's about confidentiality. If you're thinking of/have harmed yourself, or someone else is hurting you, or you're hurting someone else, there's always that risk that they will pass it on.

    Like he's said, he wants to support you, and when you see your mum, explain to her, try and talk her through it and keep her calm if you can.

    You've made a huge step in reaching out, something most people find difficult. But with you doing this, you've made the hardest step in talking out, and asking for help.

    I hope things aren't too stressful for you, sweetheart. :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's even worse. The police are the least understanding people that know about this. They told me not to send emails saying how I'm feeling and that I have to "think before telling somebody something like that", even though I did think beforehand. It was a hard thing for me to do, but I thought it was the right thing to do.
    Keeping quiet about things won't solve your problems. Does anyone understand that?
    I've seen my mum and she keeps on shouting at me. I tried to talk to her but she's still angry as usual which makes me feel a lot worse.
    The police told my little brother about everything, without even notifying me. They didn't ask me if they could tell my brother anything, and they didn't even tell me that they had spoke to him. They told him that I cut myself really deep. I never said that, nobody told them that, I don't know where they got it from. They upset my brother by saying that, which just makes me hate the police even more. I hated them before anyway. They can't do jack shit right. They've caused nothing but trouble in my family. Now I sound like an angry old lady, but it's true. They're meant to help, not lie to people, and make peoples lives worse.
    From my teachers point of view? Well, if someone told me they tried to kill themselves, then I'd just talk to them and see how they were feeling. I wouldn't tell anyone else unless they asked me to. I sent him an email before telling him that I had tried to kill myself, and he promised that he would act calmly and not over react. I think how he acted was an over reaction, but he doesn't think it was. :(
    Another thing that's made me feel rubbish is seeing my dad. I don't call him dad though. It's the first time in over 3 years that I've seen him. I asked him why he won't come and see us, he said "I've got no car". I came into town on the bus... I said "You could have called in the past 3 years", he said "I'm skint, I've got no money." Everybodys bloddy skint!!!! :| God I wish he was dead.
    He said he loves me. I don't know if I should believe that.
    I used to love him. I used to be a daddys girl.
    I can't talk to my mum about this, as she has a bias opinion. :| Duh. She hates my dad.
    Oh my god, I hate life.
    If I wasn't here then would there be this amount of fuss?
    Wouldn't life be better for everyone else if I wasn't around?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You done the right thing. Some police aren't really understand nor helpful, but there's some that are so lovely. I've experiences the police a number of timnes, and found 3 that understood, one that sat with me for an hour talking, then weirdly sat in the hospital and waited with me til I was seen.

    I think it depends on their background, and how much they know about the taboo topic, to how much they'll 'help'.

    It's natural for your parents and siblings to be upset. They're seeing you struggling, and it hurts that they don't know what they can do to help you.

    *hug* I'm sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but EVERY police officer that I've ever met has been no help at all! :(
    I know I can't say that every police officer will be the same, but none of them seem to have helped.
    I've been in contact with the police a few times, and so have other people in my family. Never helped a bit.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm I don't think it's the police you need. I think you need the support with CAMHS sooner.
    When you start sessions with them, I think you'll see a small difference, in that you'll be able to open up, phone them between 9-5 and be able to share your thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental environment.

    It will really be a massive help that you don't have to keep telling your 'story' over and over, with different people.

    Best wishes with everything, this will pass, I'm sure, you just need to keep strong til your appointment.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're most welcome :):heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh dear. I'm now worried about going back to that school. I don't want to be treated differently.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You won't be treated differently, I was never treated differently when I was at sixth form, they'll just keep an eye on you, and make sure you're okay.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Accipiter wrote: »
    I've had a similar bad experience with the police after I contacted a helpline when feeling suicidal. The policeman said nearly the same thing to me and although he was meant to take me to hospital for psychiatric evaluation he didn't.

    Looking back, I wish he had, because things got worse after that. I had been brave enough to ask for help and I was practically ignored. It made me feel like no one cared and that caused me to start overdosing.

    Now things are awful and I so wish the police had been more helpful. I was crying out for help and they made things worse.

    Hope you're ok x


    -I did write something but it disappeared. :(
    But anyway, the police are crap, to put it bluntly. And they suck at other things as well, not just things like this.

    <3 I'm sorry that they made it worse for you.
    <3
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