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And Just Like That

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
it feels like whatever was keeping me together has disappeared and it feels like 9 months worth of grief and the actual reality of everything I've lost this year has finally sunk in and I'm just one hysterical mess. :crying:
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Big hugs.

    It was probably going to happen one day.


    Any chance of a hug from your mum, or anyone else? Failing that, I've found a walk, somewhere quiet where you can happy cry to the empty space helped me.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No - she was out at the time - I managed to calm myself down by the time she got home. I didn't want her to see me in that state. Oh well.
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    It's good you were able to calm yourself, that takes a lot in it self and can leave you feeling exhausted.
    Wanted to give you a big hug. *hug* :heart: *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you :) Think I need an early night!x
  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,720 An Original Mixlorian
    I'm glad you calmed yourself down and were able to get an early night, how are you doing now? Huggles~ *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I stupidly read a horror book before I went to bed and had nightmares all night!!!!! Other than that I'm a little more in control than I was yesterday :) How are you?? *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hugs for you little missy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why is every achievement ruined by the thought that he's not here telling me how proud he is of me or celebrating with me? I never knew it was possible to miss someone quite so much!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    With time, it will start to become more of a warm fuzzy 'he would have been proud'.

    What have you done? Share share share.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I scored "exceeding" on my work performance review which is the highest possible score :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good shit WL.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Woop woop.

    Check you out.

    (Do you want to do some of my job? :flirt: )
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I scored "exceeding" on my work performance review which is the highest possible score :)

    Well, I'm impressed. And remember how much harder it is for you than the average person right now, that makes it even huger.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I scored "exceeding" on my work performance review which is the highest possible score :)

    Congratulations :yippe:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you guys...on the work front I also had more "positive" feedback...

    I can't talk in much detail; however, today I was involved in quite a big investigation and had to prevent two grown men from physically assaulting each other...my feedback was:

    "You were absolutely fantastic, amazingly calming and I really want to thank you for all your hard work"....I am actually buzzing, I've rediscovered why I love my job all over again and although this situation wasn't pleasant...it is part of my job and I could cry just from being so god damn happy!

    Again, he isn't here to celebrate which is disappointing but I am also really thankful he was/is(!?) my Dad because he always encouraged this career for me and he couldn't have been any more right...! Thrilled!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whoop whoop whoop.

    Congrats, that's a real skill.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whoop whoop whoop.

    Congrats, that's a real skill.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And as quickly as it got better...even quicker it all fell apart around me again. Broken.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What's up missy?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    People just aren't who I thought they were.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    people?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry - it doesn't matter...I just needed to vent...think I just need an early night and some pain killers for my hip!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Okay sweetheart. Tried some gentle strengthening exercises for your hip? I am doing some whilst I'm laid up :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I seriously cannot get a grip on what is wrong with me. I just can't be bothered anymore. And what I don't get is how stupid things set me off and it isn't helped by no-one understanding why!!!! It would just be better if I disappeared then it wouldn't be an issue to them anymore...
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    I seriously cannot get a grip on what is wrong with me. I just can't be bothered anymore. And what I don't get is how stupid things set me off and it isn't helped by no-one understanding why!!!! It would just be better if I disappeared then it wouldn't be an issue to them anymore...

    But the fact you've disappeared would be. :(
    Even though I'm a lot happier now, I still get days where silly little things affect me and I don't always know why. I think it's just something I've come to accept because it doesn't last long. -I don't think I'll ever understand it but I try. :confused:
    Here's a hug for you. *hug* xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks - I think I'm just having a rubbish couple of days...*hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They happen sweetie. But remember that you've had some good days, and you'll have good days again.

    So we're almost five years on for me, and last night on Strictly Denise danced to the song we had played at my Dad's funeral as we walked out. It's still a trigger for me, and I must have been hilarious hopping my way out of the room in a panic to get away from the song!! It'll happen, but it's okay.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    But did the people you were with understand? No one I see in reality gets it. I'm almost 10 months on so have to get on with it apparently. Then someone else told me it's ok but should be concerned if I'm still like it 2 years on. Since when did grief suddenly have a time limit!?!? Argh I know they don't understand and that's ok but it's not ok because I feel like they are messing with my head!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didn't tell them. They would have though - one lost her dad when she was about 8. You should try finding some people who've had a similar experience - they'll be the only ones who can truly understand. Ignore what other people say - to some extent, even our experiences aren't necessarily what you yourself will feel - there is no time limit. You change as and when you feel like it, and start to deal better.
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