Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options

Should being a loner be acceptable?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So I've got to this point in my life and I've kinda realised that the friends thing just aint happening. I'm a friendly guy and if you met me you would probably think so and nothing I would do would offend you. But all of my 'friends' who I know live a long way away from me now and have their own busy lifestyles that prevent them from visiting me.

So instead of torturing myself all the time about what a sad, pathetic loser I am for not being able to make a single notable friend in a year, how about instead I just enjoy life? I dunno, I feel this pressure to 'try' to make friends continually often imposed by myself, and it's not really happening :s plenty of people I know who I can be friendly with... but not really any good friends.

Is there a point where you just accept that you have a certain loner kind of personality and instead of feeling bad for not being a social sam, just accept it? I dunno. Growing up I never felt as bad about it because I had 3 siblings in my house, now it's just me on my own (housemates aren't very sociable).

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    So I've got to this point in my life and I've kinda realised that the friends thing just aint happening. I'm a friendly guy and if you met me you would probably think so and nothing I would do would offend you. But all of my 'friends' who I know live a long way away from me now and have their own busy lifestyles that prevent them from visiting me.

    So instead of torturing myself all the time about what a sad, pathetic loser I am for not being able to make a single notable friend in a year, how about instead I just enjoy life? I dunno, I feel this pressure to 'try' to make friends continually often imposed by myself, and it's not really happening :s plenty of people I know who I can be friendly with... but not really any good friends.

    Is there a point where you just accept that you have a certain loner kind of personality and instead of feeling bad for not being a social sam, just accept it? I dunno. Growing up I never felt as bad about it because I had 3 siblings in my house, now it's just me on my own (housemates aren't very sociable).

    Firstly you are not sad or pathetic or a loser for that matter.
    I think in life we all make several acquaintances. True friends are hard to come by in my opinion.
    It shouldn't be the case that you change yourself to make friends either.
  • Options
    Starry nightStarry night Posts: 674 Incredible Poster
    Nothing wrong with liking your own company. Better than the majority of peoples. I have my close friends but do my own thing too.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    So I've got to this point in my life and I've kinda realised that the friends thing just aint happening. I'm a friendly guy and if you met me you would probably think so and nothing I would do would offend you. But all of my 'friends' who I know live a long way away from me now and have their own busy lifestyles that prevent them from visiting me.

    So instead of torturing myself all the time about what a sad, pathetic loser I am for not being able to make a single notable friend in a year, how about instead I just enjoy life? I dunno, I feel this pressure to 'try' to make friends continually often imposed by myself, and it's not really happening :s plenty of people I know who I can be friendly with... but not really any good friends.

    Is there a point where you just accept that you have a certain loner kind of personality and instead of feeling bad for not being a social sam, just accept it? I dunno. Growing up I never felt as bad about it because I had 3 siblings in my house, now it's just me on my own (housemates aren't very sociable).

    "Social Sam" v "Loner"

    Why should you have to be pigeonholed into either category.

    Who wants to live in a pigeonhole?

    Other than pigeons maybe.

    Jed
    :)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hahahaha :).

    I'm not too fond of pigeons, I'm an owl person myself.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some people in life prefer the own company. Nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is this massive expectation that we should all have hundreds of friends and go out partying every night.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Close friends are few and far between, it's a case of understanding the value of acquaintances. There are people I enjoy a natter and a pint with and others who I'm more attached to. That's life. Talking shit with a stranger you'll never meet again is underrated.

    But I'm not sure what you man by acceptable. I enjoy going out to the pub by myself; with a toddler at home I'm glad of the peace. I accept this as quality time with myself, and because of that I don't usually care if others judge me for it. Their problem not mine. I occasionally get a comment but why should I care? If they were having such a good time they wouldn't notice me.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nothing wrong with being a loner if you're a loner by nature but a bad state if you're a loner through circumstance. There's only maybe a few people these days I can really be bothered to socialise with so I'd have to say i'm inclined that way by nature myself, otherwise its pretty much forced interaction through work...and something i've noticed is how central a lot of people's work is to their social life, and that includes the socially adequate. You'd be surprised at the numbers of people lonely as fuck and desperate to make friends, just take a look at drunk people without inhibition, loneliness is cultural problem in our society because so many people no longer have any sense of community.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think there's a significant difference between being 'alone', and being 'lonely'.

    The first is a social state, the latter is a state of mind.

    Jed
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Close friends are few and far between, it's a case of understanding the value of acquaintances. There are people I enjoy a natter and a pint with and others who I'm more attached to. That's life. Talking shit with a stranger you'll never meet again is underrated.

    But I'm not sure what you man by acceptable. I enjoy going out to the pub by myself; with a toddler at home I'm glad of the peace. I accept this as quality time with myself, and because of that I don't usually care if others judge me for it. Their problem not mine. I occasionally get a comment but why should I care? If they were having such a good time they wouldn't notice me.

    I have no problem finding casual acquaintences but it doesn't scratch my itch. I mean mainly I just wanted a mate who could come round when the football was on and crack a beer open with and laugh at how little I know about football. Or any other irrelevent social activity for the purpose of pleasant company. A dutch friend said there's a word for it in dutch... but it doesn't translate over well. Somewhere between 'relaxed' and 'content' in a social setting. Just nice.

    But casual acquaintences aren't difficult to find, but I don't feel any attachment there or whatever, just throw a friendly smile and that's it...
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Spliffie wrote: »
    Nothing wrong with being a loner if you're a loner by nature but a bad state if you're a loner through circumstance. There's only maybe a few people these days I can really be bothered to socialise with so I'd have to say i'm inclined that way by nature myself, otherwise its pretty much forced interaction through work...and something i've noticed is how central a lot of people's work is to their social life, and that includes the socially adequate. You'd be surprised at the numbers of people lonely as fuck and desperate to make friends, just take a look at drunk people without inhibition, loneliness is cultural problem in our society because so many people no longer have any sense of community.

    It's almost like you read my mind completely. I feel like this absolutely. I just don't tend to do the going out and getting drunk thing... I only tend to like going out clubbing if I've got friends to go with first. Catch 22 hah.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    It's almost like you read my mind completely. I feel like this absolutely. I just don't tend to do the going out and getting drunk thing... I only tend to like going out clubbing if I've got friends to go with first. Catch 22 hah.

    Haha, well I do consider myself a born psychologist & unriddler of the human soul.

    Catch 22 it may be to an extent, but then again if you forced yourself to go out to make friends I reckon there's a distinct possibility you'd find yourself presented with the Catch 22 to beat all those before: the lonely types showing all the signs of craving what you crave are mostly completely unappealing unless you both happen to hit it off unusually well. seeing something in someone that you see in yourself and dislike in yourself, especially some form of weakness or neediness, is otherwise rarely if ever going to lead to anything other than the sort of disgust you hold for someone you dislike or despise but can't help pity in equal measure.

    I'd seriously suggest finding more sociable work where you can get to know people about your own age over a long period without seeking anything, people who are on your wavelength will be revealed in time and having been thrown together by circumstance for a period of time you won't have to force a connection. I'm indifferent at best to most people when we first meet but when you're thrown together with a group of people from your own generation who you see and converse with day-to-day it's really pretty hard not to end up spending time outside work socially with a lot of them. I look at FB sometimes and wonder what many of these people would do socially if it wasn't for their employment...posting on thesite perhaps! ;)
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I depends on the situation. Sometimes, it helped to be alone as when you need time and space to think and decide. But, not all the time. "No man is an island"
Sign In or Register to comment.