Home Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

F*ck Buddy - attached or no?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So this guy and I have a very strange sort of relationship. Obviously it boils down to f*ck buddies, but the situation is fairly complicated.
He has a casual girlfriend, and wishes he doesn't - loves her, but is itching to get out. He's only ever slept with her (and now me), and doesn't want to waste away his college years in a serious relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend recently for the same reason - this ex and I still see each other for casual dates occasionally, with the understanding that I still care for him, but am not ready to date for marriage. I've never slept with anyone other than these two either.
Unfortunately, this ex - let's call him Billy - and the boy I am now sleeping with - let's call him Bob - are roommates. They've known each other since high school, and used to be really good friends once upon a time. Bob disliked me for a long time based on complaints he listened to from Billy in high school (when we would break up or fight), but upon getting to know me in college, decided he didn't dislike me after all. All of Bob's friends think I am hot, and Bob apparently thinks so too. Bob's girlfriend is not unattractive, but she is no Victoria's Secret model.

Both Bob and I are fairly uncomplicated relationship'ers. Neither of us want to get into a relationship, neither of us are clingy, neither of us feel the need to be together every second of every day, between the two of us or in our respective relationships. Neither of us have any intention of taking the f*ck buddy relationship farther - or so I thought.
Recently, he has been talking about his sort-of-girlfriend a lot - how he wishes he was single like me, wishes she wasn't so clingy, doesn't even feel guilty sleeping with me. He will get a text from her saying she made him dinner while he's with me and complain about how he doesn't want to go. He'll complain about how he could never forgive himself for breaking her heart, but can't stand it when she cries because he's so distant.
Originally the idea was just to sleep together so we could both privately acknowledge that we'd been with more than one person - a desire for both of us.

Rules Bob has broken:

He sleeps over - I don't really mind I guess, but it's a little intrusive if we're not going to do it all night.
He cuddles - a LOT.
He holds my hand - for no reason.
He talks. A LOT. About everything from his childhood to his family to his goals for the future. I'm a talker too, so it's fine, but I'm pretty sure that's not normal for a f*ck buddy...
He listens to what I say, and remembers it.
He has my class schedule memorized.
He texts me every day, even when he has nothing but ":-)" to say.
He wants to sleep together at least three times a week - and it's not like he's not getting some from his sort-of-girlfriend, who loves him desperately. Recently, in fact, he started seeing her only on weekends.
He complains about Billy, and how he can't believe I put up with him for so long.
He talks about how he wants to brag about us and wishes inside jokes were okay when Billy is around.
He wants to meet up before or after classes, where sex is NOT possible - meaning we would just be talking, or hanging out, or even go with me to the dining hall for dinner, or to go work out - it seems like for just a few minutes of "us" time.

He will get really distant for a time, then be all over me for a time, pursuing me and telling me his life story. I'm not sure exactly what this means, since he's not really the type to chase girls or open up to anyone in the first place.

Now, I've never had a f*ck buddy before, so maybe this is normal, but...?


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds like he is trying to persue a relationship, but also at the same time tells you about the gf he doesnt want, who he may run off to be with at those times when he is distant with you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds to me that he wants a relationship with you, but can't admit to it, because he knows your stance on it.
  • *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hi thats_all_she_wrote and welcome to TheSite :wave:

    A fuck buddy situation is something that sounds good on paper, but more often than not, they can go a bit haywire. And people's feelings can get hurt. The term 'fuck buddies' gets bandied about a lot and you ask 'is this normal?', but the thing is there's no real template for how these situations are supposed to work. They tend to need a lot of reassessment and only 'work' if both parties are on the same page.

    I suggest you read this article we have on fuck buddies which may help you decide if this set-up is something you want to continue doing.

    It sounds like you're not interested in being in a relationship at the moment - and that's great. However, just because you're not emotionally invested in all this, doesn't mean you shouldn't still err on the side of caution. Mainly because there are a few people involved in this situation who are emotionally invested and their feelings can get hurt. It does sound like 'Bob' is getting a bit more attached than just sexually, so maybe tread carefully to spare his feelings and the other people involved's feelings.

    Hope that helps and let us know how it goes. :)

Sign In or Register to comment.