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You're my kid, I will get you out of here

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello Everyone

I have recently found out that one of my friends has been kicked out of her house by his mum.

Lets just say when I found out I was very angry by the fact his mum had done that. I don't understand that his mum could that to her own child. I have always believed that its a parents job to care and love their child(ren) no matter what. So why would somebody kick their child out for being true to who they are.

When he told me, the first thing I wanted to do was contact his mum and speak to her to try and get her to see sense, but the truth is I don't think me talking to his mum would of helped.


If any of you have gone through this, or have any opinions I would love to hear them.

Thank you

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, can hardly comment. how old is this 'kid' and why was they kicked out ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    RubberSkin wrote: »
    well, can hardly comment. how old is this 'kid' and why was they kicked out ?

    what do you mean? can hardly comment?

    he's 18. nowhere to go, and hes been kicked out for being true to who he is, and his family don't like it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol i mean WHY was he kicked out. you didn't and haven't said. for all i know he beat the shit out of his mum.

    you're asking people to comment on a situation and giving them no facts.

    how could anyone pass comment on the factless post you wrote ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ermm....okay.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hes been kicked out for being true to who he is

    WTF does that actually mean though?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gonna ask Helen to delete this post anyway.
    So there is no point in commenting as it's just getting slated.
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    Be supportive of your friend. It might not be the best thing to talk to her, especially now when the emotions are still flying about.
    I know where you're coming from, wanting to help and protect him is what friends do. But it might be better to stay out of it. Give it some time, and then maybe he could talk to his family again to resolve what's happened. You could offer to go with him.
    It could be that his mother needs time to get her head around everything. She probably wasn't sure how to act and got overly emotional, once she calms down she could start thinking clearly again.
    What does your friend say about it?

    It's up to you, personally I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to make anything worse, but then again having an outsiders opinion can help you see sense. It's not an easy situation, I hope it works out for your friend. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what do you mean "being true to who he is"

    that could mean anything.
    He could be truly a psycho and just expressing himself?

    I dont think its a parents job to put up with any amount of shit their spawn decides to throw their way
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    a certain amount ofc, but parents are people too, and EVERYBODY has their limits
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He is trans, and thats who he is, and like his family don't like him for it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nobody slating you but we cant exactly agree or disagree with you if we dont know what he's been kicked out for.

    Yes parents should love and care for their child but children should love and respect their parents so he must have done something. Like suzy said its not a parents job to put up with shit because they should 'love their child'.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :( thats a bit shit. Its a lot for a family brought up in different times to deal with though. Im sure theyre not just doing it with no heartbreak of their own, no matter how misguided.

    Poor lad.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He is trans, and thats who he is, and like his family don't like him for it.

    Now thats a different story. So many people, even those who are gay-friendly (even gay themselves) are transphobic. Its disgraceful and shameful for any family to kick out their child from the family home because of their gender identity or sexual preference. But I know so many people do get kicked out due to being trans. there are a number of good charities which help trans people in particular, but he should be able to get help from the local council - particularly as they may see him as a vunerable young adult.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He is trans, and thats who he is, and like his family don't like him for it.

    Right, that's the detail I was looking for.

    It's a shit thing for them to do but you cannot get involved. Be there to support him but don't get involved with the family. He needs to know that he is still loved and that nothing is wrong with *him*, just with his family.

    TBH There are certain things which I would consider kicking my kids out over but this most certainly isn't one of them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks to those who have commented.

    I am sorry for the misunderstanding before, about the lack of deets in my post. Sorry. I was just a little unsure of what I should add. After posting it on something else, mod Helen said I should post it on TS. so I did, didn't think about editing it.

    My friend came out to his family as trans, and I knew his mum wasn't very happy about it. But I didn't think she would kick him out. I know that he hasn't done anything bad to his family or anything like that. Hence why I don't really understand why it's happened. He is currently staying with friends, but he doesn't have anywhere to stay after a few more weeks or so.
    I don't think the council are helping him much. He doesn't live near me, so I can't even have him stay with me. I would if I could.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You getting directly involved with his family is unlikely o help.

    You supporting him is far more constructive.

    Maybe you could hunt around for somevresources / info he could share with his family to try and help their understanding?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I didn't think that would help to be honest.

    Trying to be there for him as much as I can, because I know he needs support, He has a history of self-harm and I know this is gonna affect that. I want to help him, but I also have a history of self-harm and finding it hard to cope at the minute.

    So I am a bit like... what am I supposed to do. He's my friend and I want to help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Make sure they are in touch with the council, and that the council know they have been made homeless.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    and for what reason theyve been made homeless too.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he has a hostel to stay at.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    And that is at least a start. It may seem from the outlook that things are bleak, but when you have problems to overcome, that seem they are impossible to overcome and deal with, it's important to take things step by step. Your friend at least has somewhere to stay, and I'm sure they are grateful for the support from a caring friend who stands with them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for all your replies x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are you familiar with the Albert Kennedy Trust? I wonder if they might be able to offer some support.

    Other than that, I agree with everyone else, all you can do is over support to your friend and try to be there for him. You can't change his family.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you Piccolo. Will defo take a look at that link :)

    Hes doing okay at the minute :)
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear

    Hes doing okay at the minute :)

    Great to hear :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like his mum has reacted, badly to what must have been a shocking piece of news. He needs to give her a bit of time to digest it then try and see her.

    I wouldn't get directly involved, you could make it worse. Mum will see it as a personal, family issue. Having one of his mates turn up to fight his corner won't help him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whowhere wrote: »
    I wouldn't get directly involved, you could make it worse. Mum will see it as a personal, family issue. Having one of his mates turn up to fight his corner won't help him.

    :yes:

    If he needs moral support, by all means go with him, but leave the room when they need to talk. There's a balance between supporting him and alienating his mum. After all, if she thought she had a daughter and she's been told she has a son now, that's pretty hard to handle.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah i didn't get involved in fact im hardly talking to him at the minute, hes moved into a hostel so has somewhere to stay :)
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