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parent that will not let go

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i don't know what to do i moved into a apartment with my fiance earlier this year and my dad has not stopped bugging me since he wants us to live with him to help with bills and stuff. that's fine but my lease don't end til this time next year plus im going to school and i need fast internet which he cant get there. im so stress with work school bills i really don't need his stuff. i understand he doesn't want to lose me but the way he is treating me wants me to move far away. iv tried talking to him he just don't get it. what do i say or do to make him understand im trying just has hard if now harder to get by than he is. and im stuck i have to stay here for now. he is making me so depressed i don't know what to do. i just want to start my life already. :banghead:


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    *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hi jumpingstar21

    You're entitled to your own life and it's understandable why you're feeling so under pressure.

    Have you read our TheSite article called 'when parents won't let go'? There's lots of useful advice in there for exactly this type of situation. It's a common thing parents go through when you fly the nest, but hopefully you'll be able to navigate things with your dad and find a method that suits both of you.

    As for stress about schoolwork and household bills, these pieces should give you some info so you're not worrying about those on top of this dad thing.

    Hope that helps. Feel free to keep posting whenever you need to vent.

    Big hug *hug*

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    if I may be so bold and PLEASE don't take offense.

    I have a 17 yr old daughter......my only lil Angel. So here it is in a nutshell and I will forever more leave you alone UNLESS you desire more of an "ear".

    Dad's will come up with ANY excuse to keep their little baby, and you will always be his baby, close. You see, most daughters relate BETTER to Dad's the Mom's. I say most......not all. When you look into those eyes and you get the very first smile from them (I'm thinking about 1-2 wks from birth in my case) you are hooked for life. I will always be not only a Dad, but a best friend to mine. If you offered me a 100 more like her I'd take it in a second!!

    To avoid a long-winded reply, I will suggest the following and take it or not, I wish you all the best.

    Give Dad some slack. He raised you for how many years? Just possibly he deserves 1-2 years to adjust? Hey....I've been away from mine (lives with Mom.....separated) for almost 2 yrs now. Not a minute goes by I don't think what my Angel is up to. I'm not sure that will EVER go away.

    I'm a 49 year old goat and, excuse me for saying so, pretty mature and have learned the hard way. I also pushed for more contact. I also said things hurtful to my kid that I can NEVER take back.

    But here's the difference. Danielle, my daughter, is mature waaaay beyond her years. After I chilled and finally accepted the fact she is almost at your age and will be on her own soon enough, and thus mellowed towards her, a very interesting thing happened (she was still 16 then). Know what she said? Blows me away to this day that ANYBODY that age can think on that wave length.

    She said: "Dad, you've always been there for me through thick and thin. You always said NEVER to hide your emotions, NEVER worry about getting hurt, NEVER worry about what others think and always, always be open-minded. Therefore, what kind of daughter would I be if I turned my back on you when times are rough" (cuz she NEVER back talked me.....just took it all). And she ended with: "Dad, Mom screwed you over. You lost 1/2 of your life....more because you lost most of me due to distance. Well Dad, it's MY turn to help you".

    That was it. Short an sweet...just like her.

    I cry now just typing it as I get emotional at times. Sorry.

    Anyhow, always remember he loves you. And even though you are dealing with this BS, understand one thing: the only one that can give you serenity is................................................................................................................................


    It is hoped this did not sound condescending, patronizing (well maybe a teeny bit....lol) or like a know it all cuz I am FAR from that. Maybe 5 life times from now. My intention here is only to help and give you a bit of an understanding of what us Dad's go through.

    Cut him some slack and I guarantee, providing your Dad has integrity, that you will become closer to him then ever. Patience my dear. You have a long wonderful life ahead. Don't look back. Don't think ahead to tomorrow BECAUSE, and think about this one, it NEVER comes.

    God Bless and GOOD LUCK!!
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