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Virginity

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I lost my virginity durring a hookup.
A barley knew the guy.
But he moved the day after to another state, and now I have these wierd confused feelings that i've never had before, and I don't know what to do about them.
He says he wants me to be safe, and he's worried about me, but I think it's just his guilt overwhealming him.
I haven't even been able to cry about this whole incident yet.
I know I need to, but for some reason I just can't seem to cry.
and i've been cutting alot to help myself forget the pain.
I feel so alone, and unwanted.

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    did you feel alone and unwanted before the hookup? What kind of pain are you actually talking about? What is the issue at hand? Why would he feel guilty?

    I think you are taking this a bit too seriously. I know, losing one's virginity might be a big deal, but you knew where you were going into: having a hook up with someone you hardly know. You won't have any other option than to get over it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wow that was kinda mean.
    not gonna lie.
    I didn't know what i was getting into
    because i went into it thinking maybe i would just give him a blow job or hj
    i'm too self concious of myself so i never thought it would happen, but then it did.
    but whatever obviously i just shouldn't talk anymore
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ur mean! read my above post
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    *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hey SabrinaClaireG and welcome to TheSite :wave:

    I'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough time. *hug* Losing your virginity is a big deal for most people, and when it doesn't happen exactly how you imagined it can be a real disappointment. Can I ask what is it about the situation that has made you so upset? Was it just that you didn't know them? Or felt pressured? Or just that sex didn't live up to the expectation?

    We have an article here on TheSite called regret losing your virginity that helps with some of the hangups people can get afterwards. It's worth a read. Unfortunately you can't go back in time and change things, but you can look at what happened, why it upset you, and try and protect yourself from it happening again. It sounds like you were a little unsure of your boundaries, this article called How to say no to sex may help in the future.

    Have you spoken to anyone about what's happened? Maybe a friend? TheSite boards are always here as well of course. :) And, also, are you getting any help for your cutting? We have a section of TheSite dedicated to self-harm which may be worth having a look at. And also you can post about this in the health and wellbeing board where you'll find others who have had similar experiences.

    Let us know how you're getting on.

    Big hugs

    Holly
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Strubbles wasn't being mean, he was just giving it to you quite straight without getting sympathetic, you can't undo the past and cutting yourself will do nothing to change what happened.
    If you regret the decision you made to sleep with the guy (and yes, it was your decision) then you just have to work yourself through that regret and not let it drive you crazy.

    The last thing you should do when trying to open up and work through these issues is get defensive about it when people give advice instead of sympathy, because advice will get you a lot further.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I'm going to come in and agree. Sorry you had sex when you weren't ready, but now you have to move on. To give constructive advice StrubbleS asked for some more information, instead of that you had a bit of a girly fit.
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    As I said to StrubbleS via PM, if you want to give people straight talking advice, then let go of the judgements and assumptions or that's all that someone is going to focus on - if there's some decent advice in there, then it's hidden by a distinct lack of empathy for someone who is feeling reallllllly low.

    Cut the girl some slack you meanies (yes you are).
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster

    The last thing you should do when trying to open up and work through these issues is get defensive about it when people give advice instead of sympathy, because advice will get you a lot further.

    Yes, but advice without sympathy or empathy is like chocolate without cocoa - it doesn't hit the spot.
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    did you feel alone and unwanted before the hookup? What kind of pain are you actually talking about? What is the issue at hand? Why would he feel guilty?

    To get this thread back on track, let's remember the actual questions, they were good - Sabrina, if you feel able to answer these then it probably will help.
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