Anxiety is stopping my bf getting work

Former Member

My boyfriend is fairly intelligent, he's got a good CV, a bit of experience in all sorts of areas, yet he's been out of work for 6 months plus and not had permanent work in years. I looked at a covering letter that he sent with one application and I could see the anxiety and desperation in it from the language he used.

He does his best to not apply for customer facing roles because he can't face it. When we go out he gets freaked out about asking for things in shops or making conversation with people he doesn't know. He doesn't like going places on his own because he's constantly scared he's going to get lost.

He knows he has issues and he wants to work on them, but I can only get him to see a doctor locally as a temporary patient because he's only staying with me until I can move into somewhere a bit more suitable (but that could be months away).

I've tried to get him to do some relaxation and look at some self help books but he keeps saying he just needs to get a job and then he'll be around people and he'll be fine, but I don't think he realises that its a vicious circle.

What can I do or suggest?

Former Member

I can relate to always feeling anxious and agree with you that it's a vicious circle.

Though he may be right and these skills and feelings of worth may come with getting a job it is still going to be a bit of a barrier actually getting a job.

Are there any job skill classes near you? Around where I live they call them 'Skills Workshops'. I'm not sure where you are but perhaps a google of free job workshops may bring up something. You could also ask the job centre about relevant courses though I'm aware they can be a bit shit at times.

I think that looking over his covering letter was really helpful of you. I did the same thing for my boyfriend and was amazed at the amount of negative language he used without realising it. I think it's a lot easier for someone else to pick up on it than it would be for the person themselves. It's good having someone else look at it and help because people often need encouraging to big themselves up a bit more.

How do you think he would feel about volunteering in the meantime? Something he can be fairly picky about before he commits and may open up a few doors in the future if it's to do with something he is really interested in.

Reena

What has he tried? After a panic attack I was told about a breathing exercise. It's simple and effective.
My counselor said to breath in through the noise and let it out slowly through the mouth, longer than the breaths in. She said to count if it helps. Then keep doing it until you feel more relaxed.

Because of my depression I get a little anxious in job interviews, I had feedback from one and realized how much I could have said and didn't. The interviewers knew me well and said the were surprised because they knew all the things I did and could do, but of course it had to be treated as a proper interview, and the job was based on the answers everyone was giving.
He needs to see clearly all of his positive traits, the facts. What can he do? Is he hard working? See if you can get him to write down all the positives about himself, you could add to them as well. Then he could use some of that list to help with a job interview. That's what the interviewers suggested to me.

Has he thought about a job where there is little contact with other people? I have a friend who's boyfriend worked for amazon, mainly packing goods, very little interaction, and he said the money was pretty good. Do you think he would be interested in something like that?
Reena xx

Former Member

He's done a CV writing and an interview workshop already and he's applying for mainly IT stuff anyway, but still I know it's difficult for him. I've been trying to get him out to meet up with one of my best mates who lives locally, and he's been dragging his heels and seems really concerned about going into social situations.

I'm hoping that if I put some more books under his nose he might make use of them.

Reena

Do you think a confidence building course would be of interest to him? Do you think it would help?
I went on one and it was the start of everything for me. Without it I wouldn't have gone to college, got counselling, learnt to drive and got my first job.
The one I went on was 'Breakthrough to Excellence.' I was told about it in the careers advice center when I was 17/18.
xx