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Being emotionally healthy - self reflection
**helen**
Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
The charity Mind describes someone who is emotionally healthy as being able to:
So, how do you feel you rate on these things?
For each of these examples, tell us about a time when you did something that meant you were able to achieve these things...
Are there some things you find easier than others and what things do you find help you most to achieve these?
- understand and adapt to change
- Cope with stress
- Have a positive self-concept
- Have the ability to love and care for others
- Be able to act independently to meet your own needs
So, how do you feel you rate on these things?
For each of these examples, tell us about a time when you did something that meant you were able to achieve these things...
Are there some things you find easier than others and what things do you find help you most to achieve these?
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Comments
I guess in future I will recognise when I fulfil one of the above and recognise the achievement of doing so...Maybe that will help pick me up.
Hmm "food for thought"...
I need to be back in therapy and have a treatment plan in place for my physical health issues and get some structure which allows for naps and me time once in a while and I think that will help a lot.
That's a positive way of looking at it. I guess part of the point of this thread was to recognise that even when you feel like your emotional wellbeing has gone to pot, there are probably still things you are doing on a regular basis that can help you to pull through and are not only valuable to yourself but also those around you. When thinking about you specifically, WhiteLillies, this one stands out immediately:
You've acted independently to come to these boards and then to go and explore further options. Since you've joined TheSite, you've received positive input from others, but we haven't been there to hold your hand in the 'real world' those next steps have been independent and based on the actions you took in the first place.
Going forwards, having the ability to do this in other areas of your life - when thinking about work choices, practical home issues etc will give you a greater sense of emotional wellbeing. Hope that makes sense!
The two I struggle to identify with are adapting to change and loving others - not sure if that's because of how I'm feeling or because I do actually have a problem; latter I think is related to feeling low.
Good point Indrid
Stress produced by environmental demands is a natural motivator, but it is generally accepted that each of us has a stress curve that has an optimum point re motivation and performance. Once the optimum point is exceeded, so the individual's ability to responds tends to fall off.
The issue of individual perception also makes things more complex. Stress management using cognitive principles aims to modify a person's perception of environmental pressure, or stressors. However, there are going to be limits on how much can be achieved.
What is well known is that having a sense of control over the pressure that causes your stress can help people to tolerate stress.
Learning deep relaxation techniques won't necessarily change the nature of the environmental pressure that causes your stress, but it can help with the perception and processing of such pressure.
Also, people tend to have a base-line of residual stress that rises and falls throughout the day in relation to demands. Ideally, when people relax at the end of the day and get a good nights sleep, their residual stress levels will fall back to where they were the previously. However, if the person suffers high levels of unremitting pressure, then their residual levels of stress may not fall back to the previous baseline during periods of relaxation, and a ratchet effect can set in where their residual level of stress starts to develop a rising baseline. One effect of this is that they hit their optimum stress level point much earlier than previously, and so they are far more likely to exceed it and go into the red zone of dysfunction. Basically, they become increasingly less able to tolerate stress and respond effectively.
Most people will be aware of this loss of tolerance and efficacy, and this will add to the problem.
When this happens the potential for internally generated stress is likely to increase, i.e. people develop anxieties about their ability to cope with pressure and related stress. This sense of constant worry is often exacerbated by feeling out of control of life in general, and of having lost control of one's own emotions.
When you get to this stage you know that your stressometer is well and truly in the red zone.
So like you, I wonder at what point in such a process would Mind suggest that the line has been crossed into being emotionally unhealthy?
To be frank, I think it was very unwise of Mind to produce such a simplistic set of criteria.
While it might seem like a general "pocket guide" to well-being, I think a lot of people are likely to read it and worry even more about their emotional and mental health. One of the effects of stress and depression is that people tend to become self-critical and judgemental about themselves, and I suspect many would be likely to apply Mind's list in a negative way.
Jed
In terms of your overall response, you seem to be coming at this from a very academic standpoint and are perhaps focussing on the issue in a way that limits the value that can be explored through the activity suggested.
This thread is actually about personal sharing rather than debate (we have a separate forum for that
I'm sorry if there's an assumption that people will swallow Mind's suggestions as if they are a catch-all guide. I personally would recognise that lots of people have had exposure to a variety of approaches when considering their mental health which will allow them to see this is just ONE way of perceiving things. The point isn't to create a 'pocket guide' to wellbeing, it's about recognising areas that are worth supporting people to improve, which is what I've bullet pointed. This is also just part of an ongoing conversation we're having across TheSite about emotional wellbeing and my intention wasn't to suggest that this is the end of the line... Other people have the opportunity to put forward different approaches through their own threads that suit their interests and needs.
Maybe you have something to share about your own experience here Jed? Here's a reminder of the specific questions related to the thread:
Reminds me of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs which is the only thing that seemed to make sense to me when studying theory ages ago. http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1366&bih=643&tbm=isch&tbnid=K5toRCKOO_dbpM:&imgrefurl=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs&docid=KIpM-2Cgq3WupM&imgurl=http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/60/Maslow%2527s_Hierarchy_of_Needs.svg/450px-Maslow%2527s_Hierarchy_of_Needs.svg.png&w=450&h=338&ei=eBT8T8qQO8Kn0QWEvaSWBQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=362&vpy=149&dur=2071&hovh=194&hovw=259&tx=163&ty=138&sig=113877988623561093772&page=1&tbnh=138&tbnw=184&start=0&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0,i:76
Sorry! I didn't realise that the thread is an online self-help therapy thing!
There seemed to be a conversation going on about how the statement re coping with stress should be applied - which is what I responded to.
My input is not academic, it's based on helping people with stress management.
I have found that the best way to manage stress (re personal and professional experience) is to use deep relaxation techniques to lower the stress baseline level that I referred to above. And to use cognitive principles to modify perception and processing of stressors. There are various good books on the market for anyone wanting to practice both approaches by way of self-help.
Sorry again for the intrusion - I'll butt out now.
Jed
In English?
Just a friendly reminder that the (target) start age for TheSite is 16 and we hope that people with a wide range of abilities in terms of comprehension will be able to benefit. It's clear you want to help as many people as possible, so just thought worth pointing out.
We really appreciate your Jedi stress management knowledge around these parts, so no need to apologise, again, just thought you might find it helpful to have the chance to broaden understanding on the dynamics of the community.:)
I used to be terrible at coping with stress, espeically when I had a lot of work etc. to do, but now I live on the list attitude, whenever I feel like I have too much to do, I stick it all on a list, order them on importance and then cross them off when they're done. Usually helps to make the work seem like less.
Nina x
On self reflection - I can definitely recognise that there are things on that list that I'm a lot less good at when I'm having a bad time. Or possibly it's dealing with things on that list badly that makes me feel worse. Not quite sure where the line is.
Sometimes it's the really simple things that make a difference, and seeing a list like that has made me think twice about how I respond to things. Some thoughts below:
When everything is going well, I can happily juggle a hundred and one things all with moving goal posts. At other times, my world will fall apart at even a small change. In my world I think it ties in very closely with the first one. Again, this one swings all over the place. My opinion of myself is pretty independant. and I feel like I can generally see what's good and what's not when I content overall. If I'm not, then I'll put myself down over everything. Is this the same as putting on a shell to support others? And hiding your real self from them? I'm not too sure. I can definitely do the caring for others, sometimes I wonder if that's through love or through duty. I'll keep this one in mind. To me at the moment it's potentially going to be the one that keeps the others OK for the coming week. Just on a really simple basis, work is likely to be all over the place, and stressful, with having to deal with challenging people potentially putting down my inputs/opinions. Yet I know full well that if I 'act independantly to meet my own needs' and force some gym time and sufficient sleep to keep functioning well into the day then the rest will hold together for a lot longer.
Well, I don't feel like I need to give examples for my own personal validation, but it may be useful / interesting to others so here goes:
Understand and adapt to change.
In the past 7 years my life has changed dramatically. My father died, my mum was unwell and I went from a typical teen whose parents do most of the heavy lifting, to semi-independent. By this I mean, I lived in the same house, and had all the utilities taken care of, but a lot of my personal needs - cooking, cleaning, clothes washing, etc. were largely undertaken by me. Then I went to University, and that was an experience in itself, more of the same in terms of independence, but I had to change and make much more of an effort to 'experience' life, make friends and so on, which really diminished the 'shyness' I struggled with when I first joined the forums. Through University I struggled with stress, and mental health 'breakdowns' as a result of that stress. But I got through it, mainly through some kind of will or strength I didn't know I had. I just obsessed over completing my degree. I did it. Then for the last 18 months I've moved around; having no permanent home to live, staying with a friend and then eventually finding a job and moving 250 miles for it. I know nobody here, but I'm coping.
Cope with stress
This is a tricky one for me. I always traditionally coped with stress in two ways; avoidance and detachment. I would avoid the stress, by not thinking about it or doing other things. I would detatch myself from the stress, by convincing myself that what I was stressing about, wasn't that important anyway. I had an extremely unhealthy attitude towards stress, because both of these behaviours actually only increase the stress you experience in the long run. It's still something that I struggle with, but I'm getting there. I make a lot of lists now. On pen and paper; it feels better than doing it electronically, having something tangible in ink written by my hand - I can't pretend it's not there. Just make lists, everything that stresses you goes in a list, and then you work through that list and get a nice red pen to strike everything off when it's dealt with for today. It's an ongoing thing though; there is no magic pill for stress. It's a natural part of being human, and even people in their 60s and 70s with masses of life experience will get stressed over things.
Have a positive self-concept
I generally swing between self-loathing and narcissism, so I'm not sure where this puts me. But on the whole I am happy with who I am, I just struggle sometimes. But who doesn't? It doesn't take me long to just look myself in the mirror, and remind myself of what I've managed to achieve and how hard I am able to push myself when I need to. I don't need other people's validation for that, and I know I float under most people's radars. But I know that I'm strongly competent and able, I believe that I will go on to be successful, and I'm happy with who I am.
Have the ability to love and care for others
Generally I attach myself too much to certain people. Anyone who I sincerely feel needs someone, I can be a bit of a sucker for. It's landed me in hot water once or twice, and I've been taken advantage of because of more than once. But, I can't change who I am. I blame Star Wars, or some other such untowards influence, in giving me some kind of false belief that I can make a difference
Be able to act independently to meet your own needs
I'm not perfect; nobody is. But I think I am pretty able to get stuff done on my own. It was a few years ago, after my dad had passed away, and I was having mechanical trouble with my motorbike. I was just 18. I had no friends who knew anything about mechanics, no anyone or anything. So I bought a haynes manual. I sat down and studied it. I fixed the motorbike, by myself. It doesn't make me a genius, but if I need to get something done, then I will get it done.