The "Ex" Factor

Former Member

Is it okay to feel bad that your ex is happy with her current partner. The fact that someone else makes her happy, her laugh. Its kind of painful for me maybe, because I don't want her to feel like that with someone else. I'm scared that she may fall for that person and forget me,my love and all the time that we spent together. This thought scares me and makes me miserable because I feel kind of selfish too who expects her ex to be miserable so, she remembers me. What do I do?

Former Member

There is certainly nothing wrong with feeling that way. I am experiencing something similar.

It's all good, just as long as you realise there is an element of selfishness about it however when you're trying to get over a split (regardless of fault) then you do need some 'me' time. In the same way she may also require 'she' time which could involve a new partner. It is not a nice feeling, make no mistake. You are not alone in feeling that way.

The only time it becomes unacceptable is if your behaviour deliberately affects their relationship. If you were able to say to her that you're happy she has found contentment then that's cool (although I'm guessing you'd find that almost impossible) but do not do or say anything that could cause problems for them. It might make you feel better in the short-term if it causes friction between them but your feeling of hurt will return and won't go away for a very long time, if ever.

Don't list to anyone who gives you the "Don't worry, you'll meet someone one day" crap. How the hell is that supposed to help you *now*?

I don't know you so I can't be more specific with this but all I can suggest is the only way is to just somehow ride it out. That feeling you've got of "How the hell am I going to get through this?" and "what is she doing with him right now?" will buzz around your head for a long time. Distraction is the only way, in my opinion.

Good luck.