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Haven't been around in a while
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My long term relationship ended spectacularly a month ago when the chap pulled me by the arm around a room then later pushed me hard into a wall, which I'm told has probably broken a rib and still hurts. We were living together so currently still having to talk to him about ending the bills/ current account /lease, which is really scary. He cancelled the car insurance on my car (he was the policy holder) just to spite me, told me I was too immature for a relationship and that I was evil for provoking him into doing it.
Working in adult care with challenging behaviour this makes this the third time I've been assaulted in the last few months. I just feel scared all the time now that something else will happen.
Have realised (don't you love hindsight) that said relationship was quite controlling and have lost touch with a lot of friends. Working hard now to fix these friendships but tbh it's so hard seeing all of them so happy with their other halves.
Currently living with my Dad. Been off work the past few days because I was doing ok, but I just hit a wall, now work are on my back for a doctors report or something which i just don't know how to start dealing with.
Frankly have no idea how I pick up the pieces of my fucked up life. So I guess really I'm just looking for a bit of tea and sympathy, and to feel like a part of something again. Sorry this is all a bit heavy.
Working in adult care with challenging behaviour this makes this the third time I've been assaulted in the last few months. I just feel scared all the time now that something else will happen.
Have realised (don't you love hindsight) that said relationship was quite controlling and have lost touch with a lot of friends. Working hard now to fix these friendships but tbh it's so hard seeing all of them so happy with their other halves.
Currently living with my Dad. Been off work the past few days because I was doing ok, but I just hit a wall, now work are on my back for a doctors report or something which i just don't know how to start dealing with.
Frankly have no idea how I pick up the pieces of my fucked up life. So I guess really I'm just looking for a bit of tea and sympathy, and to feel like a part of something again. Sorry this is all a bit heavy.
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Comments
*hug*
Have a virtual cup of tea
The doctor's note is easy, just pop into your GP and say that your injuries mean you don't have the strength to lift and carry and that means you can't work - your emotional state doesn't need to enter into the report to your employer.
Having said that, I would recommend your doctor know how bad things are given your history, if you can bear it.
Well done for getting out; good luck.
Never going to be easy at this stage i guess but you know what they say and it is true "time heals".
If you can get a doctors letter for work then at least you can have a few days without having to worry about them on your back.
Glad you came back to thesite for some support im sure you have a lot of friends here. *hug*
Work already know its stress, have been rlly nice about it until this letter but it feels a bit of an invasion of privacy to let them see what dr said.
Don't rlly know if I wanna go drs- I'm internalising this a lot more than I usually do coping with stress so everyone's a bit surprised I'm off work, and I can convince myself sometimes, but then i feel so guilty every time i find myself having some fun. I've only got till weds till my self -certification ends and I have to decide something. I don't seem to be able to make a decision about anything.
According to R4, Tolkein used to pronounce is Smowg not Smorg. It's the little things...
More seriously, we're glad to have you back
Going to the doctors tomorrow. Bit scary.
I'll do a quick sum of men in my life just to try and make you feel not so isolated:
First man ("daddy oh"): His the kind of guy who looks amazing on the outside and to everyone else but doesn't really know how to treat his kids so as one of them he'll often do horrible things like let me down five minutes before he's meant to be picking me up or make me think im inferior to my sisters. But then he'll be lovely and I'll forgive him and then he's a twat again (emotional rollercoaster with him)
Mr. Black: He raped me and left me feeling dirty, like a slut and just didn't care anymore.
First Boyfriend: Everything seemed perfect, he'd moved in with me and I loved him until I found out he was cheating on my since day one.
Second boyfriend (mr. confusing) I loved him so much I thought we were going to be married and have happy children until I had enough of his controllingness and demands.
Third boyfriend: He was really nice like he'd take me anywhere, cook for me, clean even do the ironing but he was a workaholic he'd work from like 5am till 11pm most nights so I never saw him and I was left sitting around waiting for him to text which made me turn into ultra bitch with him appaz.
Now i'm single but I want a relationship, I've also had friends in tears over men who have slept with someone else behind their back. But I guess love hurts but when it feels right then its like magic and that's why we'll never give up no matter what we feel. Sorry though
Not really expecting replies, it's just nice to get it out.
I hope you don't mind smaug, I just really wanted to respond to this.
What's happened to you in the past is a terrible thing. Something I can't even imagine, and I know I could never face something like that. It makes me want to cry knowing these things go on in the world and my heart aches for anyone who's had experience of such things.
Our experiences make us who we are, we learn from them, grow from them. Its sometimes easier said than done to put the past behind us, but even if its hard, I look at my past, the way I was treated and the way I acted, and I think about how I can use the past to improve my future.
You are more valuable than you think, don't let a few worthless pond life bring you down. Thinking of you xx