How do you go about checking out online dates

Former Member

without it becoming stalkerish!

I basically want to check out someone is who they say they are before I go up meet them, for my own safety more than anything else. Someone said to check out 123.co.uk, but this guy has a really common name, so without paying money to see more (and thus I then know his address, which seems a bit wrong) he could be any of them, or none of them. I want to talk to him on the phone before we meet so I can kind of gauge by that, and I'm going to get a friend to take me there and pick me up and i'm going to set up a timed text so if i don't text her within 30 mins of this time then she knows somethings up. I'm meeting in public anyway, but I'm pretty nervous about it all.

any ideas?

Former Member

Do you or have you ever checked someone out on google before you have met them randomly on a night out? It sounds like you are taking the necessary precautions allready so I dont think you should have anything to worry about.

Former Member

i think you are over thinking it. You are taking the right precautions about meeting in public and stick to that for the first few dates if you feel comfortable with it, after a few dates you will have a better idea of who they are and can go from there.

LauraO

Hey Miss_Riot,

I agree with G-Raffe and Summer Raindrops - you seem to be taking lots of very sensible precautions and you are meeting in public which is the best way to stay safe. There is some information about the
Do's and Don'ts of online dating on TheSite if you wanted to check it out, which should help to reassure you that you are taking the right steps.

Remember that if you feel at all uncomfortable then you can leave the situation. But also remember to relax and try to enjoy it too.

Hope it goes well :thumb:
LauraO

Former Member

I like to put it this way..

A lot of people will see someone in a club, drunken chat to them for a few hours, normally while drunk and then go back to them, how is that different, I don't believe anymore precautions are required than real life, public place, be cautious and then keep it public for some time.

Former Member

If I want to check someone out I meet them. What are you afraid of? You can only make a good picture of someone when getting to know them in person.

Former Member

Miss_Riot wrote: »

without it becoming stalkerish!

I basically want to check out someone is who they say they are before I go up meet them, for my own safety more than anything else. Someone said to check out 123.co.uk, but this guy has a really common name, so without paying money to see more (and thus I then know his address, which seems a bit wrong) he could be any of them, or none of them. I want to talk to him on the phone before we meet so I can kind of gauge by that, and I'm going to get a friend to take me there and pick me up and i'm going to set up a timed text so if i don't text her within 30 mins of this time then she knows somethings up. I'm meeting in public anyway, but I'm pretty nervous about it all.

any ideas?

Have you thought of getting him to go on webcam? If you have him on Skype, MSN, etc. It's impossible to fake webcam. Its a good idea to meet in public first, but do you not have him on facebook or anything?

It was probably my post to that other girl that's made you feel more edgy, this isn't my intention, it's just that I've met so many people who are satisfied by people who just show them a picture or few who have been made heartbroken or even traumatised when they found out the person wasn't who they said they were at all, think of those middle aged women who thought they were dating US soldiers and have sent money to them only to find out they are some scammer mongs from Nigeria sitting in some internet cafe. Bear in mind some people will act offended if you try to verify them, but in my experience, these are the people who have something to hide.

Hellfire wrote: »

I like to put it this way..

A lot of people will see someone in a club, drunken chat to them for a few hours, normally while drunk and then go back to them, how is that different, I don't believe anymore precautions are required than real life, public place, be cautious and then keep it public for some time.

This is true, but I don't think there's anyone that says meeting strangers in a club and going home with them is safe. In real-life you at least know the person speaking to you is not faking their sex, an old peado pretending to be a young man, or an African scammer pretending to be a handsome U.S. Marine.

Former Member

Threxy wrote: »

Have you thought of getting him to go on webcam? If you have him on Skype, MSN, etc. It's impossible to fake webcam.

Very wrong, webcam is very very easy to fake.

Former Member

Hellfire wrote: »

Very wrong, webcam is very very easy to fake.

If you are talking about those pre-recorded webcam videos, there's common sensical ways around this, such as getting the said person to write timestamps (the current day, date and time) and notes on paper, the timing/synching of the persons actions in the video.. on MSN you can see when a person is typing, pre-recorded videos are heavily flawed in this respect.

Oh there's also getting somebody else to go on webcam, but that would be stupidly unlikely since fakers tend to steal other peoples pictures without their consent, I think this is only really a problem if there's a gang of people trying to scam you or something, but I don't think this applies to the OP in any case.

If that's what you mean, do tell me? I'm not a whiz with computer technology, but I can't see how it's "very easy" to fake a live video of yourself, all things considered.

Former Member

Ok, to all of you, yes I have googled people I've met randomly, mainly out of curiosity more than anything else.

One of the reasons I'm slightly worried is that I have been chatting and texting him for over a month now, and I haven't yet actually spoken to him - he says he's a little embarressed about how his voice sounds, so fair enough. But he also doesn't have a facebook account - also fair enough, I know a lot of people who just see it as a invasion of their privacy. So, I kind of wanted to check out that he's the real deal.

I don't think I really need to worry about paedos being 22, but I am a little worried (ok, paranoid) that he's hiding something. Its possibly that he's just busy and shy and I need to lighten the fuck up.

Former Member

Hey chica, you got an email address for him, search that on FB, see if a acct crops up.

Google an email address, I agree not everyone has it as they see it as an invasion of privacy, but he has a online dating account which has similar sort of info on it, sounds suspect, mixed with the phone thing, maybe I am suspect of most people but maybe he is hiding something.

Former Member

Nothing for either...

He's meant to be flying back. Not sure whether I resist the temptation to send him a text today - as he's meant to be flying back, or just leave it until he potentially contacts me or not as may be the case...

Former Member

if you dont trust him, dont meet him

Former Member

Its not that I don't trust him, I want to meet him he's the one who hasn't given me the opportunity yet! I just don't want to set myself up to meet someone who i think is "xyz" and actually they're married, with 3 kids etc...

Former Member

Oi I only have two kids lol x

Seriously, it seems like a new email address, most peoples email which they have had for a while will crop up in some sort or search,

Mobile numbers are ny on impossible for people to track who they are, well Civis anyway,

It sounds all dubious, a new email, no FB or Google presence,

Former Member

Who knows...it could all be explainable, but it does seem a little odd...

Do I text him or leave him though?

Former Member

I think skyping is a pretty good way to check someone out Also may help to ease nerves compared to meeting someone completely randomly.

Former Member

I know the self conscious issue about his voice may well be a serious issue that he has to deal with, and I'm going to say in here (in relation to Miss Riot) what I would say to this bloke if he was on here asking for advice about online dating and trying to gague interest in this chick he had been chatting to;

"Yes having a worry about your voice is a bad thing to have to deal with, but if you are embarrassed to talk to someone who you have been in contact with over the internet; do you have the same issue in person when chatting to people you both know and dont know. Build up a bit of a report with this lady and it should make things a little more comfortable for you, but dont hold out on talking to her because you might well just lose credibility if she cant suss you out to be a genuine person."

Former Member

maybe I should send that to him in an email

Former Member

Miss_Riot wrote: »

maybe I should send that to him in an email

You should send him a link to this thread and let him know we have all been discussing him, he could throw his 2p in and if he doesnt get scared off then he's a keeper

Former Member

You think?

Whats everyone else's opinion?

Former Member

Miss_Riot wrote: »

You think?

Whats everyone else's opinion?

I was being a little sarcastic, I think sending him a link to this place would likely scare the hell out of him :P

Former Member

There isn't any way of knowing that he's the real deal without taking time to talk with him. Google won't throw up anything if he has a common name and if he's really keeping a secret he'll have set his facebook to be unfindable. You have to go with the flow; he might be a jerk or he might not. There's only one way to find out.

It is this kind of thing that makes me wonder, again, whether you are really ready and able to go out dating. If you go into something thinking everyone's going to be hiding something and be out to hurt you then you're really not going to get very far. There's taking sensible precautions (meet daytime, public place) and then there's being a stalker.

Former Member

Arctic Roll wrote: »

There isn't any way of knowing that he's the real deal without taking time to talk with him. Google won't throw up anything if he has a common name and if he's really keeping a secret he'll have set his facebook to be unfindable. You have to go with the flow; he might be a jerk or he might not. There's only one way to find out.

It is this kind of thing that makes me wonder, again, whether you are really ready and able to go out dating. If you go into something thinking everyone's going to be hiding something and be out to hurt you then you're really not going to get very far. There's taking sensible precautions (meet daytime, public place) and then there's being a stalker.

pretty much

Former Member

Arctic Roll wrote: »

There isn't any way of knowing that he's the real deal without taking time to talk with him. Google won't throw up anything if he has a common name and if he's really keeping a secret he'll have set his facebook to be unfindable. You have to go with the flow; he might be a jerk or he might not. There's only one way to find out.

It is this kind of thing that makes me wonder, again, whether you are really ready and able to go out dating. If you go into something thinking everyone's going to be hiding something and be out to hurt you then you're really not going to get very far. There's taking sensible precautions (meet daytime, public place) and then there's being a stalker.

Tbh, I don't think I'd do this with most people. There were just so many things that didn't add up, and possibly I've pushed it a bit too far I'll admit that, but getting mixed messages didn't seem to make sense...

Maybe I'm not ready yet...but I'm not sure I know what to do to get myself ready!

Former Member

I think you should trust your instincts tbh. But to give him a chance, be honest and up front about your worries and the mixed messages.

What doesn't add up, btw?

Former Member

The fact he trained as a archeologist - but is now doing something totally unrelated that I would have thought would have taken a good few years of training to do, and grew up on the isle of man then he told me he was born in canada. Then he tells me he's a contract mananger for a logistics company, but then he's also an electrical and mechanical engineer and works with solar panels - with the same company - but its a logistics company. He tells me he works a 60 hr week and frequently does 24 hr shifts - who does 24 hr shifts unless their in the armed forces? He texts me lots when he's supposedly working but then complains when he has to reprimand people on the shop floor for using their phones - and he said he's rarely at a desk, so surely that means he's down there too most of the time? He won't speak to me on the phone, he did meantion about his voice and I said I didn't care if it was high pitched or not I'd just like to speak, and he said he'd call but everytime he says he will he seems to be busy.

I guess it could be possible, but it just doesn't add up in my mind. The main thing that gets me is that he said on a few occasions that he really liked me and then hassled me for pretty intimate photos - and I turned him down. But saying that we seemed to have a spark, we had so many similar interests and from how the conversation was going it seemed like it was headed somewhere. He was texting me almost every hour or so before 21st but since he's been very sporadic. I keep thinking if I've pushed it too far but it was him that suggested meeting up, he gave me his number, he contacted me first. And he's not got back to a text I sent three days ago, which I think pretty much seals it. I've been called a bunny boiler in the past, I'd rather not have a repeat of that.

I don't think I should be so guilble next time. He seemed like my ideal guy, asides being bald...

Former Member

So he is changing his story and hassling you for intimate photos; at what point did you ignore the screaming messages in your head going "what the fuck"?

Also even if his story added up, hassling you for intimate photos? Thought you would have given him the boot.

Former Member

I should have done...

I think it was just the charm.

I think I need to listen to my gut instinct more often.

Former Member

hes married

Former Member

He is after nudey pic let's face it, you can do better...

Plus I agree, he is married,