Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Aged 16-25? Share your experience of using the discussion boards and receive a £25 voucher! Take part via text-chat, video or phone. Click here to find out more and to take part.
Options

sex or loving relationship

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hey all
i couldnt decide what to put this in sex or relationships, but i thought sex. :)

so i was wondering to myself would you rather have sex with lots of people and never find mr or mrs right. or would you prefer it if you found mr/mrs right had sex with them and only them and stayed with them all you life.

its just my mate has been with her bf for 3 years and she lost her virginity to him and she is willing to spend the rest of her life with him. and i sleep wiv a few lads and just cant seem to fine mr right, i know im only 19 but i just dont seem to have luck! sometimes i wish i was her and just had mr right from the start, instead of having relationships that always seem to end in me getting hurt! i hope my post made sense.

so what do you all think???
«1

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The one person thing, a loving relationship beats a 20 minute shag hands down.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    even if that was the only person you EVER had sex with?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah why do you need multiple partners to achieve sexual satisfaction?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ive slept with 4 guys and I wasnt going out with any of them at the time. Some people have a problem with it but at the end of the day, Im young, free and single, and I suppose Im just experimenting. It might be special to think that youve only slept with the one person, but I dont care, I also think its nice to think that Ive slept with more than one person as Ive experienced more things from it, what different people like etc. If I was waiting around for Mr right then I wouldnt be having much of a life as I like to go out with a big group of mates and just have a laugh, and sharing the stories in the morning!

    I think that since Im only 17 its too young to have decided if Ive found Mr Right anyway, so I dont think Im missing out by not having the special one person Ive slept with, chances are meeting them at such a young age would mean that sooner or later things wouldnt work out so they wouldnt be the only one anyway.

    Im not planning on having any more one night stands now though, else I think i'd be taking it abit too far, Im just having a quiet time now.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i suppose you dont need loads of partners to have satisfaction!

    angelbabe you remind me of myself. (sorry if that was the wrong thing to say, im not tring to say your a slag or anything so dont worry)! ive had loads of one night stands im not proud of it just to feel wanted. it never helped me though. i just someone would love mo for me and not just wanted sex off me!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by xxhottxx
    i suppose you dont need loads of partners to have satisfaction!

    angelbabe you remind me of myself. (sorry if that was the wrong thing to say, im not tring to say your a slag or anything so dont worry)! ive had loads of one night stands im not proud of it just to feel wanted. it never helped me though. i just someone would love mo for me and not just wanted sex off me!

    Dont worry I know your not calling me a slag. Dont know whether its to feel wanted, just the fact that they turn into one night stands as such, I dont go out looking for one night stands. Guy one thinks Im too young as Im 17 and hes 23, guy two still wants to see me again, we got eachothers numbers and he still txts me, so who knows maybe something will come of it but im not sure if I want him yet, guy three had a girlfriend which i didnt know about, and guy four started trying it on with my best mate so i ditched him.

    Slags are people who go around and sleep with anything of the opposite sex, but Im still fussy :p
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    angelbabe you lost your virginity in a one-night stand? do you regret your one night stands or do you just put them down to experience?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by xxhottxx
    angelbabe you lost your virginity in a one-night stand? do you regret your one night stands or do you just put them down to experience?

    Kind of lost it in a one night stand but then kind of didnt. I was seeing a guy and we started to have sex but I was in too much pain so we stopped. Thee was alot of blood so I think he had broken me in, and when I slept with the next person it didnt hurt at all so I thougt it was because I had already been broken in, so I was broken in by someone who meant alot to me and I had liked for over a year, but I first 'had sex' as a one night stand, yes, but I still see him, he goes to college so I'll see him next year as well, its not like it was some random stranger who I havnt seen since, were still in contact, its just the age thing getting in the way.

    I dont really regret my one night stands, I just put it down to experience. Cant say Im proud of them becasue I know what some people think, but at the end of the day you cant change the past so why dwell on it?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd soon have the One Relationship, But as you are going to be together so long you could try open marriage, 3sum, kinky shit just to keep the spark alive..... Seeing as you both will stay committed to eachother and wont cheat there shouldn't be any harm in it;) :D

    On another note, I understand why you girls have those one night stands, but you never really going to get the love you seek from them, you must relies this?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know i aint going to get the love i need to seek from one night stands. it doesnt stop me from doing it though does it, its kinda of away of feeling loved. sometimes i regret it because people will think im a slag or slut or something. im not though just maybe insecure.

    angelbabe glad you put it down to experience, and not dweel on it you will never get anywhere if you dwell! so why did you and the guy you cared about splitt up, aorry if im bieng nosy you dont have to answer.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    On another note, I understand why you girls have those one night stands, but you never really going to get the love you seek from them, you must relies this?

    I realise it yeah, but Im not intending on having any more one night stands anyway, it was a passing phase I think. I lost my virginity and then got abit carried away, but I know I wont do it again anytime soon, some bloke tried to bed me yesterday, I knew him, hes a mate of a mate, but I said no, even though hes drop dead gorgous. I just realised that thats not what I want to be doing all the time. I see him as a mate and nothing else, its just nice to think of these guys who want to sleep with me, especially since he doesnt/didnt know about my past so its not like he'd heard I was an easy lay or anything.

    I can imagine that sex in a relationship is much nicer and now Im just waiting for some night in shining armour to whisk me away and make passionate love to me for eternity ;) Hey, I can deam cant I? :D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    angelbabe glad you put it down to experience, and not dweel on it you will never get anywhere if you dwell! so why did you and the guy you cared about splitt up, aorry if im bieng nosy you dont have to answer.

    I got extremely pissed one night and declared my undenying love for him! I made a total idiot out of myself as I was going over the top and saying how I really love him and he's absoutley stunning and perfect and I wouldnt change him for the world blah de blah...
    In the end I think I scared him off because of it, he thought I was getting too commited too fast. Oh well :(
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think a loving relationship is miles better than having lots of one night stands. mind you, I think its good to sow your wild oats a bit before settling down, because otherwise theres the risk that a few years down the line, youll start thinking that you missed out on all the fun. Ive had a few one night stands and most of them were crap, as the first night with someone, you cant relax fully. I think you need to sleep with someone a few times for it to get really good.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by xxhottxx
    i know i aint going to get the love i need to seek from one night stands. it doesnt stop me from doing it though does it, its kinda of away of feeling loved. sometimes i regret it because people will think im a slag or slut or something. im not though just maybe insecure.


    I just can't see the logic in this, You no you wont get all the love & affection you need, Only a little and it will never last, yet you still do it!!

    So the next day you regret it!? Its Sound like you're in a nasty Cycle!

    Why not clean up your act and find a bf?!?
    (I mean that in a nice way)

    It can't be that hard, can it?:confused:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Definately the loving relationship.:D

    But I only know this because of the experiences I have had before I found it.

    As you may have picked up Im divorced and have had a number of relationships of varying length (1 night upwards) both before and after I was married.

    Without these I would NOT appreciate what I have now. Nor would I have known what I wanted from someone for me to want to be with them forever.

    Trust me, when you find that special person the sex is THE BEST you will ever have, but only experience will tell you that. I do sometimes wish that my gf had been my only partner and she does the same, its a romantic folly. but we both know we wouldnt appreciate each other the same. I also think that if you have never experienced it with someone else, curiosity will get the better of you. Its inevitable you will wonder if what you`ve got could/should be better.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Harmless yes, it can be that hard, ive tryed and maybe i should keep trying. it is a horrible cycle but every reationship ive been in never works ive been cheated on, treated badly everything. which kind of scares me to go into another relationship. i have tryed to stop my one night stands, and i did for a while. then i met my ex and i was with him for just iver 4 and a half months i decided i was going to wait til we had sex, and not rush into things. so i had sex four and a half months into the relationship. a week after we had sex we had an argument and we were shouting alot of abuse at each other and he turned around to me he said hes got the sex he wanted and now hes going. i felt used i was so upset but he says he wants me back, but i cant take someone back who said that to me! sorry if i was explaining my whole life story then, it just gives you a better understanding of why i have one night stands.
    although i havent had one for a while as im trying to change my past and start fresh again!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by xxhottxx
    Harmless yes, it can be that hard, ive tryed and maybe i should keep trying. it is a horrible cycle but every reationship ive been in never works ive been cheated on, treated badly everything. which kind of scares me to go into another relationship. i have tryed to stop my one night stands, and i did for a while. then i met my ex and i was with him for just iver 4 and a half months i decided i was going to wait til we had sex, and not rush into things. so i had sex four and a half months into the relationship. a week after we had sex we had an argument and we were shouting alot of abuse at each other and he turned around to me he said hes got the sex he wanted and now hes going. i felt used i was so upset but he says he wants me back, but i cant take someone back who said that to me! sorry if i was explaining my whole life story then, it just gives you a better understanding of why i have one night stands.
    although i havent had one for a while as im trying to change my past and start fresh again!

    Lots of things get said in the heat of the moment. See if hes really sorry (thats if you are interested in him) It is difficult when you`ve had th experiences you`ve had. Just over a year ago Id had a really bad one (1 of many) I caught my (at the time) gf actually shagging another bloke:eek:
    That was my final shred of trust gone. I went out and had a 1 night stand for all the wrong reasons and felt shit about it, (partly because I knew she wanted more) I then swore that was it, no more women just my Bike, Beer and Footy. Then I bumped into my (current) gf had asked hear out 10 months B4 and fancied her REAL BAD, and Id not seen her since. I just couldnt let her walk by, and I broke my vow. Now 1 year on everything is wonderful. But shes had similar experiences too, her ex-hubby continually cheated on her and an ex bf then turned out to be living with his pregnant partner:eek: So we both know how each other feel about such things, which is a big help.:)

    Anyway, after all the waffle, what I was trying to say is, dont give up but dont make it your goal in life. Someone will come along when you least expect it and change your life.:D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    bandit thank you for your post it was really nice, i see your point. i suppose ive had one night stands for all the wrong reasons! i wish you all the best with you and your current gf.
    do you think that you appreciate your gf more because of what you have been through?

    the thing is even if you are arguing you wouldnt come out with that, unless you meant something by it. because him saying that really upset me. i went to meet him and he says his sorry and bhah blah, im not interested though. i dont want to get hurt again.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by xxhottxx
    bandit thank you for your post it was really nice, i see your point. i suppose ive had one night stands for all the wrong reasons! i wish you all the best with you and your current gf.
    do you think that you appreciate your gf more because of what you have been through?

    Yeah, cos I know shes been hurt in the same way so we both understand each others insecurities. But that said we are great together, its not just cos we know we wont cheat on each other

    the thing is even if you are arguing you wouldnt come out with that, unless you meant something by it. because him saying that really upset me. i went to meet him and he says his sorry and bhah blah, im not interested though. i dont want to get hurt again.
    :)

    Ive said things to my gf in the heat of the moment. If Ive felt hurt or threatened by something shes said Ive retaliated. I dont mean it and its very childish:o Probably in the instances I have its because my insecurity has reared its head again. If all he wanted you for was sex, Im sure hed have got bored and moved on B4 41/2 months. There are plenty of girls out there who wouldnt make him wait. It just sounds like he wanted to hurt you in some way at that particular moment in time. he knew it was important 4U to wait to be sure he wanted YOU so thats here he he hit you! If you really like him, give him chance to prove himself, but on YOUR terms! If you`re really important to him he`ll understand.:)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know if he just wanted sex he wouldnt of waited 4 and a 1/2 months but i trusted him. why say it, i dont understand. i admit i say things in the heat of the moment but nothing like that.
    also how do you mean on my terms?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by xxhottxx
    i know if he just wanted sex he wouldnt of waited 4 and a 1/2 months but i trusted him. why say it, i dont understand. i admit i say things in the heat of the moment but nothing like that.
    also how do you mean on my terms?

    Whatever it takes for him to gain your trust and prove hes really interested in you!

    Dont rush into sex again for one. ;) If he cares he`ll wait.
    Whatever else you need from him for him to prove himself to you. Dont be too hard though, hes only human, and from personal experience its easy to say things like that if you feel hurt or wounded. I dont know what your argument was about etc but think back if there was anything said by you that could have made him want to hurt you. But try not to take it so seriously, cos Im sure it wasnt meant that way.

    On the other hand if he did mean it, the fact he was prepared to wait 4+ months says a lot about you.......you must be really HOT ;):D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont know how the argument started but it got really bad, we were both crying. he told me that he used me, im ugly everything. but then again i did tell him he was shit in bed but that was after he told me he used me. i dont remember saying anything that would make him say something like that.
    i might just give it enough try and see what happens. thank you so much you have really helped me i never knew starting a post like this could sort things out for me!
    4 and a 1/2 months aint long my sis who is 16 her bf has waited longer than that for her.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey! i would have a loving relationship that beats anything. id rather be loved by someone then to have sex with numerous amounts of people just for the sheer hell of it. well thats my opinion luv jai x
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    babes r us, I like you Sig, made me smile anyway. short and sweat!

    xxhottxx, I'm sure you will meet another bf soon, You shouldn't give up hope of meeting someone nice, You could play it safe maybe and take your time, that way you limit yourself falling in love with them, and wont sleep with them right away.

    Also try looking at the shy guy's, less chance of them using you for sex and treating you badly.:)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Definitly a loving relationship sex is for the purpose of creating babies although im not religious i regret not saving it till my wedding night it shows a little more love. oh well its done i could not live with myself if i had had a one night stand.
    short and sweat!

    :D i know what you mean harmless
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by *DEVIL*


    :D i know what you mean harmless

    Eh, come again. You lost me Hon!

    Was it a joke aimed at me, or have I just missed the point!:confused:
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Harmless


    Eh, come again. You lost me Hon!

    With pleasure babe ;):p
    Was it a joke aimed at me, or have I just missed the point!:confused:

    SWEAT = odour, perspiration smelly excretion from the armpits mainly although it can come from other places ;)

    SWEET = something that is cute, sweets (confectionary) sweet you know :D

    sorry just the mood im in :D:p
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    harmless i did look for a shy guy and that was my ex bf! he used me for sex but after what bandit said he made me see and i think im gonna try things out with him again and see how it goes!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey so anyone else going to answer what would you prefer loving relationship with the same man/woman (mr/mrs right) for the rest of your life and have sex with them and only them. or sleep with lots of people and never find mr/mrs right!!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by xxhottxx
    hey so anyone else going to answer what would you prefer loving relationship with the same man/woman (mr/mrs right) for the rest of your life and have sex with them and only them. or sleep with lots of people and never find mr/mrs right!!

    I think its fairly obvious that everyones gonna prefer the loving relationship though isnt it? And sleeping with lots of people doesnt mean that your not looking for mr/mrs right. Ive slept with 4 people as you will have read by now, but Im still looking for a loving relationship and mr right, although I dont want to find him just yet as I think 17 is far too young and settle down with a boyfriend, I like to go out and have abit of fun first.

    So in actual answer to your question, yeah loving relationship is the best, but having fun before that loving relationship is also good as you learn about yourself in the mean time and can have abit of fun.
Sign In or Register to comment.