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Feel totaly broken :(

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, my names lea and im 25 years old. I was seeing my guy from january last year. I recently discovered i am pregnant . He was supportive for about a month then 2 weeks ago he just text messaged me telling me he didnt like me and wanted nothing to do with me. I dont know where all this came from we were getting on well, i tried calling him but he just will not answer me, i askef if we could meet up just to talk he and he sent me a message saying hed never liked me, called me every name under the sun, even told me he would shoot me! I told hom we needed to talk about the baby and he just told me 'do what u want' everything is over text as he will just not answer my calls or meet up with me, why did he mess with me for so long if hes never liked me and why is he treating me so badly? If he just didnt want to continue see me anymore i would be still upset but could deal with that - it happens but its like hes totaly flipped i have no family to turn to and i feel like my friends dont really understand i just wish hed speak to me , i feel ashamed at myself for still loving him most girls i know would be glad to get rid after being spoken to like that but id take him back tommorow. I feel totaly heartbroken :(


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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Although you might feel like you want him to speak to you, it sounds like you would be better off without him. You say you would take him back tomorrow, I personally wouldn't if he had acted like that towards me, you would more than likely be setting yourself up for a fall.

    You say your friends dont understand, but have you talked to them about it? If not, then talk to them so they cant understand. Also, even if they dont understand, they can still be there for you and be supportive.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He bailed on you and the kid. That's the first thing you need to internalize. He is not coming back and you shouldn't want him to come back. Now you have to decide for yourself if you want to keep the child. I am sure a moderator will be here soon (they are like Superman if a screeching lady falls of a sky scraper) and provide you with some links about pregnancy, options you have (it's pretty tough raising a child all by yourself as a young adult, I reckon). Note that he is legally compelled to provide for the child financially (as long as he is the real father).

    Try to be more careful in the future with the choice of your boyfriends. Being alone is still better then being with someone who mistreats you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Lea, of course you feel like this, even after being spoken too like this love doesn't evaporate over night. I would say thought it sounds as if it is the news of the baby that has caused this and he is hurting your feelings saying these things as an excuse.

    It is a hard situation for him to be in and can understand his reaction but it is completely out of order for how he acted. Whilst you cannot force him to be involved with the child I would at least make sure you go after maintenance costs and money, it is his responsibility too and its a great way to say "fuck you too"

    I know its hard to get over but it will get easier
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds to me like he is trying to avoid financial responsibility.
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    *Holly**Holly* Deactivated Posts: 140 Helping Hand
    Hi x_lea_x and welcome to TheSite :wave:

    Firstly I want to send you a huge hug *hug* cause I reckon you need one after going through all this. It sounds like you've been through one hell of a tough time recently.

    But TheSite boards are here for you, whenever you need them for support. It sounds like you're dealing with two major upsets here: the breakup and your pregnancy. And I'm going to tackle them here seperately, even though they're obviously linked.

    The breakup: Don't feel ashamed of still having feelings for this guy. When a relationship ends, it's always a shock and feelings can't be turned off like a tap. You're not only having to deal with the sudden end of a relationship, but the horrible things he's also said to you. Unfortunately there's no cure for heartbreak apart from time, time and more time. This article on Mending a broken heart might be helpful. But ultimately you just need a while for the shock to sink in and to get over the hurt.

    However, while breakups take time to mend, the issue of your pregnancy is one where, unfortunately, time is a more pressing issue. I know you're already going through a huge shock from this guy's behaviour, but have you had any time to think about what you want to do about this pregnancy?
    If you're considering keeping the baby, you'll need to make a doctor's appointment pretty soonish to check everything's OK. Or, if abortion is an option you're thinking about, then it's best to go to your GP asap. Unexpected pregnancy can be very confusing, and it can be tough reaching the right decision for you. The good news is, there's support along the way for every option.

    I suggest you read these two articles: Should I have a baby? And I'm pregnant, what next? They may be able to help you work out what you want to do.

    I also suggest you talk to someone about what you're going through. You say you have no family, and your friends aren't being very helpful? If there isn't someone in your social circle, then you might find it supportive to give Brook a call for competely confidential advice. You can call them free on 0808 802 1234. They also have a text and email service.

    Whatever happens, remember you're not alone. TheSite is here for you. Let us know how you get on, and feel free to keep posting whenever you like and someone will be here to listen.

    Another massive hug *hug**hug*

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know its hard to let go of this guy but if he has left you and your baby then thats an obvious fact that he is still a child himself therefore wouldnt be qualified to take care of you or a child of his own. I know its hard but you are so much better without him and and if you look you could probably find another guy who may want to be apart of your life even if a child is involved. I know most guy's are complete morons but there still is some decent ones around if you don't give up. Hope I Helped :)
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