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Sometimes i get fustrated with my girlfriend and upset her even when she does her bes

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Im 28 years old and Have been in a relationship with an amazing girl for the last year, who really goes out of her way to do good things for me and try to please me i could not honestly ask for more. Im a pretty good guy in that im honest, try to be a good guy for her, and do the right things to show her how much i love her etc we spend alot of time together for a few weeks at a time and then are away for a few weeks because of work etc and we get on great 85% of the time, and the other 15% we can argue usually over pretty stupid things. I know the problem is mainly me in that i get fustrated with her sometimes usually over small things. she is very sensative and can get firey when im fustrated, resulting in an argument and then blocking me out or giving me the silent treatment resulting in me getting more fustrated. 2 examples are i always seem to spend alot of time waiting for her eg she is always taking pictures with her iphone everywhere she goes and im constantly waiting for her to catch up or if she asks me to take a picture of her she will get cranky a bit if i dont do it "exactly" like she instructs and then i end up get fustrated and turns into a big argument. The other time i get fustrated easily is when we go grocery shopping.... We always seem to spend alot more then everyone else even when we try to cut back.... We still end up spending double everyone of my friends in similar situations. How can i control my fustration i have been trying but its not working and stop things getting out of hand before it all blows up. I love this girl with all my heart an we both talk about how we can fix the problem eventually when it all cools down, but it always comes about again....we just have trouble in this area and its taking a big strain.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru

    *i think she doesnt handle the situation the best way possible, i know it is my problem that i get fustrated sometimes but all in all i am a pretty patient guy and try to look at the situation from both sides if i can. When im fustrated i can be blunt with my words...... I never get nasty but my tone i use and facial expressions are not the best, this is what gets her firey! And once we reach that stage she closes up completly and withdraws *and gets upset etc She is an only child and i think has got alot of stuff her way in her life so has a bit of a problem seeing stuff from other peoples point of view or accepting it ........ Sometimes it feels like i can not have any faults or must handle every situation positively all of the time. I do try very hard but sometimes it just happens too fast depending on my mood or if im tired or bad day or whatever. At the moment i am the only one earning any money so theres a bit of added pressure there too as i really do try to do my best as im supporting her at the moment. When shes upset she always starts talking about we should break or its not ment to be especially if i can not improve myself. This sounds like i am painting her in a very negative light but believe me in all honesty she really is a great girl, honest, kind, trust worthy, sincere, basically everything a guy could want and i love her especially when we get on so well most of the time. I think her problem is she is so straight about what she wants that she is unprepaired to accept anything less, when shes upset logic and sense goes out the window to a certain degree and she can overlook in that time all the good things i do for her. I always try to do the right thing by her even after we argue and continue to watch out for her, i am not the kind of guy who will storm off and leave her in a situation where she could potentially get in trouble eg alone on dark streets but she can go out of her way to *make it very difficult for me to look out for her.... Basically what ever i do ... It will be the wrong thing and she can be pretty disrecpectful to me after we argue.*

    If she wasnt worth it i wouldnt be doing it or asking but she is worth it. Im no angel but im not a bad guy either! Is there some way or trick *i can use to talk to her properly when i feel fustrated?? Or am i stupid and is it reasonable for her to act like this when upset?*
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    ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    You're not stupid. And we as humans can have moments where we act irrationally. So some of her behavior could be seen as reasonable because we let our emotions over take reason and act a little rashly sometimes.
    We all need some time to recharge, so you can't be expected to always approach things positively. It would be nice but not very realistic. However as long as you try to stay calm, it shouldn't blow out of proportion.

    Maybe when she says about breaking up in the heat of the moment, it's a little to do with guilt. You going out to work supporting her.

    You know what they say; nothing worth having comes easy. If you believe your relationship is worth it, then you both need to work hard to keep your cool instead of arguing. Have you tried to be the bigger person? If she loses it stay calm, take a deep breath, raise your voice if you feel you have to, but don't shout. If you lose it too then it will take longer for you both to calm down.
    Good luck. xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there civilpek,

    Welcome to the boards :wave:

    It really seems you love this girl and she means the world to you - so that's a good start! Have a look at our article on communicating as a couple - have you spoke to her calmly about how you feel?

    As Reena said, trying to stay calm in those situations could make you the bigger person - but it's understandable for it to be hard at times, sometimes our emotions take over! Here is a little section from this article about dealing with anger that can help manage some of this frustration;
    One reason why some people get angry is that they find it hard to express themselves. They tend not to speak up for themselves and bottle everything up only to surprise everyone by exploding in anger. The trick here is to learn to be assertive rather than aggressive. This means that in relationships, at college, or at work, you need to learn to put your point of view across earlier rather than later - and while you are still calm. In order to do that, you have to feel that you are entitled to have your say. The way to be assertive is to use the word "I" a lot. Once you start using the word "you', you will sound angry and much less in control.

    Good luck and let us know how you get on :yes:
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