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Depression and concentration

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Does suffering from depression affect your concentration? Your enthusiasm for things? It's making me feel very tired, but I don't feel like I'm physically depressed, I haven't felt like that for years, and sometimes I actually want to feel physically depressed just to feel some emotion, even if it's something to remind me what it's like to feel something.

Comments

  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    I think it does. From what I remember I found it hard to follow what was going on sometimes, and I could never be excited about things. Sometimes I'd put on an act that I was because I thought people would think I was weird if I just stood there. I think that's why I ended up hating parties. Because I had a hard time getting on with people, I had to try even harder at parties. I used to go but never really liked them, I was more, "what's the point? Its just my birthday, why have a party. Its just another day."
    Once, my mother couldn't find me, she was looking for me everywhere outside, but I was asleep in bed. It was around 6pm. I was still just a kid (12/13) I must have worried her a lot.
    So from what I can remember I think so. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When did you begin to have mental health problems? Did you know what it was that you were experiencing? Or did you feel ashamed?
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    I can't pin point it. I think I was too young to understand. It was no later than 12, but I think it may have been anything from 10 up. Like I say, I think I was too young to realize what was going on with me. But my mother said she noticed a change in me, and thought it might have been hormones normal growing up things.
    I'm not sure about feeling ashamed, I was so mixed up and confused. Its really hard to say. When I got older I did feel ashamed. Ashamed that I let others do that to me. I felt stupid for feeling that way, and didn't want to admit to anyone I was hurting over such small things. But it got worse when I started to become paranoid.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I used to enjoy feeling depressed sometimes, it made me feel something, even when I was feeling so unhappy. But physically it was really exhausting, I felt tired, my body ached, I couldn't think, couldn't have any conversation without forgetting what I'd said. It was something I don't want to experience anymore. How did your paranoia begin? Would you feel comfortable writing about it? It's misunderstood, but can be terrifying.
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    I don't mind saying.
    Like with my depression, it was so gradual I didn't really notice until I was at my worst.
    Maybe from 13 up. By the time I was 17, I would look around, thinking someone was following me. I'd hear kids walking behind me, laughing, and I'd think they were laughing about me, or following me, making fun of me behind my back. Sometimes I'd have to fight back the tears. Still walking, with them still behind me.
    I kept thinking everyone was out to get me. "Please stop, leave me alone, stop laughing at me, I don't even know you." It got so bad that I dropped out of 6th form, and I hardly left the house. It was the only place I felt safe. Well most of the time. I would hide and pretend no one was home if people came to the door.
    At times I even believed my friends and family hated me. That they didn't really like me, only pitied me, putting up with me because they felt they had to. I couldn't stand it. I felt like everyone was the enemy. I felt so trapped and alone with only one escape. At times like that I would self harm, and think the world would be better off without me. Why be in a world where I was hated, unloved and unwanted?
    I was torturing myself, I believed things were happening when they weren't, things being said that no one had said. Everything felt so dark and confusing at that time, I didn't think of it as terrifying then, more unbearable. When I looked back as I was recovering, it was terrifying. Terrifying that I truly believed it.
  • plugitinplugitin Posts: 2,197 Boards Champion
    All those things you mentioned in your first post are pretty standard characteristics of depression. I can relate to your wanting to feel something - I've had that going on for aaaages, too. In a way though I find it worse to feel some kind of emotion than to feel numb.

    I've suffered from all of those symptoms as part of my depression and it makes life so, so difficult. Finally things are beginning to improve and I hope they do for you too.
  • ReenaReena Posts: 1,375 Wise Owl
    plugitin wrote: »
    All those things you mentioned in your first post are pretty standard characteristics of depression. I can relate to your wanting to feel something - I've had that going on for aaaages, too. In a way though I find it worse to feel some kind of emotion than to feel numb.

    I've suffered from all of those symptoms as part of my depression and it makes life so, so difficult. Finally things are beginning to improve and I hope they do for you too.

    I'm glad to hear things are improving for you, keep going hun xx.
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