If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Hi. I'm an idiot. (er, triggery things probs)
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Guess I should have started this a while ago.
I'm not doing very good.
Have had to quit my job. Moving across the country to live with my dad. Because I can't function. Panic attacks daily. Sometimes I get the panicky feelings lasting all day (like today).
Best part?
The only way I can calm myself down right now is to make myself sick. And then as soon as I come back down to my desk the panicky comes back.
The fact that I'm two stone overweight at least isn't helping. I disgust myself.
I'm scared that I won't find a job because I'm so shit.
I'm scared that if I do, I won't be able to do it because I'm so fucking off the rails.
I'm scared that I'll never amount to anything and everything would be pointless.
I have days where I can't even walk properly because I'm so out of it. I'm dizzy and off balance and so, so tired.
My paranoia is off the charts. My previously sporadic claustrophobia is getting worse and worse to the point where I am not comfortable being in busy places. At all. Even if there's plenty of space around me, if I can't see a clear way out I'm freaking out. That's kind of led to me not wanting to leave the house.
I don't know what to do.
I've told my dad to get me registered at his doctor asap but I don't know what mental health support is like over there.
I have days where I just wonder what the point of myself is. I am convinced that I will never become anything. I will never be better than I am now. What is the point of carrying on if I'm just going to be this forever? I can't see a better life in my future. Not anywhere. I can't see myself getting a job, I can't see myself succeeding. I just see nothingness and emptiness. Why waste time when I should just end the misery and monotony now?
Yeah.
I dunno what to say. I don't need advice. I know I'm being stupid.
I'm sorry
I'm not doing very good.
Have had to quit my job. Moving across the country to live with my dad. Because I can't function. Panic attacks daily. Sometimes I get the panicky feelings lasting all day (like today).
Best part?
The only way I can calm myself down right now is to make myself sick. And then as soon as I come back down to my desk the panicky comes back.
The fact that I'm two stone overweight at least isn't helping. I disgust myself.
I'm scared that I won't find a job because I'm so shit.
I'm scared that if I do, I won't be able to do it because I'm so fucking off the rails.
I'm scared that I'll never amount to anything and everything would be pointless.
I have days where I can't even walk properly because I'm so out of it. I'm dizzy and off balance and so, so tired.
My paranoia is off the charts. My previously sporadic claustrophobia is getting worse and worse to the point where I am not comfortable being in busy places. At all. Even if there's plenty of space around me, if I can't see a clear way out I'm freaking out. That's kind of led to me not wanting to leave the house.
I don't know what to do.
I've told my dad to get me registered at his doctor asap but I don't know what mental health support is like over there.
I have days where I just wonder what the point of myself is. I am convinced that I will never become anything. I will never be better than I am now. What is the point of carrying on if I'm just going to be this forever? I can't see a better life in my future. Not anywhere. I can't see myself getting a job, I can't see myself succeeding. I just see nothingness and emptiness. Why waste time when I should just end the misery and monotony now?
Yeah.
I dunno what to say. I don't need advice. I know I'm being stupid.
I'm sorry
0
Comments
You made a massive amount of progress, and you were doing really well - so you've proved you can do it and you can make it work. Nothing goes perfectly for anyone all of the time, and by the sounds of it life is in a bit of a wobble. Wobbles happen to everyone, in different ways and at different times.
The fact that you're being proactive in dealing with it, in asking for help, in recognising your limitations, in seeing the limitations of your current situation and in moving to somewhere where you'll be better placed to make progress is a huge leap on the Panda of several years ago who would have been saying how what you've written is a perfectly normal way to be.
Congrats on what you're doing to help yourself. Try and be a little bit patient with yourself - use the support you can get here and elsewhere and start, slowly, and bit by bit trying to make the waves in the wobble a bit smaller.
Hugs.
(And you're definitely not an idiot, or a sausage)
What you feel about the future, all of that you said is what I felt once. I stayed home, and saw nothing in myself, my future or abilities. I didn't know what to do with me life.
But I personally think no one truly knows what they want, and struggle to see their future whether they're depressed, or the happiest person in the world. So try not to let the future worry you, none of us know what lies ahead, and thinking about can do more harm than good.
Everything you wrote, it was like me back then. I honestly saw no point in trying to make my life anything other than what it was. But I got so much support that it changed my mind.
Who knows how you'll feel after the right help?
Never feel sorry or stupid, reaching out isn't easy and you may often feel unsure about what to say, just remember to keep reaching out. *hug*
I can only really echo what scary monster has said about life having it's wobbles.
I don't know if this helps, but any time you need to rant you know where my inbox / etc. are. xx
As Scary Monster said, you've already made one step by recognising you're having problems and you're trying to sort them out by registering to see a Doctor in your new area. So don't underestimate the good things that you've already done
There's not much I can say, but I'll give you some *hug* xx
Thank you.
I still feel stupid. It's getting worse, too. Could batrely be in Tesco on Wendesdy. Am right now having a massive panic attackk (worsee than any I've had for aq long fucking tiume) for no fucking reason,. Hence silly typing, sorry.
I hate hate hate being me right now.
Tesco is a dive.
Unfortunately that wasn't why .
Deal with life in bite sized chunks young lady. Remember. Bite sized chunks.
I didn't realise Tesco would be so bad, though, y'know? I mean, I know I have to be able to see my exit and there be a CLEAR ROUTE OUT, but I didn't think that going to pick up my prescription (pharmacy is at the back of the store) at a Tesco I've been to countless times would be a problem. But I was shaking like a leaf and I could barely hide it.
Sigh.
This.
I wish I could offer you a solution but I can't, you know only you can do that. What I have learned though is that those solutions are there - whether medicated or not - and they are inside you. All you have to do is take your time and find them. There isn't going to be an overnight improvement back to where you were but I suspect that you know that too.
Just focus on the fact that you *can* do it, mainly because you have before.
(hugs)
I hated going out. I was terrified and suspicious of people and the world outside. Even now I sometimes feel I can't deal with it. And that's ok, those days I feel I need to be alone, away from crowds and stuff. So I don't go unless I really have to, or want to. But most of them time I go and its not as bad. I walk with my head up more, and just think, focus on what I'm doing or getting, ignore everything else.
I used to walk always staring at the floor. (:
I had a panic attack about a year or 2 ago, and it was terrifying, so I understand how hard it must be for you suffering with them. Just take your time, one foot in front of the other. *hug* xx
So last night I spent shaking and unable to take deep breaths.
Today seems as though it will be similar. My dad will be here in about an hour and a half. Fuck's sake, brain. FUCK. OFF.
If it does, tell me how you did it coz mine needs to fuck right off too.
*hug*
Brain transplants should be a totally legit treatment for mental health problems >.<
Yeah I think we have different things going on, but I'm with you on being un easy about things. Big hugs to you frankipanda lady.