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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I don't know why I like him so much, I mean I have known him for at least a year now and I have never even found him attractive. Then my ex, decided that I had a crush on him and spread a rumor which got me thinking and us talking. Turns out I do like him and he likes me.

The problem is now, that I have been thinking about him like 24/7 and all the things I want to do with him and why, but I was never able to answer why. I know he is Bi for a fact, and I am leaning more to thinking he is Gay. Which is good. And he has always came across as really innocent to me and never really dated anyone.

He asked me to come over to this house and we played Xbox, well he did. I did not want to play. I ended up just laying on him for a while. We kept fooling around changing but kept cuddling and it was extremely nice. It was not long till we were in the dark after playing tag in the dark. He was hiding and I found him. I laid down beside him and I never said anything. He faced the other direction, and in one swift motion he was on top of me. I rolled him over and I was on top. I wanted to kiss him so I moved in, and we did. (A peck :( ) Then he moved back on top. He moved in like he wanted to kiss me so I went to kiss him and he moved back, and I improved and grabbed his stomach and said 'yeah stomach' He grunted like he was disappointed in what I did, so I was confused. Other things happened that night and I went home.

I could not get him off my mind for at least a week, all I thought about was everything I did wrong and I could not help but like him even more. We sat in the hall at lunch with everyone, I thought he was shy but every time I looked over he would be staring at me, and I would look back, we would lock eye contact for about 30 seconds till he broke it and turned away. We did this over and over until, we got eye contact for a minute unable to turn away. He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me in. His head tilted like he was going to kiss me, but Ryan (A friend) said something, I can't remember and he stopped. Escamo kissed me (When you rub noses back a fourth on purpose.)

That happened a lot that week, and it never stopped it still goes on 2 weeks later. Except every day it gets more and more. Like I sat behind him yesterday, and he leaned back on me instantly and grabbed both my hands and crossed them on his chest. People saw us and I am not out yet, and he is. I did not mind tho. I continued talking and cuddling with him in the hall just like girls and guys do. Then he stopped sat back up and I tried to get him back but he kinda kept moving around, like he wanted to but didn't at the same time.

That weird kissing thing happened again in the hall, except this time was with a different group of friends, and we moved in to kiss, well he did to me, I sat there motionless, then someone said something like "Hey mark" he made some kind of weird squawking sound, to make other people think that kissing, was not our intention.

I keep wanting to get him alone, like that one night that we had, but every time I ask...well I only asked once, I asked him to sleep over and he said that he was busy last week and I felt like he hated me instantly because I tend to over think things, but we still hang out and I got over it.

5 days ago I was really confused because of all the mixed signals I was getting from him. So I asked him, I could not ask him to his face because I can never get him alone and the one time I had the chance to talk to him he refused to leave the group because I really don't know, maybe he was afraid of what we are going to talk about. so I sent him a message on Xbox because he does not have a phone. I said "I know you like me, well at least I think I do. I want to date you and you said you want to date me, so what do you want to do with us, talk or just forget" I waited 3 days and I got "forget" From him and it really killed me inside. I mean I actually had difficulty breathing.

But I got that from him and nothing changed, after I sent that, the next day is when that thing happened in the hall, the squawking in my face and the cuddling with the arm thing. So again I was confused.

I always thought he was innocent and sweet. But yesterday I found out that in elementary school he just went around, dated girl after girl after girl. It did bug me a lot and I really don't know why finding out that he made out with another girl, and he is gay and would not even make out with me even though he has told me he had liked me so much. and it hurt a lot. I decided that the person that told me those things, since this was the first time I ever heard of this and everyone else I talked to said they could and never see that happening, and people who went to school with him say they never saw that happen. This person that told me these things knows I am crushing on mark and I know that they make it very obvious that they like me. So by protecting myself I convinced myself it was a lie, and it makes sense that it is.

I sent him another message on Xbox last night and I did not go to school today because I am sick. I said "I really do like you a lot and I really do not know why I like you. I don't know if you feel the same anymore because you make it really hard to understand what you want because you don't talk to me much. all I want...All I would love is for you to tell me what you think about me and what you really want to do, or maybe if we could actually talk. Just please give me that"

so I guess, what do you think I should do, move on....or play this waiting game again, I do not know... i will tell you what he says in the comments, and I want to know what you think. Sorry this was so long, but it is actually driving me nuts, depressed, to tears. To the fact where...My mind is cluttered with MARK...that is all I can think about is this guy I like to so much...ugh...Thank you.


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    *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hi Randoman :wave:

    I hope writing all that down has made you feel better. Sometimes when you've got a load on your mind vomiting it all up (methaphorically) through writing is really therapeutic, and is what these boards are for. :)

    It's been a few days since you last posted so I was just wondering what's happened now?

    It sounds like this guy is giving you very mixed messages and your response to this is totally normal. It's easy to get 'hooked' on this sort of situation, especially if the other person has all the power. You're always waiting for the nice-bit to happen again through all the bad-bits, and it's such a relief when you get it. Very addictive. And therefore it can make you a bit obsessive over them, reading into every little thing, not able to get your head off the situation.

    I suggest maybe trying to get your power back - do you think that's something you can do? You've gone through a big step recently in regards to recognising your sexual preferences, so maybe extra boy hassle isn't what you need. Sure, things may work out with this guy. But they may not. Try and work on feeling good whatever happens. It's also worth pointing out that, when they're right, relationships and getting together is supposed to be easy and natural.

    Hope you're getting on OK. The boards are here whenever you need them.

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