Mental Illness and Relationships

Former Member

At the moment, I'm coming to terms with the fact that in all likelihood, I will experience bouts of bad depression for various parts of my life and that I might even need a new diagnosis, due to mood swings. I'll soon be getting on to a course about managing depression as a long term illness.

As an individual, I'm not technically unhappy. I don't have issues with my appearance, I know myself well and I have social skills (to a degree, I have trouble reading body language sometimes).

A big part of why relationships have been difficult before is because of my mood swings. Pulling in, pushing away. My last relationship, my girlfriend tried to 'fix' me and didn't like that I needed time alone. I found it really hard to deal with to be honest.

I'm not excusing my behaviour, or how I have been with people in the past... I don't hurt people in a nasty way when I'm down and I have a high sex drive and am very playful when I'm happy... It's just that I need to 'manage' my moods like the seasons and this sometimes means withdrawing for a while and looking after myself.

So I'm 28, pretty much in to women exclusively (and biologically female, so I guess some people would assume I identify as 'lesbian' or 'bi'). I know I need to sort my meds out an' stuff, but I would like a girlfriend at some point... However, I feel like I'm always avoiding relationships because I'm worried about hurting people, or burdening them...

So I was just wondering if anybody has advice, or personal stories, or anything like that....

On dating if you have a long term medical condition... On how to disclose this to a partner (and not have them run away) and on how to explain how they feel?

Former Member

I don't have any personal success stories to tell you, but I guess the one thing I just wanted to mention was that I think the most important thing is being self-aware and willing to work on the issues that may occur - and it sounds like you are. As a p.o.v. from the other side, I recently broke up with someone because he wasn't able to acknowledge or face the issues he had. Because of that, it felt like I was hitting a brick wall any time I attempted anything positive, and made what can be difficult but manageable completely impossible. Fortunately, you sound like you have this self-awareness, so I'd say your best bet is to be honest and articulate about what you have to deal with, and then it's up to the partner to decide if they're equipped to deal with it.

Former Member

hey, i guess i got a personal story. my boyfriend could be bipolar, and with everything going on with me i could be suffering from depression. but my boyfriend and me work thro things together. if there is a problem then we tell each other and sort it together. we cant bare to be without each other, but we both know if we want space just say.

maybe... find a person who fully understands your problems and wont run from them. someone who doesnt mind you having space and time alone. maybe wait till your on medication and you feel more confident about everything

hope i helped a bit x
message me if you like x

Former Member

Thanks for responding people.

Feeling more positive now and I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow, so may have a new diagnosis.

I bumped in to some people that I hadn't seen in aaages through queer circles. I remember they were all lovely and open-minded people and I'll hang out with them.

I'm just gonna chill and make new friends and see what happens.

Former Member

I suffer from bouts of depression and I think I always will. I am on and off meds (though should not be doing the off bit) to control my moods when I get very down.

I think the key to succeeding in a relationship is even when at lowest let the other person know (tell them!) they are doing a good job. Even if you dont feel any better. It makes it easier for them to be around you. No one wants to feel they are not helping the person they love.

The other main thing about having mental health issues in a relationship is to find the right person to be with.

I have been in 3 longish term relationships (around a couple of years each) and none of them went very well because as good as we were together, they could not handle my mental illness. Which was a shame because it is as much a part of me as my sense of humor and other things.

Now I am 23 and have been with my current man for over 2 years (living together) and we live very peacefully together. He is the perfect person to be with if suffering a metal illness. Though that does not mean we will be together forever xD

Learning to manage yourself and learning to find the right person for you are very important. But it is doable.

Former Member

Great news you are feeling more positive and hope your psychiatrist appointment went well. Meeting new people is always a good idea

patience wrote: »

I think the key to succeeding in a relationship is even when at lowest let the other person know (tell them!) they are doing a good job. Even if you dont feel any better. It makes it easier for them to be around you. No one wants to feel they are not helping the person they love.

Being honest from the start and telling a potential date your mental health illness can help, but opening up in your own time is also important - see how you feel towards that person while dating and whether you feel comfortable enough to share this with them.

Former Member

I'm in the same position, I experience depression it seems to go up and down I'm going to have to get used to this depression. My first love and I broke up because of the depression I wanted time alone and I was going through a really bad episode but she could not deal with it.