How do I explain to my family I want to have sex?

Former Member

I have never had a sex talk with my family. I asked my parents but both of them said no in the past. My dad and mom keep saying to wait for marriage. That is not what I want. I don't want marriage to be a perquisite for responsible sex. As long as there is respect, trust, and responsibility when having sex I don't see the problem. Also when I have sex I am monogamous so that solves alot of problems. It would be nice to get another contraceptive that I can use other than condoms yea. However my family very likely will never help me pay for it. I do have some money in the savings while looking for a job still. I am kinda poor...If I do really end up getting pregnant i'll likely get an abortion since the costs of even giving birth to a child I cannot afford. I do have money for that. Apparently it is 1k or less if caught and done within 11 weeks. My parents had me when they were about 21 or at least really early 20's. Right now I am 20. I was born before they were married. If I ever have a child I will not want such a future for them. I want to experience sex and explore it though. I am not a baby but a young woman still finding out who she is. Which is why I am just dating and letting things happen but still trying to be responsible as I know how to be. My family sees that since I make less money than them I should be seen as a child not an adult with a sex drive. I obviously will be having sex in healthy moderation. I am thinking of simply not telling them. I have told my grandma that I will be having sex before marriage but I will never tell her when or how. She gave me this condescending look. She keeps telling me all guys are up to no good and they only want to get what they want. She even called her ex husband a sociopath. He obviously was not if so many people came to his funeral that loved him so much...I really just can't talk to my family. Does anyone know anything that I could say that might persuade people like this? Or should I simply never tell them....?

Former Member

You're an adult, you don't need permission to have sex. Once you're over the legal age of consent, no one can stop you

Former Member

It's your life it has so all to do with your parents! Ok, I know in the UK sex before marriage is normal and religion doesn't come into the equation with many people. Having sex within a healthy mature and committed relationship is the best way to go (at least at first) but its not the only way! Heck, as long as you always use condoms and you take the pill or have an implant or IUD/IUS what's the issue? Yes, there are plenty of guys who just want sex, but who's to say you don't just want sex too? There have been periods of my life where I've just wanted a good fuck and not a relationship. Educate yourself on sex, relationships, and find out really want it is you want to explore and work out how's the best way to do it for you.

Former Member

Can i ask what location you're in? I have a feeling your comments on the cost of abortion may be wrong, but only if you're UK based...

Former Member

She's in America :thumb:

Reena

Haseo wrote: »

I have never had a sex talk with my family. I asked my parents but both of them said no in the past. My dad and mom keep saying to wait for marriage. That is not what I want. I don't want marriage to be a perquisite for responsible sex. As long as there is respect, trust, and responsibility when having sex I don't see the problem. Also when I have sex I am monogamous so that solves alot of problems. It would be nice to get another contraceptive that I can use other than condoms yea. However my family very likely will never help me pay for it. I do have some money in the savings while looking for a job still. I am kinda poor...If I do really end up getting pregnant i'll likely get an abortion since the costs of even giving birth to a child I cannot afford. I do have money for that. Apparently it is 1k or less if caught and done within 11 weeks. My parents had me when they were about 21 or at least really early 20's. Right now I am 20. I was born before they were married. If I ever have a child I will not want such a future for them. I want to experience sex and explore it though. I am not a baby but a young woman still finding out who she is. Which is why I am just dating and letting things happen but still trying to be responsible as I know how to be. My family sees that since I make less money than them I should be seen as a child not an adult with a sex drive. I obviously will be having sex in healthy moderation. I am thinking of simply not telling them. I have told my grandma that I will be having sex before marriage but I will never tell her when or how. She gave me this condescending look. She keeps telling me all guys are up to no good and they only want to get what they want. She even called her ex husband a sociopath. He obviously was not if so many people came to his funeral that loved him so much...I really just can't talk to my family. Does anyone know anything that I could say that might persuade people like this? Or should I simply never tell them....?

Its good you want to be open with your family, but frankly its none of their business. Your a consenting adult and its your body. If you were younger I could understand. And yes ideally it would be nice to wait until your married but this is the real world.
Maybe your family want you to wait because they don't want you to regret being with some one unless you're really sure. If that's the case then they are just looking out for you. I say this because I remember telling my friend when we were 16, to sleep with her boyfriend only if she wanted to, to be 100% positive he was worth it and that it was what she wanted not him, because she wouldn't be able to take it back if she regretted it. And you know what she did. Not to long after that creep she met her now fiance, they have been together for all this time and have a beautiful baby girl. She really wished she had waited.
So just make sure its what you want. Okay hun.

Former Member

First of all you should be able to make decisions for yourself. rather than asking someone. i am not saying you shouldn't tell you parents. but think for yourself that is it okay to tell them. and be responsible. sex is something we can enjoy. it is not only for reproduction. so have it if you want it. but take the needed precautions and find someone who is a decent and good fellow who will respect you and wouldn't dump you at the end. and if it is your first time. try not to drink and have it.