Need your view on that - I think friend does not care about me anymore :(

Former Member

Hello dear community,

I would like to have a neutral view of the following situation that made me really sad in the last few days. Maybe I am exaggerating, maybe not, I would like to hear other opinions.

During summer, I became really close friends with a guy that worked at the same place as me (we were both from another country). We even lived together for some time. We promised to stay in contact and visit each other after the summer. He returned to his home country three weeks ago. Since then we talked on FB, our only communication means right now.

Some days ago he told me suddenly, that he has a lot of work to do now in the next weeks. "So I will chat with you again in 16 days since I will be so busy".

I don't doubt he is busy (he is a translator). But seriously. For 16 days, so busy 24 a day, that you can not even drop one message to a friend? If he would be locked away during that time, ok. But on contrary, he is still on FB most of the time, also doing stuff, liking, making friend etc.

So to be honest, that last message sounded to me more like "I am not interested in talking with you actually". Also, I cannot believe he won't do any chats or emails or anything with other people in that 16 days! I mean it sounds like a really lame excuse. You cannot even say Hi or How are you to a good friend?

Well, the easiest thing to do would of course be to ask him what this is all about, but after this message, which made clear he won' have any contact with me during that "busy" time, I really don't feel like contacting him by myself.

I feel really quite hurt - it seems to me that he will have only time for people that interest him. Coz you cannot tell me you will be soooo busy for over two weeks that you cannot have any kind of social contact.

Well, what do you people think of that situation? To me it seems just weird and like he does not care about me anymore What would you think, if a close person sends you a message like that?

Former Member

Chances are you're worrying over nothing. He might be having contact with other people socially during that 2 weeks, but to be fair if he's just got back to his home country, he's probably got catching up with friends and family he hasn't seen in a while. At least he's explained the situation, if he didn't want to be friends, I'd be more inclined to say he would just delete you from facebook, rather than say he's going to be busy for 2 weeks. I guess everyone has different levels of social interaction, not having contact for 2 weeks with someone I consider a close friend is not unusual for me. I'd say wait the 2 weeks and see if he makes contact :thumb:

Former Member

Hi flibbertygibbert,

thank you for your answer. I would really like to be able to see it that way, since it makes sense. The thing is, I also see him interacting with people that are still here at the company, not only friends at home. So somehow I feel really sad, when seeing him online doing stuff with others and for me has not even a Hello or so.

Also, shortly before I had told him I am having a quite rough time at the moment, a sick family member, job trouble... to hear then that he will not have a single second for me in the next two weeks makes me really sad. And why do you have to make an announcement for that at all I wonder. To me it really sounds like he looked for an excuse to ignore me for a while

Right now I feel like when that busy two weeks are over, I will either not reply to him anymore or tell him that this made me quiet upset. Might make things worse, but it really gets to me and I would like him to know that

Former Member

It's a tricky one, people can be difficult to judge sometimes. I guess the kindest thing you can to for yourself at the moment is try to concentrate on your other friends for the time being. It sounds like you've got a lot to deal with at the moment *hug* and you can always vent on here, there's always people around who'll listen.

Reena

I agree with flibbertygibbert.
You might just have to confront him once the 2 weeks are up, and see what he says.
Someone once told me, 'That some people come into our lives, for a short time when we need them, and then they fade out of it because we don't need them anymore.' I don't know if that's true, but I know that I have lost touch with many I considered my friends. I haven't seen one of my friends for about a year and a half. But when we start sending texts we always arrange to meet up. So even though we don't speak regularly we're still good friends.

If you know for a fact he has been in touch with others online, texting, etc, then I would be cross too. Are you sure its him on facebook? Someone might be using his FB to send things. If he is, then personally I would be offended.
Try not to worry about it. Like flibbertygibbert said, be around friends you know are there for you. xx *hug*

Former Member

Hi BlueBunny,

Welcome to the boards :wave:

This friend seems to have really upset you. It's maybe not even whether he will contact you again that hurts you but that he said he would be busy, yet he seems to have made time for others. It's normal for you to feel sad as it could feel like you have lost a friend and you don't know why! Doesn't seem very fair on you, especially if you say you were going through a hard time and he knew this *hug*

It's up to you what you decide to do from now - perhaps he needs space and wasnt sure how to tell you, perhaps more is going on for him than he showed/said - either way its up to you to decide now whether you want this friendship to continue or not if he comes back to you in 16 days.

As upsetting as it is, sometimes mates do go bad - and maybe these are the times, as flibbertygibbert says, to appreciate and connect with your other more reliable friends.

Sometimes people can take us for granted and he doesn't seem to have considered how his behaviour online is contradicting what he's said and that this might upset you. It might be worth "unsubscribing" from his updates for a while to prevent being reminded of the situation? That way you might find the 16 days goes by a little quicker.

Good luck and do let us know how you get on :yes: