Stress, Self harm and telling parents!!! HELP

Former Member

Basically, I used to be a self harmer but haven't cut for about a month and a 1/2 and at the moment I don't seem to get the urge to! When I was cutting it was because I was extremely stressed as I had just been dumped by my boyfriend who I had been with for over 2 years (and as soppy as it sounds he did break my heart), I had one friend who had minor depression and self harmed as well and for a a couple of weeks i was the only person she could talk to so she unloaded all her problems onto me, and I had one other friend who had bulemia and self harmed and i was worried about her! All this made me self harm which I hated but i got the sense of relief after that I needed to get on with my life! With the help of my new boyfriend I managed to stop!

However, I am worried that once i get back to school after the holidays, my friend who has minor depression is gonna rely on me and unload again and that mixed with exam stress is gonna make me want to cut again which scares me and makes me dread going back to school! I don't think i'm depressed although i do feel upset for no reason sometimes and i occasionally have mood swings which confuse me! :crying:

Also, I feel like I should tell my parents but I don't know whether to actually tell them or to just let them notice on their own... Any help on how to tell my parents would be great!

Former Member

Where to begin!!!

Hi, Before I say anything about your situation, you must understand that this is just my individual personal opinion. We are all individual and come from different backgrounds of different experiences which gives us all a different perspective of the same concern.

You certainly seem to be to be a person who other people rely on. It is often people like yourself who have a natural caring instinct who feel the overwhelming burnout of the role assumed. And you can't change who you are or how you repsond to others needs.

However, it is just as if not more important to look after yourself as it is friends and family needs. From what you have said, I hear friends are very trustful of you and so share their needs. I hear you have had some tough times personally and I hear your fears for the near future.

I don't know anything about your relationship with your parents or whether they are generally supportive of you. My instinct from what you have breifly mentioned is that they do care for you and love you. You will need to say if that is not so because it would have a bearing on what i am about to say.

I can tell you are feeling overwhelmed by others needs upon you right now coupled with your own impending increasing tutorial stresses. I am not sure if your friends have confided in you and no-one else is aware of their self harm, or if they have asked you not to say anything to anyone which adds to the weight of the knowledge they share with you.

So, where to begin! In my humble 40th year individual opinion.

If your parents are generally supportive (one or both) tell them you need their advice about a serious concern, make sure you have there full attention (not in passing when they are run off their feet). If you feel it would be easier to tell one parent choose the one you feel more at ease with. If I have had to tell people something terrible I have generally taken them for a coffee at a tea shop or something so we are in public and generally that reduces reactions to a more calm and paced manor, than if it is on home territory.

You just need to say what you have already said, you feel overwhelmed because you are being confided in by friends about serious issues, if you feel you can share what those issues are with your parents without things blowing up do so. Tell them your thoughts and your feelings (remember these are two different things) . I am certain they would rather you talk and communicate with them about your worries rather than cut yourself and leave the area uncovered so they notice it for themselves.

If you have stopped self harming (and very well done for that, not an easy achievment) surely it is better to put a preventative intervention in place eg, speak with parents, rather than start again to basically show a need for help with the way you feel now and the anxiety you feel about returning after the holidays.

Ultimatley maybe you could sit down and also maturely talk with your friends who are relying on you. Tell them how their behaviour and actions impact on you. Tell them you need to take care of yourself too. I will use a narrative here, If the jumbo jet cabin pressure drops and the oxygen masks drop, the lone mother of the baby must surely put her own mask on before the baby, for if the mother passes out their is no-one to care for the baby! I am saying step back take a breath for yourself first, take care of you and then take care of your friends.

You need to share your problems too, who is there for you, don't be an island. it don't work. In my own experience. regards and best Milliemollie :wave:

Former Member

Just thought I would let you know that I have told my parents about everything and they have been incredibly supportive and have made me feel so much better about all that has happened in the past few months!! Thank you for your advice! It was extremely helpful during this time! :d

Former Member

Hi, I am soooooo relieved for you. And honestly well done you, it is so very difficult to be honest with ones self let alone breaking the glass to say 'hey I am struggling here and I need support'. i believe you are stronger than you relise. Do keep in touch (if you would like to). And can i say you have helped me too.