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buying drinks...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey....

please do feel free to move this if its not in the right place :)

So..this is going to to sound very silly and naive but anyway.:blush:

My parents have gone away on a short holiday this week and i have the house to myself etc. its great.

I have known i would be in on my own for quite some time, and due to the bank holiday (yay) havent been to work today or tomorrow. I have a really nice, supportive male colleague who i work very closely with and who has become a good friend over the time ive been there - we happen to share similar views on stuff, sense of humour.

To try and get to the point he said to me oh we'll meet up and do something so your not on your own etc. So the other day we met up, went to see a film, then went and sat in the pub for the rest of the evening. It was good company and I really enjoyed myself. Its just a friendly meet up, an excuse to get out the house.

And i thought to myself before i went, 'i kind of hope he doesnt offer to buy me a drink' simply because for some silly reason ive always found it quite awkward when people say that and ive never understood why. I always feel obliged to buy the person a drink back, or at least give them the money. so we get in the pub, and he ordered, then he asked me what i was having so i said, and then i said you sure, and he said yeah no worries. he bought several rounds and i eventually managed to buy one back for him on the basis that i need change.

I dont really do anything like that very often ie buying rounds in turn and of course i know its the done thing but i hope i have'nt made a major mistake anywhere??? noones ever really told me what to do when a guy says can i buy you a drink? am i just suppoed to accept and offer later on? but then ive always thought, why is it a problem when women have money and they can offer too?

thanks in advance for any advice

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its just being nice and if he bought u on and its nice to buy him one.

    its natraul.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Enjoy the free drinks! don't get too caught up about it. its him being kind. if you want to get him one back in return go for it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks for your thoughts.

    i guess its him being kind as you say as many people would be , and I guess doing what the man does in a way. i do feel better that i bought him one. so he didnt think i was taking advantage or anything(!)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Always accept the drink from a guy. It can be quite offensive when you say 'no thanks ill get my own' as he's just trying to do something nice for you. If it bothers you that much buy him a drink the next time.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    true: is accepting several times over considered normal?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If it was a problem then he wouldn't have offered you all the drinks!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    true: is accepting several times over considered normal?

    As long as he offers. Some guys will try to "buy" you with drinks, i.e. assume you will be going home with them later. If you are not comfortable with accepting so many drinks, tell him you will get the next round, so you remain at least close to even. But like others said, as long as he is offering, you do nothing wrong by accepting.

    It is nice tho, that you are making yourself thoughts about this matter. There are too many girls who outright expect/demand a guy to pay for everything on a date.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Good point there StrubbleS...

    Alcohol tends to have a disinhibiting effect, which can cause people to do things they wouldn’t normally do, such as being less resistant to having sex.

    Some guys use this as a strategy to get girls into bed.

    Also, buying lots of drinks can sometimes make people feel 'indebted', and so they might find it harder to say 'no' to amorous advances.

    So whereas it might be polite to accept the offer of a drink, don’t worry about saying no if you suspect you are being plied with alcohol for the benefit of the buyer.

    And in circumstances where you don’t know the person that well, it will probably be a good idea to switch to non-alcoholic drinks well before you reach a stage where it might go to your head. The effects of alcohol often don’t fully kick in until you hit the fresh air on the way home.

    People of both sexes often get drawn into buying more drinks than they can really afford, or handle, by getting caught up in buying rounds, so never be shy about saying: “not for me thanks!” … or: “just the one then!” Buy your round by all means, but only if it suits you to do so. You can always say: "It's my round next time we go out!" ... which should defuse any risk of the person feeling rejected.

    Alcohol and peer pressure can be a powerful combination that leads people to take risks and get into trouble when normally they would know better.

    Jed
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If someone offers there's nothing wring with taking the offer up.

    I wouldn't be as cynical as Jedimaster- most people want to impress not drink someone into bed- but I have a sneaky feeling this guy wants to be more than friends. If you don't you might want to consider how you let him buy things.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    u welcome anytime :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If someone offers there's nothing wring with taking the offer up.

    I wouldn't be as cynical as Jedimaster- most people want to impress not drink someone into bed- but I have a sneaky feeling this guy wants to be more than friends. If you don't you might want to consider how you let him buy things.



    Being careful about how much you drink when out with someone for the first time is not about cynicism, it's about using common-sense.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thank you all so much for your responses. they much appreciated and have really helped me to put things in perspective.

    *MASSIVE APOLOGIES* however, as I should have stated in the original post that I was not actually drinking alcohol that day, for reasons that are irrelevent. So as Strubbles and Jedimaster so rightly pointed out, I guess it could have all been interpreted quite differently if alcohol had been involved, and thats also something that I'm sure all of us here are all aware of.

    I suppose what comes out of it for me is that whether its alcoholic or not, is it the norm to be bought a drink by a male friend and colleague and to identify the reasons why i feel uncomfortable about it.

    As Artic roll says - i do wonder some of the time if there is something more between us, but at this point we are such good friends id hate to do anything to jeopardise that. I dont think i misinterpreted anything.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I suppose what comes out of it for me is that whether its alcoholic or not, is it the norm to be bought a drink by a male friend and colleague
    If I am out with a friend and they aren't drinking alcohol I'll buy most of the rounds (as their drinks will be less expensive). If they are drinking I try to just take it in turns. Gender doesn't come into it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    krng wrote: »
    If I am out with a friend and they aren't drinking alcohol I'll buy most of the rounds (as their drinks will be less expensive). If they are drinking I try to just take it in turns. Gender doesn't come into it.

    thanks so much for your response. that is very true. proof that men and women can have purely platonic relationships.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    soo..a further thought: (maybe going off track slightly) but do people find that this applies to food also? another thing im never quite sure of...with that ive always gone by if you invite someone out to eat, then you're paying. but again if its just friendly with a colleague...?? split it - but not neccessarily in my experience.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    another thing im never quite sure of...with that ive always gone by if you invite someone out to eat, then you're paying. but again if its just friendly with a colleague...?? split it - but not neccessarily in my experience.
    I wouldn't pay for a friends meal generally, I'd expect the costs to be roughly split. If they are quite a close friend (or partner for that matter) and we have meals out regularly then we might take it in turns more or less. There might be one off exceptions to this (say, a birthday, someone is particularly short of money), but generally I wouldn't want a friendship to be financially unbalanced.

    I know you said that men and women can be platonic friends, and I agree. However if he's often suggesting that you go out for drinks and food, and always insists on paying, then I would say the chances are he thinks you are going on a date with view to forming a relationship (depending on his age and or relationship status, if he's much older and/or he's with someone else then he might be just after a bit of fun).
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