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They've all turned against me :s

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I recently ended it with my boyfriend of about 10 months after he didn't treat me well, that night our really good friend stayed over mine to keep me company, as i wasn't in a good way. We ended up kissing and doing some other things that felt ok at the time, but in the morning we didn't talk so it was obvious we both regretted it. i assumed we would not mention it again.

But this guy actually told his ex (of a few months ago) what happened, and i had no idea, me and her are friends and i saw her later that day but never said anything about the previous night so as not to hurt her feelings, but she already knew. She then got together with another one of my friends who began texting me saying what a bad friend i was, for not being honest, but i just wanted to keep everyone happy.
We all met up the next day as the friend who texted me decided we should have a meeting. i was so exhausted from everything that was going on i was very quiet, even more than usual, and they took that as me not caring. I spoke to the girl on her own and apologised for upsetting her, but she won't take it. The guy won't talk to me as he thinks there's nothing to say. But the guy and the two girls are all good friends again, and with my ex too. So 'im stuck on the sidelines.

My ex also came to mine in the middle of all of this, firstly angry at me, but then so apologetic and we went back to how we were, my friends don't know this, only the fact that we are talking again. but me and him have decided to go on a break and then see what happens. I care about him so much, and he says he really cares about me too, but i've given him a lot of chances before, and i've told him 'im scared about being hurt again. he says this has been a wake up call and he knows he's treated me badly and i had never seen him this upset before.

so basically none of them will talk to me, and i've felt so upset about the whole situation, i'm not very well,finding it hard to sleep and eat, it feels like i've been constantly crying for the last 5 days. my ex has gone away to austrailia for a few weeks, so its a break, that we both need, but now i feel lonely without him.
I don't know whether to try to apologise more (even though i don't know why i have to apologise) we are all single adults, in fact apart from the guys ex who is seeing someone else (hence why i don't know why i should be apologising to her?)

i'm just so confused over the whole situation, I'm sorry if it is hard to understand,i've tried to give as much information as possible without giving personal details. but please ask if you need more information.

What do you think I should do?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey becky and welcome to TheSite :wave:

    I'm really glad you've posted, did it help at all to write it all out? I'm wondering if things feel any clearer now or if anything has happened since you posted?

    It certainly sounds like a confusing situation that you're in right now and there are all sorts of people getting involved when as far as you're concerned you've not actually done anything wrong. As you say, you're all single adults.

    When it comes to exes there can always be some residual baggage that despite new lives being led and new relationships, people can still behave a little irrationally. Exes between friends can often be an unsaid 'no-go' so perhaps it's about talking to your friend to say you'd never intentionally upset anyone and what happened was at a time when you yourself were pretty vulnerable. (Sorry if I've misunderstood the situation at all here.)

    You don't necessarily have to apologise again but perhaps she needs some help understanding why it happened and why you kept it quiet? As you explained, you regretted it and you didn't want to cause any unnecessary upset.

    Ultimately though, only you can decide how much effort you want to put in, especially when you feel you're being made to be the villain unfairly.

    If these are true friends then it may be that things just need a little more time to blow over - at the moment you seem stuck between standing your ground and potentially remaining on the sidelines for a while, or, continuing to apologise when you don't really feel you need to. Either way it seems you are the one that ends up losing out so it's no wonder you're feeling fed up :(

    It might help to take your mind of this for a while, keep busy with other distractions, spend time with other people and stay strong in how you feel about what's happened. From what you've told us you're someone that really cares about your friends. Hopefully they'll come around soon enough but in the mean time be kind to yourself *hug*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello Jo7!

    Sorry for my late reply, Yes It did help to write it down, it helps put things into perspective, but I do rely on other people's opinion quite a lot too, so you repsonse is much appreciated :)

    Since this happened, I spoke again to the girl who organised our meeting and explained why i was quiet and that in the end i didn't understand that in their friendship group they like everyone to be honest even if it is hurtful ( I don't quite understand it ) but at least we are on talking terms, and with the guy we are talking again but not as close as we were, i think we are both embarrassed.. and his ex still won't talk to me. I don't have to see her either so i have made no effort to contact her.

    I have had a lot of support from other friends and have recently made new friends as well.. it's all looking up. Things with me and my ex are very confusing he recently returned from a 3 week holiday and feels like we should try it again.. this might be for another thread but hey there's always something going on it seems :P

    Time is a healer but it's so hard waiting sometimes, just glad I did :) thankyou for your advice *hug*
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