Make him happy or make me?

Former Member

Do I carry on with me boyfriend or not
It makes him happy but not me!
Any advice I would be grateful of

Former Member

No

Former Member

If you're not happy in the relationship then do whatever WILL make you happy.

Former Member

Its not that I dont feel the relationship doesnt work, but aspects of it sometimes give me doubts.
More the sexual side of things

*Holly*

Hey LauraaLou :wave:

Is it just the sexual side of your relationship that you're unhappy with? And, if so, what is it that's bothering you? Sex can sometimes take a bit - or a lot - of work but we have loads of advice on all sorts of sex-related issues in our having sex section of TheSite.

Or is it the whole relationship you want out of? Do you love him? Does he make you happy? It's usually always better in the long run if you end a relationship you're not happy with...even though you don't want to hurt them. It frees you both up to find other people, as you both deserve to be in mutually loving relationships.

Feel free to keep posting.

Holly

Former Member

I just feel as if nothing I say every matters, everything always seems to be what he wants or the way he wants things to be done. The whole relationship is sort of like this but more the sexual side of things that bother me more.

I'm a self-harmer and its been getting worse because of how I feel, and I feel by doing it is the only way I can cope.

LauraaLou x

*Holly*

Hey LauraaLou

Sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time.*hug* Have you ever got help for your self-harm before or told anyone? Relapsing is very common part of recovery, so don’t feel as though you’ve taken a step back. Though it’s useful to try and identify what may be causing you to do this again.

As for things with your boyfriend, do you mind being more specific about what’s going on with him that makes you feel this way? You say it’s more the sexual side of things that’s bothering you, are you able to talk to him about this? And are you able to talk to him about the other things you’re going through?

Former Member

Hi Holly

Thanks for replying.
Yes I was sectioned 3 years ago because of it and the danger to myself. Its not as bad as then but its starting again. I feel like a failure for it, Im going back to the old me, someone I dont want to be.
I know what it is that is making me do this, but its really hard to stop/get out of.

He gets funny when I talk to him about things, he says he hasnt got time to listen. Just basically he is more comfortable with the sex and wants it more all the time.

LauraaLou x

*Holly*

Hey LauraaLou

You say you know what it causing you to feel this way but you're finding it hard to stop? Is there anyone you can talk to about this? Are you receiving any help for this relapse? Like your GP? Or a community health worker? Relapsing is a common part of recovery so try not to beat yourself up too much. It's great that you've found TheSite - there will always be someone here either on the boards, on chat, or via our AskTheSite service to talk things through without judgement. You're never alone.

As for issues with your boyfriend, it's understandable that you're upset by his behaviour. It's worth remembering that if you're ever in a situation where you feel someone is making unfair demands on you, you do have a choice about whether to stay in that relationship or not. I'm not saying you should definitely leave your boyfriend, or definitely stay with him, and perhaps learning how to communicate better can help - but remember you have the right to feel happy and good about yourself no matter what you do.

Let us know how you're getting on. TheSite is always here.

Holly