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Am I normal?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey
So many things/issues going round in my head at the moment so thought I would use here to get some reassurance/clarification.

I am a self confessed compulsive list maker, when I stress I write lists, but It helps me cope and clarifies my life and the purpose of my days for me.

I commented to someone at work the other day that I made a list every night before I go to sleep for teh following day, sometimes i spend a considerable amount of time on a Sunday afternoon making multiple lists for the week as I have a busy schedule and it helps make sure everything gets done.

The friend at work commented, that that wasn't living, if I lived by lists. I sort of agree with her, lists became a coping strategy years ago and have become a more an more integral part of my life. Should I accept that they are part of who I am or try to break the habit and realise that teh lists indicate im not ok?

Sorry of a little confusing

x

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Nikilala :wave:

    First of all, there is no such thing as normal ;) And I certainly have friends who are list writers and I wouldn't say they were weird, I'd say they were organised!

    Having said that, it might be worth thinking about how you feel about writing lists. Do you panic if you haven't written one? Do you think you could face the week without such detailed plans? Can you imagine being a little more spontaneous?

    You might feel a sense of liberation to try and go a day or two or even a week without lists and then see how it makes you feel. Or have one list-free day a week and see how it goes. Lifting your head up from the notepad and just looking out at life and realising that you can tackle it day to day could be a really positive thing :)

    You mentioned in your other post that you suffer from anxiety and depression and here that writing lists has become a coping strategy over time. Finding ways to cope with stress so that it doesn't snowball is actually a good thing in itself but given that you've started this thread it seems you might be thinking that the lists are becoming a problem? Planning out the week probably gives you a sense of control, like you have a hold on things and there wont be any surprises or things you forget to do that could then cause you added stress.

    If you do miss an appointment or arrive late or have to cancel a plan it's not the end of the world - do you find you worry about those kind of things or feel under pressure to take on a lot?

    From your other thread you also told us you've had therapy such as CBT before and you also mentioned trying to get some anti-depressants, how did that go?

    If you're worried that your lists are getting out of control (only you can really know if they are) then it might be worth chatting to your GP about it :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey

    Looking at the lengthof this post just read teh bold bit x

    tahnks for the thorough response, you gave me the gits to re book the doctors appointment - i wimped out last time and made the appointment about something else so I didn't have to confront it.
    I thought I had fought it and was back on the upward mission but tonight has proved how out of control I have become.

    I have a tendency to obsess about soemthing ( or someone) when I go through a down phases which should have been a pointer taht I picked up on ages ago. This time its a guy that I work with. He picks me up and puts me down as he pleases and gets away with murder I keep thinking of all teh shit I want to give him but never actually acheivinga nything coz he doesnt really care. I have blatantly fallen for me though he embodies everything I dont need ( although he does listena nd give good hugs!)

    Anyway I set myself a challenge to not contact him for a week as I had no shifts at work which clashed with his in that time I deleted his number out my phoen and kept away from work when he was there and was relaly proud of myself I found i had loads mroe free time because he wasnt there and it was so nice beinga ble to make noise in teh morning ( he often sleeps on my sofa) He contacted me on the Thursday to check I was ok which was great and I should have replied yeh and left it at that but I knew something was upa dn one thing led to another and he ended up coming round thurs night so I failed my task but 6 days aint bad for a second try! (1st try he text me after less tahn 24 hrs)

    OMG just looked at how much I have written to avoid the actual subject, anyway, really stressed at work soem girl squared up to me for throwing a cloth - not impressed so tried to get hold of some cigarettes and failed so had started to accept the fact that I was going to self Harm when I got home ( cigarettes ar emy alternative to self harming) The emotions I felt were so strong tehy scared me and I wanted to spend the night with someone ( the guy mentioned above preferentially but thats ridiculously complicated!) Anyway I have well and truly scared myself tonight, but I am proud to say I have not done myslef any damage and I aim to keep it that way. Doctors appt tues - determined to get help cause I really need it!Thanks
    Nic
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey again Nikilala,

    First off, well done for re-booking the doctors appointment :) I'm sure we can all relate to booking things and then chickening out at times so good on you for making that step to try again, let us know how you get on *hug*

    You sound like you know yourself pretty well, you mention obsessing about this guy when you're feeling in a low spot. You set yourself a challenge and you did great so you should be chuffed with yourself, it seems as though you're really trying to manage your moods and you can recognise when they're a bit out of control. That's half the battle so give yourself some credit :thumb:

    On the flip side though he doesn't sound like the greatest guy :no: It's good that he listens and hey, we all like hugs, but it's worth making sure things aren't always on his terms. Don't be afraid to be clear about your needs too!

    Sorry to hear you had a rough time with some really strong urges to self harm, it must have been really scary for you, you said that you even scared yourself. Do you have a close friend or anyone else that you can confide in? Or, someone you could call to distract you and just ask them to talk to you about something really random or trivial for five or ten minutes just to help snap you out of that mindset? It's just an idea but it seems like from what you've said that unless you have cigarettes you're struggling to find other coping mechanisms. What about writing or music? I'll also just add our link to 'Dealing with urges' info in case you haven't seen it:
    http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/dealingwithurges

    Good luck with the appointment tomorrow, try to be as honest as you can, that way your doctor has the best chance of giving you the support that you deserve :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi
    Thanks for all the support Jo, after spedning a couple of days 'zombified' whilst my head was somewhere else I now feel relatively normal and ready to take on the challenge, of beating the B*****d that is depression.
    Even though it took all my will power not to do a runner I did go to teh doctors, and she apologised for not spotting something was up last time I saw her ( SO lovely!) anyway shes given me citalopram, put me on a wiating list for counselling and assured me that there is more support available to me if I need it and not be scared of asking for it ( she knows me too well I hate asking for help!)
    Nearly cried my eys out all the wya hom e but was meeting a friend and just spent an hour putting teh world to rights with him and feel so much better. Can't face socialising tonight so gonna give korfball a miss ( I know i shouldnt but getting out and going swimming instead)

    Feel like I can do it again ( always a good feeling)

    nic
    x
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