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I meant I've had enough and I can't deal with any of this anymore. I'm sick of it all and there just isn't any point to any of it. Why bother struggling when there is an easy way out of it.
I know my words may not help with the way you are feeling right now but there is a reason why you haven't given up yet. You do have the strength within you to keep going cuz even though you have found it tough and really struggled you have kept going and finding ways to keep going.
What do you study at uni?
I hope this helps a little, sending you lots of hugs your way! *hug* *hug*
purple_rain
I know what you mean but I've had it, everyone has a limit and I already feel like I've been pushed beyond mine.
I'm in my final year of a Business degree - to be honest its boring and thats why I'm struggling with the motivational aspect but I guess I don't have long left.
Purple_roo; Several massive arguments with my mum followed by "Getting rid of the cat - all been arranged" - a cat we've had for 15 years. She just pushed me over the edge yesterday and I hate her so much at the moment I can't even look at her.
Is your mum getting any counselling, or are you just being used as a sounding board/target for her?
Nope - I'm her sounding board and she uses me to sort everything out - for instance; selling the house - all the stuff now gets sent to me directly so I can sort it out - I've only moved house once and I was 8 years old - how am I supposed to know whats involved...and with that on top of uni and work and everything else...what annoys me even more is she only works 32 hours a week!!!!! On average I work a good 46 hours plus uni on top of that...not that it seems to matter because so long as she isn't stressed and she can cope, thats all thats important.
Buying/selling houses is massively stressful at the best of times, let alone with everything else you've got going on in life. In a way it's good that your mum is managing things so that she stays ok, the problem comes when that's making things problematic for other people (in this case, it's clearly you).
I'm afraid I can't share any expertise on selling houses, however I'm pretty sure if you put a post up on here asking for a beginners guide then there are people who would help you out.
How are you fixed with holiday from work? This one depends very much on your employer, and how much holiday you've got left, but could you take a half day one morning every week or every fortnight for a few weeks? That way you can allocate to 'domestic admin time'. It might help reduce the mountains that seem to be building up for you at the moment. (it needs to be a morning mind - afternoons don't work the same because work always takes over).
I suspect I know the answer to this one, but have you tried suggesting counselling to your mum? Or if she's likely to take it better, 'practical advice from Cruse'. If it's anything like my family then you'll get your head bitten off at the very idea, but there might be ways of dropping the hints. Might be something to ask your counsellor about.
Then there's always the good old writing lists trick. Things often seem a lot more manageable when they're on a list - at least at that point you don't have to use up brain energy trying to keep track of everything and remembering the million things you're juggling.
The remainder of my holiday leave is booked around uni submission dates and Christmas and due to the nature of my job - I wouldn't be allowed to use my holiday to take half days for a period of time.
Lol yeah I have and yep I got my head bitten off too! I've mentioned it several times since Feb but she isn't interested - it doesnt help that she has a distorted perception of what it is and it doesn't matter how many times I tell her she's got it wrong she just isn't interested.
I love to-do lists - I use them daily at work! In terms of outside of work - I have one essay to write - as for selling the house - I'll print out all the info that needs to be read but I'm not doing anything else - if she wants to move that desperately, she'll deal with it - if she doesn't, then I guess I'll still be living here for the foreseeable...
I went in due to my deterioration in mental health and sleep. I told him how I hardly ever slept and how much pain I was in being so tired all the time, and how its effecting my mental health badly. I asked for something just for a few days to help me get back into a routine.
She said "well if you're having trouble sleeping and with your mental health then it's because you're not trying hard enough, you need to change your lifestyle" I'm sorry, what?
A whole load of other things, like laughing in my face and telling me im talking rubbish. Now i feel 100 times worse and even more unstable.
Doctors are useless, they care about their wage at the end of the month. Not you, not me.
I also feel like I cannot cope nor go on anymore, because if doctors wont help you, who can?
She also refused to refer me back to my psychiatrist. Cool.
You're not sounding angry or unreasonable at all. You've got to look after yourself first, and as I've been repeatedly told, you're no use to anyone else you're trying to support if you're a wreck yourself.
Sorry to hear that maumau - maybe you could try seeing another doctor again? I guess sometimes its just about finding the one who will help you the most.
I just want to reiterate what ScaryMonster is saying. It is completely acceptable for you to be angry at your mum's actions. She is out of order - and I do appreciate that it's difficult for her, but she's being very selfish as well.
I've also been thinking about my cat and how possibly it is a good idea she goes but it doesn't really make it any easier to deal with not having her anymore...but what annoys me is that my mum hasn't just taken her and got on with it - apparently she can't go for a while yet and she's wondering why I won't go near her...why doesn't she ever consider that maybe I want to start distancing myself from her now so its easier in the long term...argh! Ok so maybe I am still angry lool!
Counselling is a mixed bag - to be honest I left after 30 mins yesterday because I just couldn't cope with any longer...I have arranged next weeks so I didn't quit - I guess I just find it hard because Cruse are only willing to talk about my Dad and how I move on, etc but I guess I would benefit from talking about the other issues; e.g. my mum...! But yesterdays session was really hard because of all the other issues I have going on and then talking about him, etc...I dunno I just couldn't face it...and she keeps talking about "the suicidal mind" which really doesn't help but I'll stick with it for now.