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Help! I've fallen in love with my Fuck Buddy

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have known my fb for 4 yrs and fancied him when I first met him. some intimacy went on (not full on sex) and this continued for about 6 months until I gave up and started a proper relationship with someone else. that didn't last long and ended in bad terms and wished that I had never went out with my ex! Anyway my now fb had still kept in touch.

After me and my ex split I started seeing my fb and for 1 1/2 yrs of being him I have developed strong feelings for him and I think I'm in love with him.

He had a sexual fantasy - threesome with another girl! He managed to pursuade me into it and because I like him that much I agreed to help him fulfil his fantasy.

The other day he told me he recently got in touch with a girl he met 2/3 yrs ago and she seems to be coming to the idea of a threesome. To be honest I don't want to share him with anyone else. anyway he recently told me he had sex with the other girl which killed me!

For the past couple of days I could not sleep properly and I don't know what to do!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    stop seeing him?

    why did you agree to be fuck buddies
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can't seem to stop seeing him.. I agreed to be fb bcos I like him and having him as a fb is better than nothing. I've tried to separate my emotions at first but I have developed strong feelings for him.
  • *Holly**Holly* Moderator Deactivated Posts: 140 Settling in
    Hi VeryConfused :wave:

    Unfortunately a fuck buddy situation can sometimes go this way, with one person developing feelings for the other. It's quite natural though, to start falling for someone you're sleeping with over a long period of time. Try not to beat yourself up about it.

    Have you ever spoken to your fb about how you feel? Does he know? If not, he may not realise the effect his behaviour is having on you do perhaps isn't being as thoughtful as he could be. And if he does know, it's worth asking yourself if he's really the great guy you think he is if he's continuing to sleep with you when he knows you want more, and is talking about having sex with others.

    Let us know how you're getting on.*hug*

    Holly
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    It doesn't sound healthy for you to be with him as a fuck buddy at the moment. In the end if he doesn't feel the same you're only going to be hurt.
    It's best to talk it out with him, and you shouldn't let him persuade you into anything you're not 100% happy with just because you like him.
    If he's a good guy he should understand and come to a decision about where to go from here.
    Even if you're with him like this, can you honestly say you won't want more? How will that affect you in the future? You'll probably end up more hurt than you are now. It's best to know where you stand.
    Good luck hun, hope it all works out. xx :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for your reply. In the past I have mentioned that I only wanted him and no one else. He said he can't be in a serious relationship. So, i have brought it on myself. To be fair, he's been honest with me my day one and it was up to me to accept or leave. I thought I could handle and control my own emotions, but as time goes by I have realised my emotions were in controllable. I want to tell him how I feel but deep down I know he may back off if he knows I've fallen for him. so I have actually In front of him acted strong and calm. sigh...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To me it doesn't really matter if he understands the situation or not, he is still to an extent using you.
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    G-Raffe wrote: »
    To me it doesn't really matter if he understands the situation or not, he is still to an extent using you.

    VeryConfused.Com is also using him. But getting hurt in the process. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How am I using him??????!! I see him more than just a fb...for the whole entire time I've never considered any other guys even if he doesn't mind..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ...having him as a fb is better than nothing..

    It's worth pondering this a while.. it might be painful to give up on the intimacy you've enjoyed but if it's damaging your self esteem in the process then finding the strength to walk away could protect you from having your feelings hurt anymore. Even if you knew the score at the start and thought you could manage do you think there was a part of you that hoped it might grow in to more?

    If not then well, feelings change and grow and you've not done anything wrong by falling for this guy. It might help to put yourself in someone else's shoes? What would you suggest to a friend that came to you with the same problem?

    If you decide to tell him and he backs off then as painful as the idea of it might feel, it would also leave you free to find a relationship that really made you feel good. Of course there's also the possibility that it will be a nice surprise to him if he really has no sense that this is how you feel. Essentially though, without talking to him you're always going to be second guessing how he might feel :chin:

    Whatever you decide, look after yourself and let us know how you get on.. it might also help to make time for other things for a week or two, see other friends and keep busy doing things that you enjoy. It could give you some space to think? Talking here can help you to clarify things in your mind and we're always here to listen :)
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    How am I using him??????!! I see him more than just a fb...for the whole entire time I've never considered any other guys even if he doesn't mind..

    I mean that you are both using each other for sex. Or at least that was what you both agreed on. Obviously your feelings have grown, but what about his?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for your lengthy advice Jo7. I appreciate all your comments/views. This wk is coming onto the 3rd of not seeing him. A few months back he didn't meet me for nearly 2 months but I waited for him and he does always come back but for what reason? who knows.. the views you have all expressed I have already thought of too...

    Yes, I do hope for more, sometimes I think I'm not good enough for him. I constantly try to better myself for myself but also for him. I really don't know anymore..
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    You deserve to have a happy relationship, just really think before you decide your next move. xx
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