should I be worried?

Former Member

HI, I am a married woman and have two children my youngest is 2 months old. Around the time I had my baby I found text messages, emails and facebook messages from my husband and his female co-worker. Some seemed flirty to me and alot were not about work related issues. I have talked to my husband about this and he has reassured me that nothing is going on and he has no feelings for her. Now, they are co-workers but do not work in the same building but do see each other on occasion. I freak out just the thought of him having to see her or go to work dinners where she would have to be there. I still feel like there was flirtation going on from his part and I keep thinking about this and I am so jealous that it is driving me crazy. Before I had the baby our relationship was lacking some intimacy and such and I feel like he was going to her for some female attention. They talk about shows they have in common and work things where they would text or message each other outside of work time. I feel like I caused him to reach out for a relationship with this girl. One night while we were watching Big Brother he text her about the show and I saw him. I confronted him and told him I thought it was in appropriate that he text her while he was sitting there watching the show with me. Maybe I feel left out because I feel like he has more in common with her then me?? This jealousy is consuming me and I don't know what to do. I don't want to ruin my relationship...help!!

Former Member

I wouldn't hide your feelings from your husband, that would in time make it worse. This is really something you need to bring to the table with him. If it's bothering you this much, it needs to be addressed. Be open and honest about how you feel without letting your emotions get the best of you. Whatever questions your burning about, I would go ahead and get them out in the open. (as calmly and clearly as you can) I hope that helps a little... jealousy is a tough nail to chew on.

Reena

JoeLeeFTW is truly a cool newbie. I agree with everything JoeLeeFTW said.
You may find that it was only harmless flirting and that they are just friends. Friends can have stuff in common but it doesn't mean there is anything else to it. They may just enjoy chatting like we do on the boards from time to time.
But if their friendship (or whatever it is) is having this effect on you, it's best to tell him straight.
Don't worry about anything yet, just talk to him. xx *hug*

Former Member

Hi there adge1030,

Welcome to the boards :wave:

Sorry to hear about your doubts concerning your husband's fidelity. It seems like this situation is really frustrating and upsetting you. Having just had a baby and going through all these mixed emotions can also make things even harder *hug*
Jealousy can be on of the hardest feelings to deal with.

Noticing the signs of a possible cheat can be hard at times - especially if you ask and he says it's just friendship. As JoeLeeFTW says the best way to approach this is in a calming way, possible sitting down, and ideally not after he has received a text, send one, or seen her. He could easily be defensive if felt attack, so approaching this explaining how "you" feel rather then what "he's" done could help.

You also say you feel like you were lacking intimacy before and worry this could have brought him closer to her; not that this is your fault, but telling him all this could help, as perhaps he feels the same way.

Good luck,do let us know how you get on