Need to stop being generous with my money..

Former Member

Hey guys.

So I have this problem, whereby whenever my family ask me for a 'quick loan' to sort something out, I sort it out. Or where if I'm getting a takeaway with friends, I end up paying. I can't really fault other people for that, it's my own doing.

I just need to stop it though, because I think people do take advantage of that, they don't 'get the next one' or 'pay me back when they get their money'. It's a bad habit that has led me to quite a sizeable negative bank balance (well, along with car repairs and rent deposit!).

My friends still joke with me that I'm 'loaded' because I have a larger salary than them.

I really needed to just write this down because I'm quite annoyed at myself for letting it go this far. It's happened before too, and I was super careful about money and managed to get back to a decent level. But I forgot how easily people will accept your generosity with empty words of promise to return the favour.

Silly ShyBoy.

Former Member

You need to be "NO" man. I have a similar thing, when I'm flush I'm generous. But you can't let them take advantage. Start saying no right away, let them persuade you to make the loan or the treat.

Former Member

Yea saying no is an important skill to learn... the problem is that I never think of the 'grand overview', its always a situational thing and in that tiny situation my default is 'I trust you' and 'its alright'. I need to shift that to 'I don't trust you [unless...]' and 'its not ok [unless...]'. Kinda shitty but that's what people even friends and family are like I guess.

Former Member

I went through a similar thing. I think with things like takeaways or maybe drinks, as your generosity is taken in a fairly light-hearted way, your 'reprimand' or 'hint' should be said in a light-hearted way. E.g. 'your round!' or 'you owe me a pizza! ho ho ho'. They may not exactly physically buy you the next takeaway but I think the hint is enough that you've noticed the pattern of you paying occuring.

As for people asking for money especially family, it's hard but 'I'm skint, sorry' really can't be argued with nowadays because everyone is suffering hardship. If people feel that because you earn more than them that you are better off financially then that's their inane jealousies. You don't have to excuse yourself for not being an automatic cash machine.