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Perfect to poof.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well this is how it happened... How my life got turned upside down.
Sorry for being so long.

8 months ago, i met this amazing girl. I was staying with a friend, at his flat. And I got a phone call from another friend. Asking if he, and another mate could stay, as they got kicked out of a house party. Invited em round, and said they could crash. Although there was a third person with them, who i'd like only met once. And yeah, me and her, got real close, kissed and fell asleep together. And the next day, she stayed for a while, then went home. But her mum kicked her out, for one reason or another. So invited her to stay, for a couple nights until she could find somewhere to live or go home.
But she never left, and we fell so in love. Moved into our own flat in december, just after christmas. And for months, even though we never had money, and benefits etc never got paid, and jobs we're far and few. We were very close, and didn't care about the money, as long as everything was paid for, although i paid for the best part of everything, i didn't care as it was what we both wanted.
We rarely argued and if we did it was about silly things, nothing much too bad and we always made up in very little time at all. We were both surprising faithful, in this day and age, I've never met someone who hated sluts, and was honest and faithful completely.
And i've gotta say, that these 8 months have been the greatest in my life, i've been through some tough shit in my life, was diagnosed with depression, even though it was obvious, seeked help for it, but never helped. Was constantly smoking weed to get me through the tough times. But it all dissapeared and i didn't even notice, just that my life was going normally and i could smile properly again.
I don't know what else to explain, everything was just amazing, all the time... Things got boring from time to time, due to no money, but we'd just cuddle and watch tv.
Then things started to go wrong. We've never really spent more than a night apart since we got together, but we did get a fair amount of space from each other doing other things.
She had to go to London, for a family gathering, so she headed off for the weekend.
And we were texting and calling each other the whole time, we missed each other so much. It was difficult. Although one of her family members, who was in a domestic abusive relationship, who hates guys, was persuading her, and telling her she didn't need a relationship etc. And to be fair, my girlfriend is very easily persuaded by her family as she looks up to them so much.
And when she was on the coach home from london, she called me up and said she didn't know whether or not she loved me any more, and that she wasn't coming home.

We didn't really speak to much, as i was hugely busy that night, but haad planned to meet her at the bus station. So i waited there for her, but she never turned up. Already got home, so i met her the next day to talk about things.
We spoke about everything, and she said she did love me, just that i wasn't the person i was when we first met, but to be fair the stresses of everything, were getting to me and i was a shell of who i used to be.
So i said, we both need to try, and i'll do my best, to be the strong happy person i was when she first met me. We decided to take things slow for a couple of days. And at the end of the week, she decided she wanted to move back in.
She stayed for about a week, but then decided she wanted to live at her mums. Her mum then came and picked her up, and her stuff, and took her home.
After only one night, she said she missed me and wanted to move back. So her mum brought her back with all her stuff. And this happened two times.
The final time she moved home, she stayed for about 3 days, and then told me she wasn't happy and needed to sort her head out. That she wanted to move to london with her dad, to sort her self out. She gave me 5 days to find the money and means to find a place in london to live, else she'd be going without me. I tried my hardest, but I just couldn't get the money. And on the sunday, like she said. She left to move to London, but first she proposed to me, and said she wanted to marry me, and never let me go.

And at this point, my hear was aching, I had no idea what i was doing wrong, or why she wanted to go so much. She kept telling me she loved me so much, and that i was the person she loved and that it wasn't because of me.

After a couple of days in london, she said she'd only stay a month or two, and that we were still together. And she'd wait for me to come to london. But no longer than a week later, she just missed me too much she wanted to come home. And did.

The first day back we spent together, was amazing. I was so happy, for the first time in a while, i'd fallen asleep happy next to my fiancee. And that everything was going okay in my world again.

But when we woke up the next day we were about to go out, and she had a puzzled sad look on her face, i knew what it meant now. And i asked her what was wrong, she told me that she wasn't sure. Said she didn't know still where she wanted to be, and she didn't know anymore whether she loved me (this is like a week after proposing to me). She stayed for two day, but told me we were split up. Although we still acted like we were together, fell asleep cuddling and what not. Then yesterday, she caught a taxi and left. And shouted, i love you, goodbye.

We talk and text all the time, and she says she misses me. And today's her birthday, and all she wants to do is spend most of it with me.

I just don't know what to do, i love her so much, and i just want things to settle down and be okay. Or whether i should man the fuck up, and just accept we're over. But i'll never be okay, because i don't know what went wrong.

Please help thesite D:


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I feel as if i should shorten this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shikari wrote: »
    I feel as if i should shorten this.

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    *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hey Shikari

    You wrote this a couple of days ago - how are things progressing now? It sounds like your head was getting quite cluttered with all these mind-changes and uncertainty. Did writing it all out help? Sometimes the act of venting it through typing/writing can be quite a cathartic and therapeutic process. And it's exactly what TheSite is here for. Feel free to come here and vent as much as you like, whenever you like.

    Have you read our Accepting it's over article? I'm not suggesting your relationship is definitely over - and things may have changed since you last posted. But I thought this particular line may be of a help to you...

    "When you split up with someone that you still have feelings for it's tempting to let them make all the rules in order to keep them in your life. The problem is, if there's no hope of reconciliation, you're just prolonging the agony."

    As I said, I'm not suggesting you guys are over. But it seems like your girlfriend is perhaps making all the rules at the moment and you're just having to constantly react to her mood. Does that sound right? Of course you still want to be with her - but it might be worth taking a few steps back to get some power back so your life isn't always reactionary to her? Do you have any mates you can meet for a drink? Hobbies/work you can chuck yourself into? Anything you can do to get some distance here and there so this relationship worry isn't so all-consuming?

    Let us know how you're getting on.

    Big hug *hug*

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just want to give you a *hug*

    I read all of your post and i feel really bad for you. In my opinion she seems swayed by possibly family members to not want to be with you. I think you need to think about your wants and needs. If this was happening to me i'd think it's a right head fuck. You come across very caring though you might have to let go and concentrate on yourself for a bit however hard....

    *hug* again,

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nah it's all fucked.... :/ Game over. :(
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    *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hey Shikari

    What happened? You OK?

    The boards are always here if you wanna talk about it. *hug*

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