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Over controlling grandmother...and a bit more...what to do...?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Warning: This is a long post. I don't care about grammar on here. I really am going to type the way I speak. A bit of ranting and venting but mainly to explain things.
So I currently live with my great grandmother. I am now her driver which is part of the deal of why I get to live here. My grandma who is my great grandmother's daughter is nearby in a home with altimzers. My parents just divorsed not too long ago. My dad is traveling the world while working while I am stuck with my great grandmother for now. My mother lives about 2.3 hours away from me and cannot help me. My uncle who I never EVER see finally said hello to me not to long ago since my parents aren't around. Though we are not close at all. Ah I am 20 by the way. I have done some college at a horrible college. I was given a C for a class I never took a test for cause I stopped going. Yea! Diploma mill anyone...No I am not a horrible student. I made good grades in high school, did sports, etc. I was also commeneded on my history on the TAXS test. I almost made a 100 'cept for about 2 pts. I have held a job for over a year working for Aafes on post. I took care of myself feeding, doing my own laundry, cleaning up after myself, making my own doc appointments, etc. I know what responsibility is and whatnot.
My great grandma tells me to stay home it isn't even always for the sake of needing anything done. She constantly keeps making excuses why I should be staying home. When I do stay home she doesn't ask for anything. -.- Maybe pick her up some food but that is it. Mind we have alot of leftovers normally. Not too long ago my car battery died while at a friends house. This happened at about 10-11pm at night. She told me to come home...REALLY?! My friend lives about 34min away from my great grandma's house. It is night time in Dallas....There are plenty of days where all I do is an appointment during the day then take her to eat. After that I want to go hang out with some friends but she says no. Today she told me to go to bed at 9pm. -_- We are not even doing anything important tomorrow! We don't really get along since we have very different opinions. She also keeps treating my like a kid which worries me. I better not be emotionally replacing her dieing daughter. Yes my great grandma brings her up alot. My great grandma is also hoarding all of my grandma's stuff to. She wants to do a garage sale which she cannot do. I suggested to her that we could take the stuff to a pawn shop or the like. She refuses and decides to keep everything. She is keeping clothes and unmatching shoes that my grandma likely will never wear again! She is also trying to tell me how to live my life.
My family in general keeps wanting me to do things that they couldn't do. My dad wanted me to get a general business associates degree. So I took one class but he didn't like it. Also everything has to be done my parents way. I already know I can't lift my head up in class in the mornings. In high school it was the same I slept in class. But you know what I made A's in the classes I slept in and lower in the ones I was awake in. Yea weird. At my college I failed a morning class because I couldn't keep my head up. Once my teacher told me to stand up in the room. This made no sense. This was college.... If it was bothering the teacher that badly she should have just kicked me out of the class instead of making me stand. Making me stand did nothing. I was putting my head down so I could listen to instead of keeping my eyes open. There are auditory learners. So this made it where I couldn't focus at all. I am much better at artistic creative things than say business....I know this. I am in my early 20's finding out who I am but my parents want it now. Yes I have been exploring more then just creative artistic things but meh. My whole family wants me to go into debt for college now. I don't even have a job yet since I moved to my great grandmas house in July. I basically used July to settle in. For the first week I was busy moving things and whatnot from 9am-1am daily. No I am not kidding. I even painted the entire back room from 10am-1am...Yea...busy doing things.
My uncle gave me some advice to not care about money and to just go straight into college. I personally know someone who finished a 2yr degree to work as a computer maintenance guy. It's been quiet a long time since he graduated and he has still yet to find a job. They said it's okay if I don't have a job while going to college. No! I have a car that needs fixing now and then. No one is going to pay for that as far as I know.
My dad is wanting to take me to Europe but only if I go to college to get a degree next summer. If I am not in college to get a degree I can't keep my dependent military ID card. I don't even care about my military ID since I have a drivers license and I won't be going on post ever again to my knowledge. He's gonna take my health insurance away by age 21 or so. So why shouldn't I have a job anyways... I basically feel pressured to vacation with him next summer. He won't even be coming home for this Christmas. I have to take care of his car that he won't be using for over a year. If he is really gonna travel the world who is gonna take care of his care after I leave this house? Am I to take his car with me? :grump: My Great Grandma is already taking care of his dogs. It's creepy to cause my dad still tracks me by my phone even though he is overseas...
I could go on and on. But basically I feel manipulated, filling for other people's regrets, and whatnot. I really am trying to live how I want but it's just not working. I keep being guilt tripped etc...Any suggestions on what to do? Btw my family wasn't exactly healthy before this situation. I really could go on and on...My mom even warned me my dad might be using me to take care of stuff he doesn't want to. I am taking care of my grandma, looking for a job, trying to get out some but..What to do...?
So I currently live with my great grandmother. I am now her driver which is part of the deal of why I get to live here. My grandma who is my great grandmother's daughter is nearby in a home with altimzers. My parents just divorsed not too long ago. My dad is traveling the world while working while I am stuck with my great grandmother for now. My mother lives about 2.3 hours away from me and cannot help me. My uncle who I never EVER see finally said hello to me not to long ago since my parents aren't around. Though we are not close at all. Ah I am 20 by the way. I have done some college at a horrible college. I was given a C for a class I never took a test for cause I stopped going. Yea! Diploma mill anyone...No I am not a horrible student. I made good grades in high school, did sports, etc. I was also commeneded on my history on the TAXS test. I almost made a 100 'cept for about 2 pts. I have held a job for over a year working for Aafes on post. I took care of myself feeding, doing my own laundry, cleaning up after myself, making my own doc appointments, etc. I know what responsibility is and whatnot.
My great grandma tells me to stay home it isn't even always for the sake of needing anything done. She constantly keeps making excuses why I should be staying home. When I do stay home she doesn't ask for anything. -.- Maybe pick her up some food but that is it. Mind we have alot of leftovers normally. Not too long ago my car battery died while at a friends house. This happened at about 10-11pm at night. She told me to come home...REALLY?! My friend lives about 34min away from my great grandma's house. It is night time in Dallas....There are plenty of days where all I do is an appointment during the day then take her to eat. After that I want to go hang out with some friends but she says no. Today she told me to go to bed at 9pm. -_- We are not even doing anything important tomorrow! We don't really get along since we have very different opinions. She also keeps treating my like a kid which worries me. I better not be emotionally replacing her dieing daughter. Yes my great grandma brings her up alot. My great grandma is also hoarding all of my grandma's stuff to. She wants to do a garage sale which she cannot do. I suggested to her that we could take the stuff to a pawn shop or the like. She refuses and decides to keep everything. She is keeping clothes and unmatching shoes that my grandma likely will never wear again! She is also trying to tell me how to live my life.
My family in general keeps wanting me to do things that they couldn't do. My dad wanted me to get a general business associates degree. So I took one class but he didn't like it. Also everything has to be done my parents way. I already know I can't lift my head up in class in the mornings. In high school it was the same I slept in class. But you know what I made A's in the classes I slept in and lower in the ones I was awake in. Yea weird. At my college I failed a morning class because I couldn't keep my head up. Once my teacher told me to stand up in the room. This made no sense. This was college.... If it was bothering the teacher that badly she should have just kicked me out of the class instead of making me stand. Making me stand did nothing. I was putting my head down so I could listen to instead of keeping my eyes open. There are auditory learners. So this made it where I couldn't focus at all. I am much better at artistic creative things than say business....I know this. I am in my early 20's finding out who I am but my parents want it now. Yes I have been exploring more then just creative artistic things but meh. My whole family wants me to go into debt for college now. I don't even have a job yet since I moved to my great grandmas house in July. I basically used July to settle in. For the first week I was busy moving things and whatnot from 9am-1am daily. No I am not kidding. I even painted the entire back room from 10am-1am...Yea...busy doing things.
My uncle gave me some advice to not care about money and to just go straight into college. I personally know someone who finished a 2yr degree to work as a computer maintenance guy. It's been quiet a long time since he graduated and he has still yet to find a job. They said it's okay if I don't have a job while going to college. No! I have a car that needs fixing now and then. No one is going to pay for that as far as I know.
My dad is wanting to take me to Europe but only if I go to college to get a degree next summer. If I am not in college to get a degree I can't keep my dependent military ID card. I don't even care about my military ID since I have a drivers license and I won't be going on post ever again to my knowledge. He's gonna take my health insurance away by age 21 or so. So why shouldn't I have a job anyways... I basically feel pressured to vacation with him next summer. He won't even be coming home for this Christmas. I have to take care of his car that he won't be using for over a year. If he is really gonna travel the world who is gonna take care of his care after I leave this house? Am I to take his car with me? :grump: My Great Grandma is already taking care of his dogs. It's creepy to cause my dad still tracks me by my phone even though he is overseas...
I could go on and on. But basically I feel manipulated, filling for other people's regrets, and whatnot. I really am trying to live how I want but it's just not working. I keep being guilt tripped etc...Any suggestions on what to do? Btw my family wasn't exactly healthy before this situation. I really could go on and on...My mom even warned me my dad might be using me to take care of stuff he doesn't want to. I am taking care of my grandma, looking for a job, trying to get out some but..What to do...?
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Comments
How did you feel after writing all that down? Did it help at all? Sometimes just getting it all out can be quite helpful in giving you a release and TheSite boards are always here whenever you need to do that.
You've spoken a lot about what you great gradmother wants, what your father wants, what your uncle wants and that you feel guilted into doing certain things and living your life a certain way. However, you've not mentioned one thing that you want.
Family - and keeping family happy - are usually a big, important part of anyone's life. But you have to remember this is your life. You only get one. Do you know what you want to do? What makes you happy? What dreams and hope do you have? Where and how do you want to live? What career path do you want to take? Maybe it's worth having a big think about exactly what it is you want and how you plan to get there. That way, at least you'll have some sort of comeback when they're putting pressure on you?
Also, do you have anyone else you can talk to about this? Like a close friend? It could help having someone on your side you can confide in. Of course, the boards are always here and always on your side.
Let us know how you're getting on.
Holly