Is it normal to feel this lonely?

Former Member

I'm currently 100 miles from home studying at University. I broke up with my long term boyfriend a year ago and havent had any form of relationship since. My friends back home are super supportive but there is only so much contact I can have with them. I have great friends here at uni but I'm used to an all male group bar myself, and now I only have female friends here. I feel a little out of my comfort zone. I just feel so lonely. Is it completely unreasonable to want someone to cuddle up to once in a while? I have very low self esteem and find it hard to meet new people. There is someone I really like on my course but I dont think he even looks my way. Therefore I just ignore the fact that I like him.

I'm just miserable

Former Member

Don't your female friends here at uni have any guy friends you can hang out with too? What about boys in your lectures? Are you close enough to anyone so it would not be completely unexpected if you sat down to him one day?

About the cuddle question. I think the longing for human contact is hardly unreasonable, but if it's reasonable or not is pretty irrelevant. It's not like you can demand it, or that it makes any difference if you have those feelings or not.

It is very much possible to feel lonely, even when surrounded by people. Maybe try to figure out what makes you feel lonely then. Is your course giving you satisfaction? Do you do enough productive, fulfilling things in your spare time?

Starry night

:wave: From the sound of things this won't last forever. I haven't been to uni yet, but have been told there is tonnes of stuff-clubs, societies-for everyone. Try one you wouldn't really have thought of-that way there are new people and something quirky to be interested in.
I think that there are many people in your situation. Also, it's normal, having such strong friends before, now that there is distance between you, it must be really horrible.
*hug*

Former Member

As strubbles said, it's not unreasonable to want cuddles, but as i've been finding out there's a huge amount to be said for being very comfortable with yourself and your own company. Not that you shouldn't be seeking out more friends but looking for friends rather than anything more is a really good starting point.

*Holly*

Hey TheScientist

Firstly, it's totally normal to feel lonely at times. Especially if you've gone through a major life transition. Uni can be great, but there's also a lot of pressure on the experience and you can feel like everyone's having a better time than you. Behind it though, most people have the odd uni-flip-out. They're just covering it up, probably how I imagine you might be. :chin:

I know it's hard, but I suggest trying not to compare your uni friends with your home friends - because they will often come up short. You grow up with your home friends and you have years to build and develop the relationship - plus you have years to hone down your friendship circle to the people you really really like With uni, it can be more like you're chucked together with all sorts. It sounds like you have met a good bunch, but they're still new to you, your life, your problems, your issues, and this could make it harder to open up to them.

In terms of feeling lonely - both in love and in relation to your friendship circle - things tend to fall into place when you're feeling good about yourself. So I suggest really working on your relationship with you and building your self-esteem.
Mind have some really great advice here
And so does Netdoctor here

Try following their advice and see if that helps you do things that could make you feel less cut off. Like broadening your social circle, or asking that guy from your class out.

Also remember that, when it comes to TheSite, you're never alone. Feel free to keep posting here and there will always be someone to listen and give you support, or maybe just a big fat *hug*

Take care of yourself

Holly