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Caring for dad

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey

Dads been in and out of hospital this past year, He's spent ages in intensive care, I've been so close to loosing him, I blame myself. Whenever I'm caring for him he's fine, well as fine as he can be I guess, as soon as he starts to go all strange and he has one of his episodes. (An episode usually consits of shaking really fast, vommiting and then heart pain) I can usually stop it straight away before it gets really serious to the point he needs to be Resuscitated in hospital.

But whenever I'm not there he has them really bad and ends up in intensive care or something, I went to london for a couple of days and he ended up in Intensive care, I went to a friends sleepover and he ended up in intensive care, I went home an hour earlier then I normally do and you get the story eh.

I can't be there 24/7 its practically impossible for me to be especially since I DON'T live with him. But I feel like I have to be..

Its just so hard..

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Awww hope ur dad gets better soon. Just stay strong :) u both be fine
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He won't get better...He's terminal

    He can only get worse...which is hard
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That does sound really hard Emmalee, big hugs to you, although I know it will take a lot more than that to help!

    Being a young carer is such a responsibility. Does your dad have any other official care apart from you? Do you get any respite care so you can take some time off, for example? It's really important for ANY carer to get time away, but especially for young carers. It's natural that you feel bad for being away, but it's also super important that you get to do normal things with friends of your own age.

    Can you talk to someone about all this and try and arrange for extra care for your dad? Or are there any other family members who could help out more regularly?

    I think I read that you are in touch with a young carers charity in another thread, but you might find Carers Trust helpful if you haven't already seen it. This page on respite care tells you how to ask for more help.

    Spanner *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He only gets care from me.
    The only respite I have is when I go home at 11...

    I do use youngcarersnet
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Em, when my mum reached terminal, she was taken into Florence Nightingale Hospice, is there anywhere like that for your dad? Have you spoken to Macmillan or Marie Curie?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I spoke to my mum about Dove house hospice as thats where my auntie went before she past last christmas, but she's adamant he's not going in there until he's really really ill. I don't know what she counts as really really Ill but heyho.

    I remember Macmilan doing a webchat on youngcarersnet..they gave loads of help and advise and stuff..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you spoken with your dad about the hospice move?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I did, he said he wouldn't mind for a week..but no longer
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, look into it. I think it would help you enormously to have the time off.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I'm taking him to hospital tomorrow, so I'll see if the doctor can suggest out
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Emmalee

    Have you tried speaking to your local council? I used to work for the Homecare section in one of the big councils and they were able to set up a homecare plan to give carers a break, even if it was for a couple of hours a week. I can't be sure if the system is the same for all councils but where I was working, they would look at the finances of the person receiving care and would be able to charge what is considered a fair price by how much income that person was receiving per week.

    I have never experienced caring for someone but I used to hear so much in my time there that I can appreciate how difficult it is. A lot of carers also used to say, even though they had a couple of hours/days break a week that it helped massively.

    Sorry if this is no help to you otherwise as it's just a suggestion but I hope you can resolve something and avoid burning yourself out. Good luck.
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