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Not sure what to do
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My relationship came to an end yesterday. I feel horrible.
We've had our problems, but this came out of the blue. He was meant to be coming round this weekend. Monday we planned what to eat so I could buy stuff from the supermarket, Tuesday he said he was looking forward to cuddles and Wednesday he said he'd bring another one of his tshirts for me. Thursday I'm dumped.
He's done so much to hurt me, but I can't be angry. He dumped me back in March and then slept with someone 1 week later. He tried to break up with me over the summer shortly after I found out my dad was ill (similar circumstances - day before he was meant to be coming to mine for the week). Afterwards he promised me that he wouldn't hurt me like that again - tell me that things were not good so we could talk about it. I'm angry with myself. He said he loves me and that I made him happy but he wasn't happy with us. What is so wrong with me? What makes me so poisonous that means I can't be with anyone?
This is just the last straw really. I don't know how I can survive the next week. I doubt I'll go back to uni. I'm on the train home now. I don't have any friends. My housemates are nice sometimes but a lot of the time they make me feel worthless - cancelling stuff we've planned to do stuff with other people etc. I don't think anyone enjoys my company. My boyfriend doesn't even want to talk to me again, just me being around is bad for him. I shouldn't be here, I make everything worse for everyone.
We've had our problems, but this came out of the blue. He was meant to be coming round this weekend. Monday we planned what to eat so I could buy stuff from the supermarket, Tuesday he said he was looking forward to cuddles and Wednesday he said he'd bring another one of his tshirts for me. Thursday I'm dumped.
He's done so much to hurt me, but I can't be angry. He dumped me back in March and then slept with someone 1 week later. He tried to break up with me over the summer shortly after I found out my dad was ill (similar circumstances - day before he was meant to be coming to mine for the week). Afterwards he promised me that he wouldn't hurt me like that again - tell me that things were not good so we could talk about it. I'm angry with myself. He said he loves me and that I made him happy but he wasn't happy with us. What is so wrong with me? What makes me so poisonous that means I can't be with anyone?
This is just the last straw really. I don't know how I can survive the next week. I doubt I'll go back to uni. I'm on the train home now. I don't have any friends. My housemates are nice sometimes but a lot of the time they make me feel worthless - cancelling stuff we've planned to do stuff with other people etc. I don't think anyone enjoys my company. My boyfriend doesn't even want to talk to me again, just me being around is bad for him. I shouldn't be here, I make everything worse for everyone.
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I know you probably still love and care about him, but he sounds like a user, a creep who can't deal with the series stuff.
Even if you don't feel like it now, you're best off without him. You should be with someone who truly cares about you, who can share the tough times with you and make you feel amazing.
I know what I'm about to say might sound silly, but I think there is a person out there for everyone. Someone deserving of your love and time.
I think sometimes we just fall out of love, or weren't in love to begin with. Relationships take a lot of hard work when there is stuff going on in our life's, but I believe nothing worth having comes easy.
If I was one of your housemates there's no way I would break a promise or make you feel worthless. I hate it when people do that, it doesn't take much effort, a kind word or listening doesn't cost anything. That's one of the best things about thesite; you can always find a caring friend here.
Hang in there hun, one day you'll meet someone out of this world and forget all about what's his name. xx *hug*
There is nothing wrong with you, hating to be simple, but your not the first or last person to be dumped. If everyone who got dumped was worthless and not worth being with to anyone then most of the population would be single.
It sucks. It really sucks and it really shit, but it wasn't being with him tha made you worthwhile. You're a wonderful person all by yourself.
My sister was heartbroken, I think she's okay now about it but she still doesn't know what was going on, and I think that hurts more.
So I don't think there is a normal way of being dumped!
Big hug xx.
you're lovely. it's not your fault. give yourself time to cry and let your family take care of you for a bit, then decide what to do.
*hug*
Take some time at home away, everything's still fresh but don't give up on uni or anything else because of this.
Dp
On the train back to uni now - going to really try to put all my energy into uni work / exercise. Bring on some frantic reading/writing/running/swimming/cycling.
Woop.
I don't know why people hate me, why people don't want to spend any time with me
Last night and tonight I've been taking a few too many meds. Not enough to do anything at all, just hoping it will make it easier to sleep. Worried that it'll get worse though.
They don't seem to know how to be friends, you're right, friends step up when it counts. That's how I learnt who my friends were. I lost some friends after they showed me just what kind of friends they were. But some have been amazing, and to this day still are.
Sometimes we have to struggle to find true friends, but once you find them, you'll have them forever.
Its not that they hate you and don't won't to spend time with you, they just think more of themselves than of others -which isn't a good friend. So it's not you, nothing is wrong with you.
Keep in mind your friends here. xx *hug*
I really don't know what to do. I'm trying to hold on till my psych appointment next week but I feel like I've pinned so much hope on that I'm setting myself up for a fall. I've never felt this bad before. All of this has highlighted that actually I don't have anybody (bar family) that care for me. If it wasn't for my parents and sister I know I wouldn't be here. My mums been checking up on me every day. I wish I could go without hurting them. I don't want to pass on the pain to them, but I can't live with this. The lows are getting lower and lower. I go from functioning to desperately suicidal too quickly. I'm not worth anyone's time or energy. I'm not worth if. What people think of me is a reflection of me. A horrible thing. I think I used to like myself, but then I just turned rotten and evil. I'm poisonous - everything that comes into contact with me becomes worse off. My parents are worse off, my sister is worse off, my ex boyfriend is worse off, my 'friends' are worse off, you guys are too. But now I have no one to share my poison with and now there's just to much of it eating away at me.
I'm hoping that deep down you know none of that is true. Saturday nights are a really shit time to be home with nothing to do, I know because I'm currently sat home alone.
As for what you do, you carry on.
You ge up, you get washed and dressed, you have breakfast, you go to uni, you do your uni work, you go to the gym, you cook dinner and slowly but surely you start to lot things together without him in your life.
You're a strong and talented young lady, you are perfectly capable of working your way through this
Like Scary Monster said you are a talented young lady, listen to what we are saying. 'What people think of me is a reflection of me' -What do we think you you? We all think you're brill.
I used to believe what others saw mattered. The fact that I was different was bad, I was ugly, stupid and worthless. The only thing I was good for was being the butt of everyone's jokes.
But I learnt it was more important how I saw myself. I had to learn how to look at myself again, really look. And after a lot of hard work, with the help from some very supportive people, to my surprise I actually liked what I saw.
Remember that people can make judgments about you but they're not always seeing the real you. There is so much more within us that they can't see.
So don't ever think you're not worth anyone's time or energy, or that everyone would be better off without you, that simply isn't true. xx
I've managed to spout out an essay over the weekend which isn't due until 2 weeks, which leaves this coming week pretty free. Going to tweak it tomorrow and try and get my butt to the pool x
These things go both ways.
My ex has decided once again that he wants nothing to do with me. I'm bad for him and he just 'can't stay away' which means he wants to cut all contact with me and not even try and be friends. He was my best friend. Now I really don't have anyone.
The only thing that has been keeping me going is knowing that there is a possibility things could be so much better, and I'd be stupid to pass on that. However now I feel so alone, so desperate, I'm struggling to function. I've either lost the people who mean something to me, or I'm causing them so much pain.
Slowly over the last 3 weeks, little and big things keep happening which are sending me further and further down.
You're not alone hun. There is so many people here ready to listen. And you're wrong about your family's pain being over with if you just ended it, that would make it worse, they will feel they failed you. I don't mean for this to sound like a guilt trip or anything, the only way the pain they feel would be over is if they see you happy. So don't give up hun.
I don't have the words to make it all better, but if you want to pm me I'll try to help. xx *hug*
Stuff isn't getting better. I'm yo-yoing from feeling completely empty to intense pain. I can't help thinking that if I died, the only people that would feel sad would be my family. Spent the weekend with friends and I've never felt more alone.
Got my first proper day back at uni tomorrow for ages. Fuck.
Uni is a really positive part of your life that you've taken on for you - and for your future, which is really admirable because it's clear it's never been easy. It won't be easy going in tomorrow, but once you do go take that step and start to engage with the content of your course, then it might enable you to feel a bit more purposeful again. If you feel wobbly, then maybe head into the toilets or to the cafeteria to just take the time to compose yourself (maybe touch up make-up if you wear it) and then head onto your class. If you can muster it, try to initiate a conversation with someone who has a friendly face - find out how their weekend was, for example.
Friends wise - feeling connected when everything feels so hopeless is really difficult and the grief you're feeling for your ex is still really significant right now - try not to underestimate the impact on your overall wellbeing of this - and also how it can make a difference to how you perceive others. Even though it probably feels unbelievable right now, it's time and a fresh perspective (the beauty of hindsight) that will allow you to understand the process that you've experienced with your ex and some of the other issues that you're dealing with. It can feel confusing when those who you feel are/were friends don't come close to providing you with the joy you felt with him - but try not to mistake this for complete lack of friendship, it just means you're still feeling the intense loss and what other people can offer you is probably very different.
Massive hugs and keep posting - and feel free to correct me if you think I'm way off the mark