really annoyed

Former Member

I am so confused,my sister keeps ranting about her dad isnt going to know her gces results fair enough but,its not like he would care anyway.I dont understand how she could want to see him or even talk to him i knows shes her dads princess but she saw what he did.Everyone seem to be on his side protecting him to prevent him getting in trouble may just give up i cant be against so many people.I wish he would just admit what happened.I hate the fact other family members just sat and watched to,i used to have a big family they were no were near perfect and we used to pretend things were okay but i am stupid for doing this i dont get how they didnt stop it.Its all just my fault i guess i wish i could stop all the thoughts and feelings.Feel so alone and horrible im sorry for the rant.:crying:

Former Member

Hey *hug*

First of all, none of this is your fault, you are not alone in this and you are not horrible.

I know you've said you've reported him to the police, do you know what's going on with that?

Also, I know you've said you're going to uni soon, so could that be a chance to get away from everything that's going on at home.

We're always here for you *hug*

Nina x

Former Member

heya*hug*

I just feel horrible i wish i had stopped it i have caused pain by telling people i wish i just kept my mouth shut.ive not heard anything really they have said that they have spoken to a family member,but i know what to expect my dad always told me what would happen i even feel silly talking about it.I dont think i want to go to uni anymore i dont want to leave my sister its me he hates not her,if he comes round i should be here to protect her i have to do the right thing for once

Becks x

Former Member

You've done the right thing by reporting him, you should never have to put up with what was happening. If you don't hear anything from the police it might be worth contacting them again.

I know it must be hard speaking about it, but remember the speaking can help to stop him and to keep you safe.

Have you spoken to your sister about what she thinks about you going to uni? I know how much your sister means to you, and obviously its entirely your choice what you choose to do, but I saw how proud you were of getting into uni, and you don't want to miss out on that.

*hug*
Nina x

Former Member

Hi

I havent spoken to my sister much she has been really down lately so we are kinda trying to avoid the subject.I was major proud i didnt think i would get in but i will feel to bad going if he does do something to her just because im not here i wont be able to live with myself i dont want my sister to go through what i went through i guess i am just to used to protecting her,i love her so much and would do anything for her so i guess the least i can do is stay i might just out uni on hold until my sister is doing something with her life

*hug* beck

Former Member

Is uni far away from where you live? Taking a year or two out could be a good idea anyhow, I guess if you did choose to go this year then you might be distracted anyhow. It could still be worth speaking to your sister if you can, you've got a while before you need to go to uni yet (i think) so see how things are in a week or two maybe? There might have been some progress with the police by then too.

Nina xx

Former Member

becks, part of me is starting to think you need to take some time away from your sister, I'm worried that if you take a year out, you might not end up going.

Former Member

Hi yeah part of me thinks the same but i know how bad i feel she isnt well at the moment so i should stay because of that to.Its just really hard i dont feel i can live my life unitl she goes off and does her own thing away from here i will be worried if i leave she will just get worse.

Becks

Former Member

If you wait for that, you seriously risk missing your chance.

Leap! Go forth and learn! Get away from it all, from her, and your family situation. If you take a year out, make sure it's away from where you are now. You need to move on.

Former Member

yeah your right a part of me thinks i should just go but no one would look out for my sister and i love her so much i dont want her to get hurt like i did if i stayed here the first chance i get to go i will and maybe even have my sister stay with me

Becks

Former Member

You're not stopping her by being there though and it's not your job to keep her from doing things anyway.

You have got to get out.

Indrid Cold

You can't really help someone who doesn't want to be helped, IMHO. Take care of yourself for now and, if this is safe for you, make sure she knows how to find you when she'll want to be helped.

Former Member

If i am here he will hurt me instead of her its me he doesnt like its not fair for me to expect her to handle it :grump:

Former Member

It's not fair to expect you to handle it. Call the fuzz, and then go.

Former Member

ive always had, to the police are taking ages doing anything i wish they would just lock him up and throw away the key

Former Member

How old is she?

Former Member

she is 16

Former Member

Right, well if you leave, they have to do something. So off you go.

Former Member

yeah your right

Thanks:thumb:

Former Member

You're welcome.
To sum up though. Based on what you've told us, your sister doesn't really listen to your concerns. You can't stay home and miss your chances in the frankly vain hope of keeping her safe. You need to move onward with what you do, and as a result the care system will have to provide support for your sister (as far as I'm aware).

Good luck.

Former Member

Thanks and my sister makes it harder for me im so used to being her mum,yeah thyey should help us but no one did anything whilst it was happening so i dont really expect them to now.She knows my dad is a nasty piece of work she just wont show how scared she is.

Former Member

Did you contact a closer uni to see if there was any chance of getting somewhere closer to home?

I agree with Fiend, you need to think about yourself. I get that you are worried about your sister, I really do understand because I have been there. I left home because of abuse and had to leave my brother behind, he was 13 at the time and I was 19. I would have left earlier but I didn't want to leave him there, even though I knew that he wouldn't be hurt, it was only me that the abuse was aimed at. I was like you, I wanted to protect him and would not let anyone hurt him the way I was hurt.

It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I knew I had to do it or else I wouldn't get out. Have you thought about getting an injunction taken out against him? This would stop him contacting you (and your sister if needed) and would stop him coming near you both. That could give you a bit of peace of mind while you are away at uni. Most injunctions also have a power of arrest attached, meaning if he does come near you, he would be arrested straight away. I found Victim Support to be quite helpful on getting advice on injunctions.

Former Member

Hi yeah i did no luck as yet.

Sorry to hear what youve been through .I have allready left my sister once i moved up north to live with family friends it was only for like 6 months but i came back as it didnt feel right, i was also the favorite for the abuse.I had to move things were just getting worse, if i didnt go then i wouldnt have been able too.I already have an injuntion it wont stop him though he isnt too bothered about the law.

Becks

Former Member

I thought that about injunctions too, that it wouldn't make any difference but it did in the end, until it ran out that is, but you can extend them if you have funding.
How did you feel when you moved away for 6 months? How did your sister feel too? Did she manage to cope without you being there?

With me, it was a case of I needed my brother more than he needed me. I thought he needed me to stick around and look after him but it wasn't always the case. That may not be the same for you, but I realised he CAN cope without me, it was me who needed to hang onto him because it felt like I was losing everybody.

I've confused myself now but I guess what I'm trying to say is that she probably will cope okay if you're not around to look after her. And it doesn't have to be forever, you can still care for someone even if you're not with them 24-7.

Former Member

Hiya

Ive got it for a year,but i still do not know if it will make a difference.I felt kinda safe when i moved away i still spoke to my sister but she started going round his house more which scared me,he would never hurt her as bad but i still felt i had to come back.My family up north i was staying with also kind started to see something was wrong with me school started to phone them and things,i didnt want to tell them,but they found out and told my dad to be careful and run (this was because i had told the police)I cant believe they betrayed me like that not only did they tell but they left me with no where to stay.

Former Member

However, your situation is different now? You have a place at university and therefore university halls accomodation?

Former Member

Leap! Go forth and learn! Get away from it all, from her, and your family situation. If you take a year out, make sure it's away from where you are now. You need to move on.

I agree with Fiend, you need to think about yourself. I get that you are worried about your sister, I really do understand because I have been there. I was like you, I wanted to protect him and would not let anyone hurt him the way I was hurt.
It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I knew I had to do it or else I wouldn't get out.

*hug* It's hard to feel like you have to choose between yourself and someone you love - but sometimes we need to put ourselves first. Perhaps this separation could improve your relationship with your sister? What is your gut instinct telling you?

Former Member

Hi Ive decided to leave it for a year or so as things aren't sorted yet which I thought they would be a bit more.I just feel like everything is falling apart,I really wish i never said anything I dont feel I can do it anymore I dont usally let myself get in this state normally I try to be strong but I dont see the point he is only going to get away with it and do it again.:nervous::crying: