What is considered normal sexual acts?

Former Member

Hi there!

I've been dumped a couple of times not long into the relationship because I've been told I'm a sexual freek! I like BDSM, anal, talking dirty, I have leather and food fetishes, and I like dominating and doing guys up the bum! I can understand some men might not be into the last one, but all the guys I've been with just want very vanilla sex, where as I want lots of other stuff too! Am I a sexual freek or are these things ok?

Thanks

Darkshines

Former Member

I dont think youre a freak but maybe you're introducing all this stuff too early in the relationship. Its scaring the guy and its easier for him to dump you when you dont have much emotional history than carry on with it and be scared about being asked to be done up the bum.

Maybe just wait a bit longer next time and dont spring it all on him all at once and expect him to be ok with it

Former Member

I thought 4-5 months was ok? Thats how long I waited and as soon as I suggested it I got told I was disgusting and wrong and got dumped.

Former Member

There's nothing wrong with the things you're into, but you have to find someone who's into the same things. It's not about being normal, just compatible. and if you're not sexually compatible you're on to a loser from the start.

Former Member

Normal sexual acts I would generally anticipate in a new relationship, without prior knowledge of my partner would probably be vanilla sex as you put it, plus the foreplay associated with that - manual and probably oral. If I had just met someone new who felt that one of the first things they should tell me was that they wanted, or worse, needed, something significantly beyond that then I would probably make a swift exit. 3 or 4 months in would be another matter, particularly if it was going well and they approached the topic bit at a time and were willing to compromise. Still, limits are limits, being incompatible does not mean that either person is wrong, just you are not right for each other. Maybe try hanging out in places where you are more likely to meet people who are into non vanilla stuff.

Former Member

What kind of places? I live in a ruralish area a long way to the nearest big town. There are no BDSM/fetish nights around here.

Former Member

darkshines wrote: »

There are no BDSM/fetish nights around here.

I would't be too sure about that. I'll PM you with some info.

Former Member

Hi darkshines,

Welcome to the boards :wave:

Sorry to hear you feel rejected once you share your sexual styles to boyfriends. It's not nice to open up about something and for it not to be received well. There is no such thing as "normal" so try not to feel like a "freak". Everyone has their own preferences!

Perhaps it could be as mentioned by Lexi99;

Lexi99 wrote: »

I dont think youre a freak but maybe you're introducing all this stuff too early in the relationship.
Maybe just wait a bit longer next time and dont spring it all on him all at once and expect him to be ok with it

Or perhaps it's someone particular that would be interested in all these aspects. Have a look at our articles on mismatched sex drives and Fetishes, in which the following quote is from;

Many people find they can easily incorporate their fetish into an otherwise normal relationship. As with 'straight' partners who have different tastes and turn-ons, the important factors for a successful sexual relationship are respect, trust and openness.

Hope this helps *hug*