New sexual partner

Former Member

I've been with my new boyfriend for about a month. He was a virgin before we got together, but he'd done most other things apart from oral sex on a girl.

There's a few things that are worrying me though. He admits that he finds fingering a girl 'boring', as well as wanking. I understand the wanking part is personal preference, and for me doing it for him isn't boring. I don't mind that he's never performed oral sex on anyone before, that's not a problem for me. But he told me he doesn't like oral sex either - he finds that he can feel my teeth and says it hurts, even though I try very hard to keep my teeth away.

I'm not overly bothered that he doesn't like oral sex - I don't bite or make a thing of scraping my teeth on the skin or anything, but I can't help feeling that there must be something I can do to make it better for him and at least try to help him to enjoy it. I'm prepared to accept that it might be my technique just isn't quite right for him, as I know everyone's gonna be different. If it comes down to the fact he just doesn't like it that's alright, I won't mind.

But the thing that troubles me the most is the fingering part - I do get pleasure from sex but it's usually not enough to make me orgasm. I know this shouldn't affect my mood but we all need to be a little selfish in a while! I don't know how to convince him it's not boring. Usually he does it for five minutes, no clitoral stimulation (which is what I personally need to orgasm) and then it's straight to the sex. I just wish that we'd spend a little more time doing other things, I really want to make him enjoy pleasuring me more but at the moment I don't feel like he does.

Apologies for being too graphic at all!

Former Member

You need to tell him. I know its only been a month and you might think its too soon to bring it up but this isnt going to change on it own, and he probably doesnt realise you're not happy.

My ex was kind of the same. I felt like, for him, pleasuring me was just a chore. He went down on me twice i think and the rest of the time just go at me with his fingers which hurt more than it felt good. Then he'd want to get down to sex and blowjobs. I tried once to tell him how i wanted it but it didnt go in and i was too shy/scared to bring it up again so i just put up with it. Ive learnt from that now though, and i guess all i can do is give you my best advice which is to tell him and sort it so you can both have a fulfilling sex life, dont just put up with it

Former Member

Yeah, I will do, I'm putting it down to inexperience/shyness, not that he's all about being selfish, he's always disappointed if I don't orgasm during sex. I just wondered if there's anything I can do to make other things less boring for him thanks for the advice

Former Member

So, what exactly is your question? We can't really mind control your boyfriend from here, so it would probably be more beneficial if you tell that to your boyfriend to resolve the issue. It's pretty much the only thing you can do anyway. Talk about it, hope that he is empathetic and understanding about your predicament, if not decide for yourself if a relationship of a month that is already sexually unsatisfying is worth your while.

*Holly*

Hi rosellegreywood

It's great that you're confident enough to know you deserve a satisfying sex life:thumb: Lots of people, girls especially, are much less assertive, to their own detriment.

However it's worth remembering that sex is a HUGE learning process and your poor boyfriend may feel a bit behind. You guys have only been going out a month - plus, he's only just lost his virginity. I know Hollywood films like to show couples having amazing sex as soon as they get together - but the reality is usually quite the opposite. Even experienced lovers find sex with a new partner takes a while to get things right.

It sounds like you're quite emotionally intelligent and have already worked out a lot of this issue probably stems from his inexperience and shyness. I really think you're right here. A lot of his reluctance to give/receive is most likely coming from his fear of doing stuff wrong! Although talking about sex is great, if sexual confidence is the issue, it may not be the best idea to have a frank conversation about how to improve things as this may make him even more scared. Instead, gentle probing in the right direction may be the answer.

When he is touching you, could you perhaps gently steer his hand in the right direction? Plus - I'm sure he's getting some stuff right. When he does, make it really obvious how much you're enjoying yourself. This article about Bad Sex gives you some more tips on how to tackle common bedroom problems.

Give it some time and see how things progress. Things are still pretty new between you two and you'll most likely find the sex will improve with time - and lots of positive feedback. As the trust and intimacy gets built up, I'm sure he'll be less reluctant to try new things.

I hope that helps and let us know how you get on

Holly