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Questions i ask myself almost everyday. (don't know if it's triggering)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Why i can't be a normal person like girls my age that know how to live their lives:confused: . why my life have to be this hard, and why i hate it so much? :banghead:
why no one understand me? why did i even lived when i was born? wouldn't it be easier if i died when i was born? why i had this life instead of a better one? why did my parents had to have me? if they didn't bring me in this world,their lives would be better would it ? Why do i have to cut myself to feel better? wouldn't it be easier for everyone if i'm not arround? :mad::(:confused:
I didn't write these because i want answers,i just have to get it off my chest.:(

Comments

  • Starry nightStarry night Posts: 674 Incredible Poster
    What you are feeling and thinking is similar to what many teenagers feel. Don't imagine that everyone has a better life than you- that is sort of an illusion. Sorry to hear you are so depressed and having such a crap time.
    Everyone-no matter who they are and what they have done- will be mourned when they die. Someone means something to everybody. People will miss you. Think of the pain you could cause people if you weren't here.
    Eighteen is a horrible age. It's a weird mix of fear and responsibility. It's the transition I think from teenager to adult, it's blurred. It means also that there are so many new opportunities and people and great things to see. Really. Even people who suffer a great deal find something that makes them happy for a little while, and gives things meaning.
    I hope things get better for you soon. I know you didn't want answers but I wanted to try and help. If I could. PM me if you want to. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks starry night for your advice.who would miss me? :/ it will be better for my family because i am causing them so many problems.:( and i don't have any friends that i hang out with and no friends at all.And what about my pain i have so much pain,more than i can cause them:crying:. I feel like i am in this world for nothing.:banghead:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi pink girl

    I'm really sorry to hear your feeling so low at the moment. Starry night has given you some great reassurance in terms of how you feel in comparison to others your age, etc.

    Expanding on what Starry said in terms of your feelings about wanting to live - let me give you a little bit of background. I lost a parent this year to suicide and I've also felt suicidal myself so I guess you could say I have experience of both sides. Starry is absolutely right and if you were no longer here, it would impact on more people than you realise and in ways you never could imagine. However, I also understand that feeling of not being worth enough to be here anymore. Have you tried talking to someone about these feelings? I know your not looking for answers but sometimes talking these feelings through with someone can help lessen how strong they feel and maybe help you make a bit more sense of them.

    Something that you said as well about why can't you be like normal people that know how to live their lives...I apologise if I've mistaken what you've said; however, if you meant it seems like everyone knows what they want to do with their life and are doing just that - I think that is not really the case but can seem that way...when I was 17 it seemed everyone knew exactly what career they wanted, what they wanted to do, etc but I had just dropped out of college for the 2nd time, was working part time in a dead end job and had no clue - but now at 23 I'm in my final year of a degree and have been lucky enough to find a suitable career I really enjoy and the friends I thought knew what they wanted? Some have careers, some are at uni, some have children of their own...but I only know of one that is doing the job they wanted to when they left school/college!

    You are still very young, yet at an age where your expected to be treated like an adult and the transition into a new amount of responsibility and lots of decision making can be a really scary prospect but you really aren't alone. I may be wrong but sometimes you can get caught in a cycle where you feel alone and confused and feel that your not on par with your peers - this in turn can have a knock on effect on your self-esteem; making you feel your not good enough, so then you go back to not feeling good enough and so it goes on...which may be contributing to your feelings now? Again, it might be worth talking to someone about these feelings to help you make sense of them?

    I apologise if I've mistaken anything you've said and not helped but I guess like Starry night, I wanted to reassure you that it is ok to feel a little confused and overwhelmed - keep posting :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi pink girl

    I'm really sorry to hear your feeling so low at the moment. Starry night has given you some great reassurance in terms of how you feel in comparison to others your age, etc.

    Expanding on what Starry said in terms of your feelings about wanting to live - let me give you a little bit of background. I lost a parent this year to suicide and I've also felt suicidal myself so I guess you could say I have experience of both sides. Starry is absolutely right and if you were no longer here, it would impact on more people than you realise and in ways you never could imagine. However, I also understand that feeling of not being worth enough to be here anymore. Have you tried talking to someone about these feelings? I know your not looking for answers but sometimes talking these feelings through with someone can help lessen how strong they feel and maybe help you make a bit more sense of them.

    Something that you said as well about why can't you be like normal people that know how to live their lives...I apologise if I've mistaken what you've said; however, if you meant it seems like everyone knows what they want to do with their life and are doing just that - I think that is not really the case but can seem that way...when I was 17 it seemed everyone knew exactly what career they wanted, what they wanted to do, etc but I had just dropped out of college for the 2nd time, was working part time in a dead end job and had no clue - but now at 23 I'm in my final year of a degree and have been lucky enough to find a suitable career I really enjoy and the friends I thought knew what they wanted? Some have careers, some are at uni, some have children of their own...but I only know of one that is doing the job they wanted to when they left school/college!

    You are still very young, yet at an age where your expected to be treated like an adult and the transition into a new amount of responsibility and lots of decision making can be a really scary prospect but you really aren't alone. I may be wrong but sometimes you can get caught in a cycle where you feel alone and confused and feel that your not on par with your peers - this in turn can have a knock on effect on your self-esteem; making you feel your not good enough, so then you go back to not feeling good enough and so it goes on...which may be contributing to your feelings now? Again, it might be worth talking to someone about these feelings to help you make sense of them?

    I apologise if I've mistaken anything you've said and not helped but I guess like Starry night, I wanted to reassure you that it is ok to feel a little confused and overwhelmed - keep posting :)

    Whitelillies you understood everything i said. when we sisters fight or these days i had a lot of trouble and fighting with my sister's boyfriend because he is living with us(i posted about it before) and i blame my fater and mother about it and she start talking about how being dead is good for her because she can't take it any longer and she stars crying too.that's why i don't talk to her. :(
    i have no friends to talk to,and i don't talk to my relatives about my feelings.
    All i have is a friend from this site,i don't know what i do without her.:) If it wasn't for her i am not here anymore.:(
    About the part where i said that i want to be like normal people i mean that because people know how tohave fun i don't know what fun is:(. and they work or go to school they have friends to hang out with.they go out in the weekends with friends,they go out with men of have a boyfriend.and i meant what i said in the first post too that some people know what they want.
    my parents don't think that i'm young.but whn i say something that i'm unhappy or that i am better off dead they say that i'm a childish and i don't know what i'm talking about.and i think that my appearence have to do with this stuff too which i really hate.:(((
  • Starry nightStarry night Posts: 674 Incredible Poster
    Hi again
    You are at an age where a million wonderful things can happen. You have years of great things ahead of you, everyone has. Everyone can find something great, something to live for.
    As for friends, for years I never fitted in. Still don't. I have close friends I go out with now and they are ok. Sometimes you are lonely or a loner because you haven't found the right people yet. There's so much time for that. There are people in marriages who are lonely, people who secretly hate the people they hang out with. I think it's better to wait for the people you want and suit.
    In the meantime you are going through a crap time which is setting you up nicely for the future. Any pain in the past-especially when you are a teenager-gives you resilience for the future. You are gaining great knowledge and strength which will help you for the rest of your life.
    Your parents would be grief stricken if you died-even if you aren't getting on very well at the moment-parent/child bonds are deep and go past that. There are people who find out that you are having a crap time and think "Hope she's going to be ok" How nice would it be to let them know that you did it. You won. You didn't let anything get in your way-you struggled but you still made it. That would be such a brave thing to do and you can do it. Also, I don't know the whole situation. There may be people out there rooting for you who you wouldn't have even considered. There were for me.
    No one is truly alone. Be your best friend- you won't find anyone who knows you as well. After all, if you can't love yourself-how can you love anyone else? There's so much ahead of you. There is always the chance of something going wrong, but there is always the chance of something truly spectacular happening. And the odds are pretty equal. Each day you are getting close to the end of the crap times.
    :)
    Sorry for the essay lol
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi again
    You are at an age where a million wonderful things can happen. You have years of great things ahead of you, everyone has. Everyone can find something great, something to live for.
    As for friends, for years I never fitted in. Still don't. I have close friends I go out with now and they are ok. Sometimes you are lonely or a loner because you haven't found the right people yet. There's so much time for that. There are people in marriages who are lonely, people who secretly hate the people they hang out with. I think it's better to wait for the people you want and suit.
    In the meantime you are going through a crap time which is setting you up nicely for the future. Any pain in the past-especially when you are a teenager-gives you resilience for the future. You are gaining great knowledge and strength which will help you for the rest of your life.
    Your parents would be grief stricken if you died-even if you aren't getting on very well at the moment-parent/child bonds are deep and go past that. There are people who find out that you are having a crap time and think "Hope she's going to be ok" How nice would it be to let them know that you did it. You won. You didn't let anything get in your way-you struggled but you still made it. That would be such a brave thing to do and you can do it. Also, I don't know the whole situation. There may be people out there rooting for you who you wouldn't have even considered. There were for me.
    No one is truly alone. Be your best friend- you won't find anyone who knows you as well. After all, if you can't love yourself-how can you love anyone else? There's so much ahead of you. There is always the chance of something going wrong, but there is always the chance of something truly spectacular happening. And the odds are pretty equal. Each day you are getting close to the end of the crap times.
    :)
    Sorry for the essay lol

    your right starry night. but sometimes i can't cope with the stuff.:(.
    thanks to you and WhiteLillies you made my day better than it was.:)
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    pink girl wrote: »
    your right starry night. but sometimes i can't cope with the stuff.:(.
    thanks to you and WhiteLillies you made my day better than it was.:)

    I'm glad you're feeling better. Remember you always have me and the wild child. I'll pm you. xx *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The notion that there is something as such as "normal" is a bit wide of the mark. Everybody is different in their own ways. Whilst people can often be quite similar in both appearance and personality, with the things they do, if everyone was the same than life would be rather boring. I personally get quite sad when I hear of people trying to be normal and to fit in, its better all round in my mind if people act as they normally would and dont try to fit in with others. If you change who you are, then its not really you that might "manage to fit in". Like I was alluding to above, what is normal? How can you judge normal if people are all different.

    As others have mentioned in this thread, you still have a lot to look forward to in life.
    Why i can't be a normal person like girls my age that know how to live their lives . why my life have to be this hard, and why i hate it so much?
    why no one understand me? why did i even lived when i was born? wouldn't it be easier if i died when i was born? why i had this life instead of a better one? why did my parents had to have me? if they didn't bring me in this world,their lives would be better would it ? Why do i have to cut myself to feel better? wouldn't it be easier for everyone if I'm not around?
    I didn't write these because i want answers,i just have to get it off my chest.

    You seem to worry about causing your family problems, to the point it is worrying you a lot. As you seem to be concerned about your family, I'm sure they are quite concerned about you, and they certainly would have been if you had died. It's heartbreaking for a parent to lose a child, whether through a miscarriage or during birth, or even later on in life. You ask questions such as "wouldn't their lives be better" etc, and it seems that its the questions that are hassling you more than whatever the answer would be. Trust me, a family losing on of their own is going to be heartbreaking for them, so losing you wouldn't make their lives better.

    I know you wrote those questions without wanting answers, and with the aim of just getting it off your chest, so I apologise if I have gone a little too far for what you are expecting. Though people are here to listen if you need/want to be listened to.
    :wave:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pink girl wrote: »
    Whitelillies you understood everything i said. when we sisters fight or these days i had a lot of trouble and fighting with my sister's boyfriend because he is living with us(i posted about it before) and i blame my fater and mother about it and she start talking about how being dead is good for her because she can't take it any longer and she stars crying too.that's why i don't talk to her. :(
    i have no friends to talk to,and i don't talk to my relatives about my feelings.
    All i have is a friend from this site,i don't know what i do without her.:) If it wasn't for her i am not here anymore.:(
    About the part where i said that i want to be like normal people i mean that because people know how tohave fun i don't know what fun is:(. and they work or go to school they have friends to hang out with.they go out in the weekends with friends,they go out with men of have a boyfriend.and i meant what i said in the first post too that some people know what they want.
    my parents don't think that i'm young.but whn i say something that i'm unhappy or that i am better off dead they say that i'm a childish and i don't know what i'm talking about.and i think that my appearence have to do with this stuff too which i really hate.:(((

    I think your parents response of calling you childish is because they may feel a little uncomfortable or don't know how to respond to you, not because they genuinely think your childish.

    In terms of what you have mentioned about your appearance - again, this to me suggests it is a confidence issue - you come across as being unhappy with the way you look, this has a knock on effect to your self-esteem and can subconsciously make it difficult for you to make new friends, etc because you already feel like your not good enough and feel that people are judging you based on your appearance - even though this is usually not the case. Have you tried joining any clubs that are related to your hobbies/interests which would help you meet some new people?

    It's great that you feel comfortable coming here and posting as that means you are getting some outlet for your feelings...have you tried talking to someone outside of your family unit? Maybe a GP, trusted adult or counsellor? It can be really hard making that first step - but it can be a huge relief...? They can also help you make sense of some of the feelings you have.

    As G-Raffe said, there really is no definitive definition of "normal" and you shouldn't change who you are just to try and fit in. Eventually you will find friends that you connect with and who will be friends with you because they like the genuine you.

    You can and will have a great future ahead of you so don't give up...I can also assure you like everyone else that your family would be devastated to lose you...

    Keep posting and let us know how things go x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    G-Raffe wrote: »
    The notion that there is something as such as "normal" is a bit wide of the mark. Everybody is different in their own ways. Whilst people can often be quite similar in both appearance and personality, with the things they do, if everyone was the same than life would be rather boring. I personally get quite sad when I hear of people trying to be normal and to fit in, its better all round in my mind if people act as they normally would and dont try to fit in with others. If you change who you are, then its not really you that might "manage to fit in". Like I was alluding to above, what is normal? How can you judge normal if people are all different.

    As others have mentioned in this thread, you still have a lot to look forward to in life.



    You seem to worry about causing your family problems, to the point it is worrying you a lot. As you seem to be concerned about your family, I'm sure they are quite concerned about you, and they certainly would have been if you had died. It's heartbreaking for a parent to lose a child, whether through a miscarriage or during birth, or even later on in life. You ask questions such as "wouldn't their lives be better" etc, and it seems that its the questions that are hassling you more than whatever the answer would be. Trust me, a family losing on of their own is going to be heartbreaking for them, so losing you wouldn't make their lives better.

    I know you wrote those questions without wanting answers, and with the aim of just getting it off your chest, so I apologise if I have gone a little too far for what you are expecting. Though people are here to listen if you need/want to be listened to.
    :wave:

    G-Raffe your right.i wrote that i wasn't looking for answers because i taught that it is boring. And thanks for your advice. since i discovered thesite it means a lot for me and the members in it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think your parents response of calling you childish is because they may feel a little uncomfortable or don't know how to respond to you, not because they genuinely think your childish.

    In terms of what you have mentioned about your appearance - again, this to me suggests it is a confidence issue - you come across as being unhappy with the way you look, this has a knock on effect to your self-esteem and can subconsciously make it difficult for you to make new friends, etc because you already feel like your not good enough and feel that people are judging you based on your appearance - even though this is usually not the case. Have you tried joining any clubs that are related to your hobbies/interests which would help you meet some new people?

    It's great that you feel comfortable coming here and posting as that means you are getting some outlet for your feelings...have you tried talking to someone outside of your family unit? Maybe a GP, trusted adult or counsellor? It can be really hard making that first step - but it can be a huge relief...? They can also help you make sense of some of the feelings you have.

    As G-Raffe said, there really is no definitive definition of "normal" and you shouldn't change who you are just to try and fit in. Eventually you will find friends that you connect with and who will be friends with you because they like the genuine you.

    You can and will have a great future ahead of you so don't give up...I can also assure you like everyone else that your family would be devastated to lose you...

    Keep posting and let us know how things go x

    your right like G-Raffe said.i taught about go to a doctor but after thinking about it i removed it from my mind. I don't want to go to my family GP because i don't like him that much and the last time that i went to see him because i cut my hand and i needed stiches,he told me that if i do it again he will send me to a suicidal place.And he sent me to a counsellor but it didn't work out so i stopped going.

    when i get a job i am thinking to go to take art lessons i love drawing so i taught i give it a shot.And one day maybe take a guitar lessons too.
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