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Relapsed - could be *triggering*

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi guys, I'm new here and well to be honest I only joined because I relapsed tonight back into my self-harming ways. I couldn't help it and have cut my thighs and wrists after 6 months of being almost completely clean minor some burnings which I deserved so I'm not counting those. Also I started dieting again, the skinny diet which it what I adore and have done several times but I ended up purging today after dinner as I felt so fat and useless. I really don't want to end up back where I used to be, I can't go back into counselling and hospital I can't end up back there or I won't ever come out. I hate myself.

Comments

  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,720 An Original Mixlorian
    Hey Trustme,

    It sounds as though you have a lot going on for you right now, so you've taken a very brave step by reaching out to people on here, well done :) Recovery has a few relapses through the process, we just have to try our best to get through it and get back on to are feet. Most of all, you need to believe in yourself.

    When you feel like self harming, have you looked at thesite.org's article on Coping Tips and Distractions, there a list of useful alternatives you can do rather than self harm, would you give it a look? http://thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/copingtipsanddistractions I also understand that distractions don't work for everyone, what have you done in the passed to stop the self harming urges?


    Can I ask, why don't you want to go back in to counselling? You don't have to do it in hospital. You can do it, at school, home etc...? It varies on were your getting support from, how would you feel about visiting your Dr about the things that are going on?


    Have you also considered checking out Mind's article on Self harm, http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/self-harm, let me know what you think ^.^ - Glad you posted, take care. *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Angel,

    Thank you very much. I tend to not think of it as brave, I think of it as a sign of weakness but then it's a sign of weakness for me to even slip back.

    I'll take a look at the links you posted, if I felt like self-harming I'd often go out for a run or punch something hard - but I'm currently living with my aunt as my mum kicked me out and I don't want to say that I need to start running again as she'd want to know why and as she knows about my old addiction to exercise she'll be nervous to let me start running again.

    I had counselling through my school for 2 and a half years, going through 3 counsellors because my first said I was too messed up for her to help, my second became my friend so my school said it was unprofessional and my third was completely useless so I chose to end counselling. My GPs put me on a list to see a psychiatrist but I'm not deemed a major threat to myself or others at the moment so I'm on a waiting list, I don't like seeing my Dr because he tried to tell me I had schizophrenia for almost a year which I definately don't.

    Thank you *hug*
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    trustme wrote: »
    Hi guys, I'm new here and well to be honest I only joined because I relapsed tonight back into my self-harming ways. I couldn't help it and have cut my thighs and wrists after 6 months of being almost completely clean minor some burnings which I deserved so I'm not counting those. Also I started dieting again, the skinny diet which it what I adore and have done several times but I ended up purging today after dinner as I felt so fat and useless. I really don't want to end up back where I used to be, I can't go back into counselling and hospital I can't end up back there or I won't ever come out. I hate myself.

    I know what you mean about 'ending back where I used to be.' After years of being free of depression and self harming and started to slip back when I was told I would lose the job I loved. I went to my GP and started seeing the college counselor and I beat it again. You can too. With the right help I'm sure you can.
    Depression will be with me most likely the rest of my life, it will come and go, sometimes strongly other times in small doses. Its a question of managing the times when it does.
    We're all human and are prone to weakness, but that doesn't mean we are weak. Strength and bravery are measured in many ways, small steps are sometimes the most courageous. So you should think of it as brave.
    I think you are brave. xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Reena wrote: »
    We're all human and are prone to weakness, but that doesn't mean we are weak. Strength and bravery are measured in many ways, small steps are sometimes the most courageous. So you should think of it as brave.
    I think you are brave. xx

    Thank you so much, it's a battle but one that I've fought before. It's fantastic knowing that there are people who I can turn to for help and advice, even reading your post has helped me feel happier and a bit less weak. xx
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    I'm glad you feel happier. If ever you need to talk, there will always be someone who cares right here.
    Never forget that hun xx.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey, I'm new here too and I joined for kind of the same reason.

    Anyways, It's totally normal to relapse, it's part of recovery.
    Try alternatives to self harm like chewing ice, ripping up paper, drinking hot chocolate, sleeping, taking a nice hot bath, eating something spicy, etc.

    Think to yourself, why do you self harm? The first step to recovery is realizing the problem.
    If you already know, take action. If it's a problem you can fix, try fixing it. If it's out of your hands, try having a more positive outlook. Don't isolate yourself, and tell someone as long as you trust them

    Never feel ashamed of self harm, it's not attention seeking either.
    I hope I helped :)
  • ReenaReena Fanatical Poster Posts: 1,375 The Mix Regular
    asyaa wrote: »
    Hey, I'm new here too and I joined for kind of the same reason.

    Anyways, It's totally normal to relapse, it's part of recovery.
    Try alternatives to self harm like chewing ice, ripping up paper, drinking hot chocolate, sleeping, taking a nice hot bath, eating something spicy, etc.

    Think to yourself, why do you self harm? The first step to recovery is realizing the problem.
    If you already know, take action. If it's a problem you can fix, try fixing it. If it's out of your hands, try having a more positive outlook. Don't isolate yourself, and tell someone as long as you trust them

    Never feel ashamed of self harm, it's not attention seeking either.
    I hope I helped :)

    Welcome, nice to meet you. xx
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