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As for your question in your other thread about what else a doc can do apart from medication, they may be able to provide advice on other support you can get, or even go so far as to sign you off work if that's a necessary option.
The first part was easy...write a letter to my Dad telling him what I would if he was here....I've done that.
The second bit isn't so easy...I need to write down how I feel...that's easy if I do it in the same way I talk about things in counselling...objectively...but that isn't helping...I need to be subjective...I don't know where to begin!?! I guess I don't know how to explain that I don't know how I feel because I am never feeling the same thing all the time...the other issue is, I don't know how to be subjective because as soon as I start to focus on how I feel and why I switch back to being emotionally detached again. I've tried writing it as if I am posting on here but I still can't do it!?!
Any ideas/help would be appreciated????
How about starting by going through some of the posts you've made on here and pulling those together - you've put up a fair few things about how you feel (or don't feel, which is also kind of a feeling) so it's not as out of reach as you might currently be thinking.
The not feeling the same the whole time thing is completely understandable. If you take the focus away from the quality of what you're writing and think about it more like a diary type thing that might help. So when you're angry, put that down with a date/time against it and any thoughts you've got to go with that; when you're feeling good because you've achieved something at work, or been nice and let someone out in the traffic put that down. Doing it in nice small chunks might make it easier to tackle.
I went through the posts on here, then reflected on where I am in comparison to the frame of mind I was in when I wrote them...especially as a lot of the stuff I've posted, I've already covered with her...
I think adding to it as and when I feel something is a good idea...I guess trying to write it in one go isn't the best way.
As for the quality...I'm not so sure I'll read it once I've written it so I'm just going to hope for the best :thumb:
Thanks guys x :d
I will make sure in the 2nd part that I get across how there is so much more I want to talk about but don't know how...I have mentioned a lot about knowing I need to talk about things but not wanting to break down that "emotional barrier" thats kept me going up until now...
I guess I was going to explain to her that I had written down things I wanted to say but didn't know how to say them face to face...?
Sometimes it's a lot easier to write things with some kind of purpose/direction rather than as just a brain slurge. I go through lurches of writing 'not suitable for facebook' statuses which I keep in a file. I find it helps me get my thoughts in line, but I'd really struggle with any kind of diary.
What she said. It's hilarious! Where do you find these genius creations?!
I have tried diary writing/blogging but I just can't do it either...I guess what I've written is exactly like facebook status' I could never post! I feel more comfortable knowing that she will have a better insight into how I feel without me having to say it and then maybe she will be better able to help me in terms of the questions she asks to make me talk...or maybe that's wishful thinking?? I don't want to try and second guess her but I get the impression she asked me to do it to see if I would be more open when I write and then she might understand a bit more of what's going on inside my head and what I'm not saying in sessions??
When I was struggling I could smile and tell the world I was fine, or come up with the easy expected slightly sad stories whilst still keeping up my protective shell. Anyone who asked questions would get that version of me, but the scribbled 'statuses' or texts I never sent would be far closer to the truth. (Actually - I still have bad patches so the above is all still true)
I've been away so havent had the net to check here much, so thought I'd pop back and see how you're doing. From the sounds of these posts, you're keeping on with things. Hope it's still going as well as possible?
Fiend mentioned you were on holiday...did you have a good time?
I'm not doing so well this week Can't get a grip...can't stop crying over little things. I'm just a bit of a mess Sorry...know I'm rubbish...know I need to sort myself out. I am trying...really trying...just not doing so well at achieving it.
Hope you are well?
You're allowed to not have a grip all the time. I think i'd go crazy if i didn't allow myself a bit of downtime when I wasn't fully on top of everything. You're not rubbish in any way, shape or form- you're trying and that's the most anyone can ask of you. It is not ever going to be an instant, easy fix, but it is worth putting the effort in and going through the turmoil.
I don't want to go through it anymore I've had enough now. I'm tired of trying when I feel like I'm only just keeping my head above water. I want someone to take this away...just for a little while...just so I can remember what it feels like to be genuinely happy again...what it feels like to be normal. I feel like I'm right back to square one. I can't cope with all the manics ups and downs.
I don't deserve to grieve...it's all my fault.
Sorry...
It isn't your fault. It isn't. I know that it's so incredibly difficult for you to manage, even to function just now, but you had absolutely no bearing upon what has happened, it isn't your fault WhiteLillies. Please? You should be so proud of yourself for doing what you've done so far, you're an incredible, loving person and you just don't deserve your pain. Is there anything that you could do to distract yourself? Is there anybody you could speak to just now?
I don't feel that proud...I feel like a failure...and I really hate myself at the moment. All my compassion and empathy and tolerance for others is just non-existent...I'm so selfish.
I've been reading...always a method of escapism for me and looking for a new job...mine is really stressing me out...and walking into the same place I got told...day in, day out...its really not doing me any favours.
No-not really...I don't feel in control or understand the way I feel so I very much doubt anyone else would and I don't want to freak them out.