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Harry and Sally

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
An age old question for you lot to debate - Can men and women just be friends? Explain your answers.

Susie :)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dont get me started on this one!!

    Yes they can just be friends, I have alot of male friends and thats all they are- friends. I used to be really good mates with a boy when I was 11 and everyone kept saying we were going out and it really annoyed me. Its good to have male and female friends. Yeah, Ive ended up getting really close to them, things have happened and the friendship has been ruined as a result of it, but its too easy to let that happen, but Ive still got close male friends who I can talk to about anything and thats all we'll ever be- friends.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They can definitely be friends.

    But can they just be friends?

    Difficult to say - so many people lie when they say they aren't attracted / sexually attracted to someone.

    And that's fair enough because otherwise the friendship might not be able to work at all.

    Ooops rambling a bit. I can't help it - it was very hot last night and my brain is feeling the effects of the resulting lack of sleep.

    Apologies
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Im the same as angelbabe yes boyz/girls can just be friends i also had a great girl as a friend and everyone thought we was together we had a snog then i told her how i felt then that was it i dint hear from her till this week but thats a different story. So yes boyz and girls can just be friends cos i also have alot of girl (friends) and i dont want anything else just friends . :)

    S.G :cool:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I have a few very close female friends, and I'd be lying if I said that I'd never ever considered the idea of us being more than that.

    But thats just what we are, friends, and now we are so close, I personally just wouldn't feel right taking it any further.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I believe you can be good friends provided that if you have any attraction to this other person, tell them or the friendship will become messy. I fancied someone I know for a while and told them how I felt - the simple act of being open with my feelings reinforced the whole friendship.

    I guess it's like any sort of relationship - platonic or otherwise, being honest with each other is the key.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mate i agree but sometimes that aint for the best.Trust me i lost a really good friend:( i wish i dint say a thing.but thats life live and learn. I have :)

    S.G :cool:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by SLINKY GUY
    Mate i agree but sometimes that aint for the best.Trust me i lost a really good friend:( i wish i dint say a thing.but thats life live and learn. I have :)

    S.G :cool:

    Same goes for me, I had really strong feelings for a mate, told him and havnt seen or heard from him since, this was about 6 weeks ago now! :eek:

    I definately think you can have friends of the opposite sex, but I agree there can be complications, like if you fancy them or whatever then it can be hard to view them just as friends.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have many friends at sixth form who are male. I do not look at them as being any more than just a mate. although i feel they are easier to talk about boyfriends etc than girls they seem to know a little more of their feeling etc. I dont feel that a friendship with a boy is always that simple people suspect a relationship. Sometimes a person can fall deeply in love with that opposite sexed friend and they can no longer remain this has never happened to me. I truly have to say my best mate since february, when i had a difficult time at school and who visited me in hospital (taking the day off work twice) to see me is my boyfriend. Most of my other friends were on half term and couldnt visit me. This friendship came only after i found i could talk to him about everything and anything. I truly love him as a partner and my best friend and know if our relationship was ever to fail I would have gained a mate.

    I do believe in friendships with the opposite sex although it is not as easy for people to accept as a friendship with the same sex :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes definitely. I have been friends with this bloke for 5 years now, who I met when I got off with his mate. I don't fancy him and stay on his sofa sometimes, talk, go to the pub, whatever. He told me when he was drunk once that he thought I was cute and he's always liked me, but it's never come up since. I like being friends with him, it gives me a different perspective cos he can explain the blokes point of view.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There's no reason why a bloke and a girl can't be just friends but you have to be careful - I've just split up with my girlfriend after 3 years but before that we were mates for about 5 years - we're still friends now and you never know we might still get back together cause we both acknowledge that the love and attraction is still there - the reason you have to be careful is because although we are still mates and can talk and still get on I know there's no way I'd be able to see her with a new bloke and vice-versa - the point of my ranting is if you get too close you could ruin thing forever:(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Girls can just be friends, but with boys their is always something lurking, the off chance of a shag, a friend of the girl who is fit etc...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Perhaps its me but absolutely every bloke I have ever known thoughts of a sexual nature have entered my brain...however it's very rare that I would act upon those thoughts and they have usually remained my very good friends.

    So yes - men and women can JUST be friends but that doesn't mean somewhere along the lne there won't be the 'MMMM what if?' thoughts.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by byny

    So yes - men and women can JUST be friends but that doesn't mean somewhere along the lne there won't be the 'MMMM what if?' thoughts.

    Thats the point, yes males and females can be friends, but not so purely that sexual attration isn't a factor, it needn't just be physical attraction, we often evaluate members of the opposite sex based on whether we would want our offspring to share their genes and the very fact we chose to remain friends shows we like what we see.

    Virtually everything we do in life can be traced back to reproducing and brining up offspring as effectively as possible, having 'friends' of the opposite sex is no exception.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    UK deaths in 1999, as a percentage of total users :-

    Tobacco - 0.9 %
    Alcohol - 0.5 %
    Opiates - 0.003 %
    Ecstasy - 0.00005 %
    Cannabis - No recorded deaths


    WAY HAY - lets get rid of all theothers and just keep Cannabis!


    Anyway - Back to the point... I agree with Oscar Wilde

    A man and a woman can never be friends without sex rearing its ugly head (Or something like that)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh dear.... here I go again

    Yes, of course.

    Men and women can be friends and no more. In my twisted world view, you make friends with someone, or you connect on a mental level. Therefore, friendships are immaterial of gender. That's it, that's all you need to know.

    Further to that argument, you can't prove it either way. For every example of people that have been friends and then further feelings have destroyed it, you can bring examples of male/femal best friends who have never thought that way. However, having said that, it's a nice argument.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by The Philosopher
    I believe you can be good friends provided that if you have any attraction to this other person, tell them or the friendship will become messy. I fancied someone I know for a while and told them how I felt - the simple act of being open with my feelings reinforced the whole friendship.

    I guess it's like any sort of relationship - platonic or otherwise, being honest with each other is the key.

    Bit slow to respond on this one, but i soo agree! This happend to me extremely reacently (as in last week...) I really liked one of my best boymates but that was just getting in the way of the friendship thing... so i told him how i felt n tho i was prepared for him to never speak to me again it does seem to have (so far) made us even closer.
    But only time will tell i guess!
    Ln
    ***
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have three or four male friends, one of whom I am really close too. He's my best friends boyfriend but I was friends with both of them before (makes it difficult).

    We flirt with each other and have kissed once, but we're still only friends.

    I think that if there is an attraction then there will always be flirting, but the love for our respective partners means we'll always be just friends, never lovers. Sometimes he's like my big brother and other times I fancy the pants of him!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh Christ....

    I stayed up until 6am Saturday morning at a sleepover on Friday :eek: and this was one of the topics we touched on. Personally, I believe firmly that gals and guys can have platonic friendships. However, this isn't the case with a female mate of mine. Story time....

    I am extremely close friends with the (male) ex of one of my very close friends. We can just talk and talk and when I'm around him, I'm at ease. I'm aware that the feeling is mutual... recently he told me that he gets on better with me than he does with some of his male mates. Many people would probably think for a fleeting second "Oh, bet they fancy each other" but once they see us, they know that we are nothing more than close friends. Admittedly, I think he's good looking, and he's told people I am, but we just don't think of each other in that way.

    Not so one of my best female mates. She is convinced that we both fancy each other to bits. It's got to the point where I cannot invite her out if me and him are going somewhere, because she'll spend 95% of the time making little comments. You all know what I mean... Oh, don't Tash and Dave get on well? or They look good together don't they? She just cannot accept that we are just mates. The two of us (me and him) were talking about this. He came up with a good point...

    "If I was to play fight with one of my male friends, like pinning them against a wall, people would think it was just two lads mucking around, and would think nothing of it. But if I was to pin you against a wall in jest, can you imagine the looks?!" People view mixed-sex friendships in completely different ways to those in which they view same-sex friendships.

    So yeah, I personally think females and males can be just friends... I have lots of male friends and am just as capable of having a laugh with them as with my female friends. It's just a question of how other people view the friendship though.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    our mates special is now live! It's fantastic and has loads of articles on everything from loving your best mate to dumping netmates. Take a look.

    Susie :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah they can be friends, but only if the lad is gay.

    how unfortunate for one of my mates. she had been best mates with this lad since they were like two or something. anyway all the girls in our group knew she liked him, but last summer, her best mate came out to us all. Then after him, the two other lads in our group came out.....it was like...ohmy god!!! gutted.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have a lot of male friends and i do have fun with them but complications always arise due hormones drink and probably sheer stupidity! i work with a lot of guys and we hang out together quite alot you know going drinking and stuff now all of these guys are really great but some i could never find attractive even though i know they have great personalities and we get on well...having said that however i do find one attractive and i stupidly got off with him a while ago. i say stupidly because it complicated everything so much and we are so awkward together now whereas we used to get on really well.. i regret it alot in that way but in another i dont because i really like him and hes a nice guy but he just doesnt feel the same..so i guess i regret it more than anything..oh i dont know!in one way men and women can be just friends cos i have those male friends i know i would never feel attracted to but in another..i have male friends i am attracted to... ok ill stop im going round in circles here!!!:eek:
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