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My Mum.....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
OMG my mum is a major pain in the ass, has i mentioned in my previous post that she is going on trial. since she wont leave me alone, she has a go at me for everything. also where my blackberry battery is messed up i cant use my phone and she doesnt believe me that my phone is messed up, over the weekend she said she was guna put my kitten down because i wasnt looking after him, next was a message comparing me to my nan who was more of a mum to me, and this all happens on a weekly basis.
recently i have been called selfish because i am 17 nearly 18 and trying to be more independant which social services are trying to help me do, but mum thinks im selfish because im putting college work before her, and i am growing up and being more independant and my life is no longer wrapped around her and she dont like that. a couple of months ago, she had a go at my boyfriend because she thinks he is taking me away.

what do i do?
i am trying to suceed in life and fully live it to the best i can, but i cant when she in pulling me down. i wont know till tomra but i may have a job now too, and yes i have a boyfriend who is extremely supportive and hasnt left my side.

sorry for babbling but i dnt know what to do about my mum.


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, sorry to hear your not getting along with your mum, that can be such a difficult situation when things go wrong with that relationship.
    It sounds to me from what you have said that perhaps she is feeling insecure maybe deep down she is frightened about her life ahead without you being involved so much perhaps she feels frustrated and bored with her own life,maybe just a little jealous of her daughter with her boyfriend about to to go and make something of herself.
    I would think that the only way to resolve this would be to take a step away from her let her stew for a while but try to be there to chat etc after a while things might begin to thaw between youu and you could get on better for giving each other some space.
    I am glad you have a boyfriend to lean on and you shouldnt really blame yourself if its your mum with the problem.
    Just maybe try to think of ways to help her through rather than rising to the bait and fighting all the time.
    Good luck anyway and keep us posted.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks x

    she hasnt contacted me for about 6 days now, and i know what she is like, if you look at her medical records there is alot of attempted sucides and im worried she has again and no one has told me. however, when she last overdosed, she admitted to doing it for attention. she has had a bad life herself and suffers from depression.
    tbh i dont know what to do.
    i dont have much of a family, my mum dont want me seeing certain people because of what they done to her, and i still see them, but everytime she starts 'bitching' and its awkward for me. she hates my aunt and my dad and everyone on my dads side. however, it still isnt much of a family.
    my boyfriends parents are even more supportive and i see them as my second family and im quite close to his mum, we bake and i go out with her to see if the quail have laid any eggs.

    oooo btw i got the job :D so theres a plus side. xx
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Although you rightly worry about your mum's health, both mentally and physically, you can't let it get in the way of things you want/need to do as where would it stop? At some point like it or not your mother needs to realise that you are gonna want to have a life of your own away from home/familly at some point. Does she have any close friends or family other than you?

    You need to get on with your life but perhaps keep an afternoon/morning or whenever free regularly every week to spend a bit of time with her even if it's just to go window shopping or grab a coffee at home together and have a chat. Make sure you stick to it so that she knows you still value her and the time you spend together but also tell her about whats going on in the rest of your life and how pleased you are about it so she will appreciate that you have other good things going on that you need to focus on.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im the only family and friend she as x

    im also in care so i cant give her weekly attention x

    she is completely reliant on me and always as been xx x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My only suggestion then is to encourage her to get out and start trying to live her life, she could take a class, join a club or anything like that to try and meet people and make new friends.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Another Rant....

    Now Im Mumless... If that is even a word.

    Apparently my cat died and now in the freezer :'( but i have no idea if she is bullsh*tting that or not :/ x
    i had an amazing weekend camping with boyfriend which i loved :D but came back to a list of messages from over the weekend, none of them are nice.

    to some up... she has left me....

    how am i meant to feel about this? x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi there KellyDreamer<3x :wave:

    It seems like you're struggling to balance your life with your mum's input in it. You should be proud of your achievement such as getting a job, being happy with your boyfriend and trying to become independent. It's a shame that it seems like your mum is perhaps putting a downer on things :( have you spoken to her about how this makes you feel?
    You say you're in care so cannot see her weekly, so how often do you see her? Perhaps use this time that you do see her to open up about what bothers you, as well as trying to listen to why she seems unhappy and left out perhaps?

    Like Louisek suggests, maybe your mum is going through a hard time or even struggling with your independence. Even though you should still keep going, recognising this difficulty for her could get you slightly closer.

    Have a look at this article on When parents won't let go which could help too :)

    Do let us know how you get on *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i have told her how it makes me feel, but she dont listen because she wants me wrapped around her 24/7, she dont care how i really feel :/
    and yeah she is having a hard time has she is going on trial, im a witness even tho im not there, and she keeps asking me to go there all the time and forgets i go to college full time and have lots of things to do. she just wants me to drop everything for her all the time.

    and also if i told her how i really felt she would have a go because tbh it sounds horrible but after what she said, i dont love her.... she has no respect for me, she thinks i lie all the time, she thinks i dont care about her when i do, she calls me a whore and that.

    below are some of the texts she sent

    'you aint my daughter, fuck off'

    'say bye to greg, i no longer exist, i hope you happy'

    'what you want to do with cat, cant keep him in freezer'

    and then she wonders why i dont talk to her...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey KellyDreamer <3x :wave:

    I'm really sorry to hear that the relationship with your mum still hasn't improved.

    I know you've said you've tried talking to her, have you tried writing her a letter? Maybe with just a few points explaining that now your older you would like more independence; however, that doesn't mean she is "losing" you, just that your relationship will change.

    I know that my mum is struggling a lot now my Dad has passed away and I've had to take on a lot of her grief; however, I have also managed to balance out the fact that she now has to learn to be independent by herself as do I and although thats been a really tough thing to do, slowly we are getting there.

    Maybe you could also highlight the advantages to not being around each other so often? Not being together so often means that when you are, those times can be special and you can do something girly together. Also, it means that you both can catch up on what each other has been doing. I know these things won't happen overnight or easily and that it will take equal commitment from both of you and that it has to be wanted by both of you...but it might be another way to approach the situation?

    With regards to the texts that she has been sending, I would suggest calmly sending a message back that is firm but fair. Something that makes it clear that you don't want to cut communication but you do expect respect from her as you would respect her, if that makes sense?

    As I've said before, your mum is probably feeling really tense/anxious/stressed about her upcoming trial and a lot of her behaviour may be misplaced onto you...I know that doesn't make it easier to handle but if you can try and learn to separate your feelings from hers, you may feel less overwhelmed by it all. Also, she may feel like her whole world is changing because of this trial and holding onto you is her way of trying to keep one area of her life "normal".

    Keep posting, keep talking. Nothing worse than bottling up how you feel! :) x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank you whitelillies :) xx
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